AD1980 Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I heard a few women recently tell me that they really arent crazy about their boyfriend but are afraid to not be in relatoinships because they hate being alone and theryes a social stigma attatched to women who arent in relationships especially at a certian age This sounds crazy to me that youd be with someobdy you dont care for all that much just to be in a relatinship,do any of you do this?
dudet Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I heard a few women recently tell me that they really arent crazy about their boyfriend but are afraid to not be in relatoinships because they hate being alone and theryes a social stigma attatched to women who arent in relationships especially at a certian age This sounds crazy to me that youd be with someobdy you dont care for all that much just to be in a relatinship,do any of you do this? i'm surprised no one responded to this thread. i think A LOT of women are in relationships just for the sake of being in one. they have a fear of being alone and all their friends are in ones, so they need to be too. they would almost rather put up with someone they don't really click with or that is even a jerk, than be alone. Pretty stupid if you ask me.
D-Lish Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I think lots of people, not just women, stay in a bad relationship because the fear of being alone outweighs the consequences of mediocracy. I have dinner with my high school friends once a month- all of which are married. They are all miserable, but none of them would consider seeking a better life for themselves because of children, mortgages and familiarity with routine. Some people just can't be alone- that reality scares them more than being miserable where they are. Sad, but true.
carhill Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Regardless of the dynamics behind closed doors, being in a LTR/cohabiting/married is social proof of value in a social society. If most everyone was single and polyamorous, people in committed monogamous relationships would be seen as limited and unpopular at worst, or merely not as 'desirable' to have as social companions as other single people. One sees a similar dynamic as parents tend to gravitate towards other parents as social companions. I saw it markedly as a single man and, later, as a childless married man. I've often wondered why people fear being alone. Very few of us are truly alone, as most of us have families and friends with whom we interact with a modicum or more of intimacy, and then more casual relations with acquaintances and strangers. No matter what we do or where we go, we're generally not alone. Do these people fear, by not having an intimate sexual/emotional relationship with a person (or believing they are not having one) that they are somehow unwanted, incomplete, unloved and forgotten? I think that would be a good topic for a discussion; the psychology of fear of being alone BTW, I don't see a gender qualifier here, though the thread is about ladies. I see similar actions by men as well. In fact, I was guilty of such during a portion of my marriage. I didn't fear being alone so much as I feared death and insanity. Staying in an unhealthy situation was less painful at that moment in time than the emotional trauma of ending it. Now, it's not an issue, but then it could have been the end of me. I'm sure many others have felt the same way. When that becomes an overwhelming feeling, it's time to get help, which is what we did. I would see a woman being in a relationship just for the sake of being in one less as a negative and more as an incompatibility, if that was her global perspective (a lifetime of not being able to be alone). It underscores fundamental psychological differences which IMO would be irreconcilable.
Author AD1980 Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 Regardless of the dynamics behind closed doors, being in a LTR/cohabiting/married is social proof of value in a social society. If most everyone was single and polyamorous, people in committed monogamous relationships would be seen as limited and unpopular at worst, or merely not as 'desirable' to have as social companions as other single people. One sees a similar dynamic as parents tend to gravitate towards other parents as social companions. I saw it markedly as a single man and, later, as a childless married man. I've often wondered why people fear being alone. Very few of us are truly alone, as most of us have families and friends with whom we interact with a modicum or more of intimacy, and then more casual relations with acquaintances and strangers. No matter what we do or where we go, we're generally not alone. Do these people fear, by not having an intimate sexual/emotional relationship with a person (or believing they are not having one) that they are somehow unwanted, incomplete, unloved and forgotten? I think that would be a good topic for a discussion; the psychology of fear of being alone BTW, I don't see a gender qualifier here, though the thread is about ladies. I see similar actions by men as well. In fact, I was guilty of such during a portion of my marriage. I didn't fear being alone so much as I feared death and insanity. Staying in an unhealthy situation was less painful at that moment in time than the emotional trauma of ending it. Now, it's not an issue, but then it could have been the end of me. I'm sure many others have felt the same way. When that becomes an overwhelming feeling, it's time to get help, which is what we did. I would see a woman being in a relationship just for the sake of being in one less as a negative and more as an incompatibility, if that was her global perspective (a lifetime of not being able to be alone). It underscores fundamental psychological differences which IMO would be irreconcilable. I just mentioend ladies because theres more of a negative social stigma attatched to single ladies especially at a certian age even moreso then men Women are suppsoed to want to be in a relationship is how shes perceives and if shes not in one people may think unfairly that somethigns wrnog wit her where if a Mans single people will jsut look at it as he doesnt want to be tied down and wants to be a bachelor..
