kimmi Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Ex and I broke up 8 months ago. I am the one that ended this relationship but I feel so lost without him. Yesterday I looked at the date and I seen that it would have been 8 years we were together . I moved away and came back about a month ago, I did the NC for awhile when I was not living in the same place, however he would insist in contacting me all the time. I aways broke down and contacted him in the same form that he would contact me. I did not expect him to remember however the night before he was out with friends and apparently he brought this up to one of them. I was so scocked that he remembered this as through our old relationship he always forgot and we always ended up doing nothing together on this date. (I am big into romance and he is not at all). He did contact me yesterday but I asked him to please leave me alone for the day because I was sad and upset and I wanted him to respect my wishes. he stil tried to contact me so I got nasty to him to stop him. It worked no contact. Now I am back we contact each other all the time like 10 times a day just to say nothing to each other. He always asks me what I am doing, where I am at, what time I will be home, he will show up with no warning at all, Last time he did this (showing up) I was getting into the bath and he went in there and put bubbles in the water for me.. (I was in my livingroom). he drives accross the city to pick me up and bring me to a friends place that he is visiting. I do not understand his actions at all for this reason, he on the other hand says that we are over and to forget it he is never coming back to me. When I try to do something for him he always comes back with " I know what yor trying ot do and forget it, it will not work". I gave up because I did things for him because he needed the help, That stopped in a fast hurry. Due to the confussion that this has caused me I went NC yesterday (plus also because I missed him so much due to the date). All I kept on thinking is what if I stayed with him would this have gotten better? I know today the answer is no. I communicate and he is a non communicator. This feels like a game to me, can people please give there opion to why he is being this way, treating me like his girlfriend but telling me it will never be. I know this post is all over the place, I am lost really bad menally.
Odyssey Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 (edited) You were a big part of his life and not everyone can just walk away from that, he may really miss you as someone he's been close to in his life, but he may not miss you as a gf/lover. He may be kind of scared and lonely now that he's alone, but that doesn't mean that he wants you back? Maybe. Most of the time those that have been dumped stay in whatever contact hoping things would change for the better. By contacting him yourself, you're also giving him the impression that it's okay for him to contact you. Why did you breakup? Edited December 7, 2009 by Odyssey
Author kimmi Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 You are right and I thank you for that. We broke up for many reasons. The biggest one is that we gave up on each other. I got tired of him being like a child and feeling like a rag doll. I would have to remind him about everything and do everything for him. He always put me down in the end. I did not feel he respected me at all as a person that did not care. He felt that he was always my main stress in life . He still says that. He made a comment the other day about my weight loss and how much I have lost (60 pounds) he said see you look better now that I am not in your life to stress you out. My reply to him was it is not the stress it is my eating habbits that has changed. I have to stay on this NC but it is already killing me. I hate to hurt him. I hate to feel this way. People are coming online and saying did he call you yet. No and he wil not due to what I had said to him yesterday. Even his friends said that when they go out and do things he is not interested in it at all but goes along, does not talk to anyone does not dance. When I am around him he does all this. I have a feeling that if I stay on this NC maybe then he will start to move on. I really see that he is not moving on but I see him also depressed and lonley. If I had only one wish right now it would be that he could sit down and truly hear my words instead of ignoring them. it would make the world of difference. But NC it is. NO other choice. and yes I have to convince myself of this because like I said I hate to hurt him and I know it does.
Odyssey Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 A lot of people don't enjoy being the "dumper", especially when there's no real obvious, nasty reason why the relationship failed, like cheating. I've been on both sides of the fence. It's gonna be hard for both of you, but keeping contact will only give him false hope and prevents everyone moving forward. Time is your only true friend here. Good luck.
Author kimmi Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 I'm okay with the relationship ending, Ya it bothers me that I had to do it but I always come back with the thought that he will never do this so one of us has to . What I am not okay with is that he is so nice to me and so nice to my face but when I am not around he is the meanest person about me. He's said that being with me is like being in hell, He has said that it is "finally" over. I don't understand what he is trying to do. He knows I talk to these people and he knows that I will hear this. Who 's he trying to convince?
Template Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I don't understand what he is trying to do. He knows I talk to these people and he knows that I will hear this. Who 's he trying to convince? He's trying to convince HIMSELF that he's better off without you. He's hurting, and as you'll see, more people on this forum is probably more sympathetic to his plight than you are to yours. I'm not dismissing that you are hurting, as it's admirable that you are, I'm just saying he probably has a whole lot more hurt, and it'll probably get worse for him before it gets better. IF you really care for him, as you know, NC is what's best.
Author kimmi Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Oh I bet that he is hurting a lot more then I am. I know what I say is my truth but everyone has there "side" to the ending of relationships. I don't dought that he is trying to convince himself. This is more then likely harder on him then me and he is trying to cover his pain with lies. I am the one that was more emotional in this then him so as much as I see it and hear it I do find it hard to fully believe. When we were together I was told many times that he could walk away and never talk to me again, (not really what is happening here) I am not going to contact him... Kinda lost on what to do if he try's to contact me though. If it is anything like before then he will try in 3 days. I'm scared because when he contacted me yesterday my heart sunk and I stared at my cell. (after I was informed that he did know I would be messed up). WHY WHY WHY???
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