Orchid8 Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 The question here is, are there any of you dumpers around where the dumpee had used NC on you, and for some reason that made YOU go running back into their arms? If so, why did it work? I'd like to find out real 'field test' reports from this perspective, rather than simply the rationale behind it. Thanks. It depends on the reason for the break-up. I am speaking from my experience of a few years ago, not my recent situation. For me, I dumped my ex because he lied and cheated many times. He used NC on me, then caved in a few weeks later and blasted my phone (to which I ignored). Two years later, I get a Facebook email from him asking to be friends. I chose to be indifferent and ignored his request plus I ended up blocking him too. Needless to say, his NC didn't work for me because I had closed that chapter of my life and didn't want to look back. If the break-up was amicable and there weren't any feels of hatred or resent in the other person, I think the dumper would eventually cave in and reach out.
Author davyu Posted December 9, 2009 Author Posted December 9, 2009 Hm, but what you're saying is, they will cave in and reach out, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's anything to do with second chances right?
Beeotch Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I feel like NC only helps you not to be foolish and them coming back is only of they want you....or I should say if anything substantial comes out of them coming back, is only if THEY truly want you. NC doesn't have anything to do with their feelings or the reality of a situation, it is just a coping strategy. Their feelings about you is not controlled by No Contact. If they don't want you anymore then NC doesn't "make" them come back...or not for long anyway. I guess the short answer is: NC helps you both to clear your mind and it works out for the better for you guys in the event that they still love you/like you...so now you both have had time to think and grow and haven't continued being foolish... then you can reconcile ina healthier way. But if they do not want you like that anymore, NC is not going to make them want you. It may make them curious about you but it won't make them fall back inlove or whatnot.
Orchid8 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 (edited) Hm, but what you're saying is, they will cave in and reach out, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's anything to do with second chances right? Yes, it doesn't necessarily mean second chances. It all depends on the person but for me, the only time I would reach out is if there is still some sort of love and hope for a possible reconciliation. That would be the ONLY reason why I would reach out. If I had no more feelings for him, I wouldn't break NC, I wouldn't even entertain the thought of it just to see how he was doing or what he's been up to because I simply don't care. Edited December 9, 2009 by Orchid8
adamt Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 NC is there to help you get over your ex. It is like going cold turkey. It wil hurt like hell and be hard at first but your body and mind eventually copes and adjusts to not having that addictive love being with you. A side effect might be that the dumper realises they miss you and they want you back,BUT that is very rare. Stay NC and never go back once they know how you feel.
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