Naive_Goal Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Hello all, I'm new here. Wish I didn't need to be here at all. I've been married 9 years in October. We've been together a total 15 years. In all that time I thought I was with my soul mate. My wife was my best friend in the world, the one I trust more than any, the person I was supposed to grow old with. We've always had a great relationship. We were proud of our communication skills. She's a therapist and taught me early on how important it was to communicate your feelings. Because of this we've never had any major fights or arguments. We have a good life. I am a business owner and provide well for our family which now includes a 7 year old and a 4 year old. As far as I knew we had the perfect life. Frequency of sex began dropping off a while back, but I assumed it was like all marriages. After kids you get busy, tired, etc. You need to make time for Romance. I think we're guilty of not doing that enough. So it had dropped to about once a week through 2008. In 2009 it began dropping some more. 3 times a month through winter, then in spring twice a month (I'm guessing here). At times I'd mention it to my wife, more of teasing than complaining. She said "women just don't want it as much as men". Other times she told me her friends say the same thing. I accepted that and figured when we have more time to be alone sex will pick up again. I should indicate that she began facebooking in summer of 2008 and her interest in that picked up dramatically. It's now a nightly ritual and she's connected way too often. Then in the summer of 2009 things started to really drop off. Along with reduced intimacy I noticed that my wife became shorter with me. She seemed to have a quicker temper and was stressed out and irritated more often and more easily. She spent a couple weekends back home to help an old friend organize a high school reunion. It was also a good time for her to see her parents and bring the kids to see them. I was able to get work done on the house and spent a weekend away fishing. In August I returned from a fishing trip and it had been 3 days since we'd seen eachother. I thought for sure that she would have missed me and would want to be intimate since it had been almost a month since the last time. She didn't seem to miss me. She was tired and not interested in any intimacy. Not even cuddling. Finally I suggested that we have a talk and she agreed it was time. I asked and she answered. She told me with tears in her eyes that she thinks that I'm more attracted to her than she is to me now. This hit me hard. I was really hurt to hear that my wife has lost attraction to me. I asked if it was something I did or said and she told me there is nothing I could do to be a better husband or father. finally I asked her if there was someone else and she responded with a forced chuckle "yeah, with what time???". She suggested that she needs to see a therapist to get a handle on her feelings. I wasted no time getting into therapy myself. This was approximately 9/1. The weekend of labor day I took the kids to an annual family party in Maine. My wife had an opportunity to see a friend she hadn't seen in 20 years back home. I told her to go. We talked some more in the coming weeks and I could never get much more than "I don't know" out of her with regards to her feelings towards me and our marriage. Finally one night she was out and I decided to check her cell phone bill. Unfortunately there were no phone numbers listed, but I remembered that the account is in my name so I went on line and created an on-line access account. My suspicions were affirmed when I saw the same phone number show up on her statement all over the place. Unfortunately I couldn't determine who it was. It was unlisted. Sorry, I am running late and will continue this thread ASAP.
Recommended Posts