Pizzaman81 Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Your sole existence is not to rely on another human being for survival.
Boundary Problem Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I agree. Some women are terrified of being single. So they grab "the best" around, while they wait for "Mr. Right". Ergo, Mr. Right, and Mr. Right Now. Very very common. Until they have been married a long time to Mr. Right Now, and then they realize - oopsie doodle. I'm divorced and married women are always coming to my place in wonder that I don't have to look after a man. Then they sit with a glass of wine and complain about their husbands. I'm used to it. Most of their husbands are good guys, but just a little clueless on how unhappy their wives are I think. Total T/J sorry.
Kristie16 Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I also wonder this and why people stay in relationships (not marriage) but bf/gf when they're unhappy? I think many times it is because they have gotten so used to being with someone and always having that person around that they cant imagine not having someone there. I have to admit, sometimes it seems nice to just have that one person always there. But having never had a bf, I sometimes wonder if I'm going to be the opposite...not used to having someone always there and not being alone. I had a friend (we had a falling out so we dont talk anymore but before that) she told me her bf told her he could never be in a long term relationship and he often put her down. They're in their mid to late 30s. She seriously thought about breaking up with him but ultimately decided to just stay with him. I didnt say anything, but I was thinking, "why in the world would you do that???"
dudet Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 makes me think of a situation. my aunt has stayed with her husband for years and years. he treated her like crap, physically and emotionally abused her..she just now is actually considering leaving him. i think she stayed with him all those years just for security reasons and well.....just because. smart huh:rolleyes:
2sunny Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I just mentioend ladies because theres more of a negative social stigma attatched to single ladies especially at a certian age even moreso then men Women are suppsoed to want to be in a relationship is how shes perceives and if shes not in one people may think unfairly that somethigns wrnog wit her where if a Mans single people will jsut look at it as he doesnt want to be tied down and wants to be a bachelor.. i totally disagree. i've never heard that if a woman is on her own - it shows negatively. i am a woman of substance, i don't waste my time and energy on men that are married, players, workaholics, etc... that leaves slim pickings. i don't want to be around someone just for them to be an irritation - i need to really like a man a lot to spend an extended amount of time with him. i view it like this... i'm perfectly fine and happy when i'm on my own... to be with someone i enjoy is just a huge bonus for me!
Author AD1980 Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 I agree. Some women are terrified of being single. So they grab "the best" around, while they wait for "Mr. Right". Ergo, Mr. Right, and Mr. Right Now. Very very common. Until they have been married a long time to Mr. Right Now, and then they realize - oopsie doodle. I'm divorced and married women are always coming to my place in wonder that I don't have to look after a man. Then they sit with a glass of wine and complain about their husbands. I'm used to it. Most of their husbands are good guys, but just a little clueless on how unhappy their wives are I think. Total T/J sorry. Just curious what type of things do they complain about their husbands?
Boundary Problem Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Just curious what type of things do they complain about their husbands? It is pretty bad. One says she doesn't like her husband at all anymore, and the other wished he would work overseas and just send home cheques. But these are busy busy career people and the H and W spend zero time together. Zero intimacy. parched sahara desert . No wonder the love died. I don't think the H's know how bad it is. Mind you there are lots of happy marriages. So maybe I'm just cherry-picking two marriages that are under the huge stress of kids, careers, mortgage, house etc. But you build this perfect life, but it takes so much out of you - it rips the heart out of the marriage. So sad. No time left for intimacy with each other. Mind you that is a choice.
Woggle Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 The sad fact is that is how most women end up viewing their husbands. It breaks my heart when I hear a man talk about loving his wife because chances are she does not feel the same about him.
Author AD1980 Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 It is pretty bad. One says she doesn't like her husband at all anymore, and the other wished he would work overseas and just send home cheques. But these are busy busy career people and the H and W spend zero time together. Zero intimacy. parched sahara desert . No wonder the love died. I don't think the H's know how bad it is. Mind you there are lots of happy marriages. So maybe I'm just cherry-picking two marriages that are under the huge stress of kids, careers, mortgage, house etc. But you build this perfect life, but it takes so much out of you - it rips the heart out of the marriage. So sad. No time left for intimacy with each other. Mind you that is a choice. Thats why i sometimes wonder wheter people are meant to be with one person the rest of theyre lives DOot get me wrogn i know some happy married couples whove been married for years but even the sucessful ones seem to have lost passion and the people are just there becasue theyve been togther so many years that its not worth leaving
BookerT Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 It's not necessarily to do with social stigma as you people have mentioned on this thread. There's a social stigma associated with cheating yet 50% of people do it. To the point where if you go to the cheating section of this forum there are people upset they cheated. Biology wins over logic more than you people think. At the end of the day throughout most of the evolution of our race it was vital for a woman to have a man, less so the other way around. The reason was protection, and this is why the feeling of security is so important for women.
