puppydog Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Haha!! I just broke NC and I'm SO GLAD I DID!!! Not because we got back together, but because it firmly slammed the door and exposed him for the jerk that he was. I know people break up all the time, but dang. He turned the fastest 180 ever. It was only when the curtain fell that his true character was revealed. Basically I called him today to ask him for an hour of his time today or sometime this week to just meet, talk and clear the air. I just wanted to clear up any misunderstanding and just talk and see how we both were. He said [and i'm quoting verbatim] "is it going to be a neverending story with closure?? is this going to happen every month?? i don't see the point of meeting up. what's the point. it wouldn't solve anything. i've moved on. i have nothing to say." We haven't had closure conversations. The last time we talked was 3 weeks ago. He was the one that wanted to remain friends. I know we broke up, but after 3 yrs and 8 months he talks to me like this? I never knew him to be a jerk in the time that we were together, but wow I'm so glad I saw it after all.
Ilovecake Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 He said [and i'm quoting verbatim] "is it going to be a neverending story with closure?? is this going to happen every month?? i don't see the point of meeting up. what's the point. it wouldn't solve anything. i've moved on. i have nothing to say." Sure sounds like good old honest closure to me. It sounds like you're not looking for closure you just want to see him one more time. I mean if what he said above isn't it what would the right type of closure be for you? He doesn't want to see you or talk to you, door closed, move on.
Author puppydog Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 (edited) Honestly? I wanted to talk to him and explain about any potential misunderstandings we had. I didn't want to leave it on a negative note. I guess I wanted to clear the air and make sure we were on the same page when all was said and done. I was ok with being broken up. Instead, I just got the door slammed in my face, but I'm like "eh" at this point. Haha. It just reinforced my initial decision to break up with him. I can't believe I actually went back and asked for a second chance. What was I thinking Edited December 7, 2009 by puppydog
TheLoneSock Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Haha!! I just broke NC and I'm SO GLAD I DID!!! Not because we got back together, but because it firmly slammed the door and exposed him for the jerk that he was. I know people break up all the time, but dang. He turned the fastest 180 ever. It was only when the curtain fell that his true character was revealed. Basically I called him today to ask him for an hour of his time today or sometime this week to just meet, talk and clear the air. I just wanted to clear up any misunderstanding and just talk and see how we both were. He said [and i'm quoting verbatim] "is it going to be a neverending story with closure?? is this going to happen every month?? i don't see the point of meeting up. what's the point. it wouldn't solve anything. i've moved on. i have nothing to say." We haven't had closure conversations. The last time we talked was 3 weeks ago. He was the one that wanted to remain friends. I know we broke up, but after 3 yrs and 8 months he talks to me like this? I never knew him to be a jerk in the time that we were together, but wow I'm so glad I saw it after all. This isn't him being a jerk. This is him wanting NC from you. You just didn't like the feeling of rejection. Sorry, you just sound bitter, because he's right - there wouldn't be any point.
Ilovecake Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 There is no such thing as a closure conversation. Besides taking you back I have a feeling this person could never give you closure, no matter how many question they answer honestly. Closure will come to you with time and healing. You just have to let go now. The more you try the further you’ll push him away.
Author puppydog Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 haha. i wasn't bitter. mostly shocked and a tad hopeful but i'm glad it happened. time to move on!
threebyfate Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 puppydog, I went back to your first thread and read part of it. It left me with the impression that this isn't the first time you realized he was a jerk. The things you did for him were never appreciated or never enough. But on the otherhand, you used breaking up as a power tool. If someone doesn't want to give you closure, there's no way to get it so you have to give yourself closure. And when you give yourself closure, it's probably more realistic than anything your ex would have provided.
Author puppydog Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 thanks threebyfate for the acknowledgment. i went through craploads just to be with him but in the end, he just called me selfish. (that's the main thing i'm bitter about. not the conversation today) life is what it is. i'm just going to hash it out as just not meant to be. there's only so much i can do, right?
Maggotface Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Granted I do think it was rude of him seeing as he was the one who wanted to remain friends and now doesnt want to be around you. Maybe he's changed his mind or being around you is just to hard right now. He could be bitter from splitting after so long. Give him all the space he wants and if he really wants to be friends he'll call you.
LovelyDaze Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 if he really wants to be friends he'll call you. Maggotface has it right. even if it is in the next two minutes or never ever in this lifetime, I will NOT break my NC with my ex. It is not my turn. Think of this metaphor: A person smiles wide holding open the door for you then slams it shut in your face causing you to have a broken nose and stitches in your scalp, THEN they expect you to take them out for a nice expensive lunch, pay the 20% tip and apologize for getting blood all over their door. Sounds absurd? Yep, that's what us dumpees breaking NC is. Why brush our ex's ego even further? Isn't enough they can walk around saying they dropped us like a sack of potatoes on a porch? Why add to their ego by YOU contacting them for "closure?" We dumpees lie to ourselves when we want to break NC. We DON'T want closure...we want them back or at the very, very least...for our ex to beg for us to come back. Our ego's been bruised and we want some type of compensation for it. We know deep in our hearts that we don't need that person in our lives any longer. Logic just doesn't come out from the back of our mind because our broken heart is talking to loudly.
Author puppydog Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 (edited) We know deep in our hearts that we don't need that person in our lives any longer. Logic just doesn't come out from the back of our mind because our broken heart is talking to loudly. That's funny that you say that. I just had a discussion with a friend last night and we called that "Refunder's Remorse." Even though the dumper were to ever come back, you don't want them anymore especially after the ego has been fed. I just realized I sound way too happy about breaking NC. I'm just relieved that it's finally over. No more "what if's" Edited December 8, 2009 by puppydog
LovelyDaze Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 So proud of you puppydog. We will get strong, stumble a bit, maybe even fall clean into some mud over are exes. Most important thing we can do is to get up, clean ourselves up and keep walking down the road with our head held high. No more indignity. Our exes don't deserve having their egos brushed one-more-day.
kimmi Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 When I was reading your story it was like I was standing in front of my ex hearing these words, this is why I am going to ask a question to all of you on this thread instead of posting a new one. He say's to me all time it's going to be a never ending story with closure?? is this going to happen every month?? i don't see the point of meeting up. what's the point. it wouldn't solve anything. I've moved on. i have nothing to say." This is what I always hear from my ex and this is why I am on day 2 of NC. The flip side to this is that he comes over unannounced, He will call me and ask me to go out to his friends with him, He will come over for dinner and try's to stay the night until I say that he has to sleep on the couch then he goes home,and yes I admit that we have been sexual with each other. He also will do all kinds of nice things for me. I was the one that broke up with him after 7.5 years and he is a habit of mine so to fully let go was a scary thought. I need to as why some people do this? Why say one thing but show something else?
Author puppydog Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 I would say it's the comfort of having you there; because you're available and you let him back into your life in some way. There must be a reason why you broke up with him. You really need to do NC so that you heal and let him go.
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