Author AD1980 Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 It's not necessarily to do with social stigma as you people have mentioned on this thread. There's a social stigma associated with cheating yet 50% of people do it. To the point where if you go to the cheating section of this forum there are people upset they cheated. Biology wins over logic more than you people think. At the end of the day throughout most of the evolution of our race it was vital for a woman to have a man, less so the other way around. The reason was protection, and this is why the feeling of security is so important for women. But now that women are in the workforce theryes less reason for security and protection
Boundary Problem Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 But now that women are in the workforce theryes less reason for security and protection The need for security and protection is hardwired into us women. The train ain't leaving the station unless we feel safe and secure and protected by you. And it isn't easy for men to accomplish. Different women have different sensitivities. Plus the feeling of being protected by a male makes us feel very sexually attracted to that male. This is all core biology. Has nothing to do with the shirt he is wearing.
Author AD1980 Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 The need for security and protection is hardwired into us women. The train ain't leaving the station unless we feel safe and secure and protected by you. And it isn't easy for men to accomplish. Different women have different sensitivities. Plus the feeling of being protected by a male makes us feel very sexually attracted to that male. This is all core biology. Has nothing to do with the shirt he is wearing. Protected in what way? Physically? financially? I dont buy the hardwire thing weve evovled and people of the same genders all have different prefernces for me to believe its that strong..
TheLoneSock Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Height Physical fitness Financial stability Natural body language, holding them right, making them feel feminine These are all things that make a girl feel safe and protected. These are the things that activate a girl's sex drive and make them want to get it on and have your babies. Biology doesn't lie and is never going away, no matter how much we evolve as a society. Hard wiring is here to stay.
Author AD1980 Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 (edited) Height Physical fitness Financial stability Natural body language, holding them right, making them feel feminine These are all things that make a girl feel safe and protected. These are the things that activate a girl's sex drive and make them want to get it on and have your babies. Biology doesn't lie and is never going away, no matter how much we evolve as a society. Hard wiring is here to stay. Well i guess im screwed except for the being in somewhat adequate shape i guess ill have to be lonely becasue i cant make em feel "protected" Funny when a man cheats the fact that it could be hardwired in us to spread our seed wont fly which it shouldnt but when a women has an exhausting amount of checklists in a man physically emtionally and fincnacially and well just check it off to biology instead of her just being difficult and overly picky Edited December 8, 2009 by AD1980
TheLoneSock Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Well i guess im screwed except for the being in somewhat adequate shape i guess ill have to be lonely becasue i cant make em feel "protected" Funny when a man cheats the fact that it could be hardwired in us to spread our seed wont fly which it shouldnt but when a women has an exhausting amount of checklists in a man physically emtionally and fincnacially and well just check it off to biology instead of her just being difficult and overly picky Height might not be on your side, but you can always be fitter, and always make more money - those two things are within your grasp and limitless. Not to mention taking some MMA classes or something, that's protective abilities for you. It may seem like you'd have to jump through hoops, but if you look at it like you're doing it for a girl and not yourself, then you are doing it for the wrong reasons anyway. Improve yourself to the maximum, the girls will flock after, and you'll have your pick.
Author AD1980 Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 Height might not be on your side, but you can always be fitter, and always make more money - those two things are within your grasp and limitless. Not to mention taking some MMA classes or something, that's protective abilities for you. lol for what? To protect a girl? from what exactly?? Rapists usaully attack women when theyre alone
Author AD1980 Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 (edited) Height might not be on your side, but you can always be fitter, and always make more money - those two things are within your grasp and limitless. Not to mention taking some MMA classes or something, that's protective abilities for you. oops double post Edited December 8, 2009 by AD1980
TheLoneSock Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 lol for what? To protect a girl? from what exactly?? Rapists usaully attack women when theyre alone You never needing it isn't the point, now is it? It's the idea that you could in her eyes that matters.
C-i-C-u Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 You never needing it isn't the point, now is it? It's the idea that you could in her eyes that matters. eh, it doesn't matter because if you do take MMA classes and hit a taller guy for belittling you which taller guys do often. You can seriously get into more trouble for hitting him because of those MMA classes. Trust me I know it happened to me. Now this is going to upset the female portion. But I have seen one to many women being with toxic bf/husbands and then the women pick up the abusiveness. The won't leave the bf/hus what they will do it insult/threaten look down on males/women for no good reason like abusive people do. I've also seen many women who were no good people be in relationships with pushover men and I feel extremely bad for the men. I don't see it too often when it is the women with no voice in a bad relationship. So really guys as usual suffer more because of women.
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