davyu Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 A recurring theme on LS after a break up is NC, which I'm sure most of you are aware of. NC is meant to be for healing, and I respect that. However, when people are still looking into possible chances of reconciliation, the advice is still NC. NC is the only scrap of hope (if any) for possibly salvaging the relationship. There have been several accounts on how NC did work for this purpose (though, be aware that this is meant to be the minority). The question here is, are there any of you dumpers around where the dumpee had used NC on you, and for some reason that made YOU go running back into their arms? If so, why did it work? I'd like to find out real 'field test' reports from this perspective, rather than simply the rationale behind it. Thanks.
condogal Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Hi Dav, the NC for me has made me not want to contact him nor run back cuz that's what he wanted....but maybe because it was his choice...i think in the long run his own NC want will be what he doesn't want when everything is quiet and he never hears from me...what do you think?
Author davyu Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 See, I'm currently 4 months into NC, I went NC mainly because it's my only option. As many people have stated, I don't want/need to know. But life's like that, I get updated somehow one way or another, and have fallen into relapse like, thrice, over this period. Then it struck me, how does NC actually make the dumper feel? As mentioned, I agree with you saying that he likely doesn't want to hear from you (but deep down inside, hopes for good news I suspect?). I dunno how 'long' the long run is, or is it purely arbitrary...
condogal Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 hey Dav, not sure what arburtary means...ooops sorry, i feel i'm quite intelligent but some words i don't understand...so you mentioned it's been months with NC from you and her??
Author davyu Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Haha do I sound male? What gave me away? I thought I had my gender hidden, but ah well. Anyway, yea, 4 months, well not entirely NC, exchanged like 2 text messages for something necessary like 2 months ago, but NC essentially. And arbitrary means, for example, how much wealth makes you a rich person? There is no solid definition. Some might say $1mil, some might say $1bn, the definition of 'rich' is arbitrary.
condogal Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Ya i know your male...lol...it's all good...so what do you think is happening with the NC.?..why did you feel acceptable of her doing so?...and wow, you did 4 months?...i'm hoping i could make that, you should be proud of yourself.!...what do you want out of this?...and is she compling with her want of NC...?
Author davyu Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 I don't really know what to expect, but I've been doing random stuff for improving myself, reading books, doing some exercising, partying (haha, that's not really improvement).... Oh, and I think I may have misled you, when I say it's the 'only option', I didn't mean SHE went NC, I just meant that I thought it was the only thing I could do.
condogal Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 hey, but is she complying with her choice of NC...do you know how she is coping?
Author davyu Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Hrm, I'm not actually too sure, I'm suspecting nostalgic mainly, but I have no way of knowing. I have cut off contact with her, including facebook and such (though occasionally I randomly click into her 'limited profile'. I gave away my password to a close friend during my first stages of post break-up trauma, but I still have a friendless account I use for doing random stuff like check up on my real account haha). I talk to her little sister like... from time to time, but never about anything related to her.
BigBubbs Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I've been NC for 4 months as well. I actually tried to call her last night but she didn't take my call. I had been thinking for a while I would like to reconnect now that the emotions are not as raw. But also last week her 11 year old send me some texts out of no where. I have no wrote an email that asks to reconnect and also lets her know her son is trying to communicate with me. I don't feel it's appropriate to ignore him but also it's not right to be in contact without his mom knowing. I believe you need NC for a while to figure yourself out but after a point you either move on or try to reconnect.
LovelyDaze Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Wow, what a good question! Actually, yes. When I was the dumper, my ex immediately conducted NC on me. God knows, I wanted him back even MORE! I did dance around it hence why he probably wondered why it took me so long to talk to him. I did feel like it was my move, my responsibility to call him first. I approached him cautiously and he was receptive and we did date again for awhile. Thing is...the old problems(trust, indifference, wandering eyes, etc.) weren't completely solved and we broke up again...this time, pretty amicably. the well had run out on our time together. But definitely, NC got me to WANT to make contact and several times I did NC on the guy that dumped me..HE called or texted back. The shortest? Three days. The longest? Like 3 and a half YEARS! But it did happen!
adamt Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I was dumped and i just went in NC automatically. She knew how I felt so I just let her be and thought if we were going to work out then she had to miss me. Then in the meantime i hit rock bottom and began to rebuild my self(going to the gym..etc). I think NC is kind of fooling your mind and heart that your ex does not exist anymore, as if they have died. So human nature allows you to move on once you have given up on them. I didnt speak to my ex for 5 months until we were in the same bar. She clocked me and came over to talk to me for about 15 mins. it was just a catchup conversation, mostly her being nosey and me asking how everyone is..etc she probably wanted to do teh "can we be friends" thing. I held my self well and was just polite but we felt a bit awkward. for the next week i was thinking about her. so i will not be tallking to her again. i will walk the opposite direction and if she does talk to me I will jsut ask her to leave me alone. I jsut cant handle the thought that she prefers to me alone than with me. I kind of feel she was selfish and didnt respect me towards the end of the relationship. I feel i just cant forgive her on what she has put me through since breaking up. It feels i am just part of her past and she has cut me out of her life/memories. Less i know about her the better. Just keep NC whatever!stay focused on where you want to get to and not what happened in the past. now i am making efforts to move on and meet someone else and been on a few dates. not going to jump in for the sake of it though. I'm the slimmest and fittest i have been for about 16 years !
condogal Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Hi, what would you think about a man going to lengths like a restraining order so he can have NC?
Kantor Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I was the dumper, and her NC drives me crazy, its completely opposite to who she is. So yes, it makes me think about her more, and makes me want to talk to her.
Author davyu Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 Hrm, interesting, I don't really know, I was trying not to be an @$$ and completely ignore her, just that my replies (like, 3 in total?) were delayed. Like how I would count to 15 before I reply to people on MSN to sound less desperate hahaha. But Kantor, the NC made you think about her more, but did it actually make reconciliation cross your mind? Or were you just missing the... erm, companionship?
condogal Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Hi, please could someone reply to "my" question...much appreciated...
Kantor Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 But Kantor, the NC made you think about her more, but did it actually make reconciliation cross your mind? Or were you just missing the... erm, companionship? Oh know, I want to reconcile, but I messed up, and she doesn't want anything to do with me right now. I sent her texts, when I wasn't an emotional mess, and laid out how I really felt and how I have learned from my mistakes etc...etc.. She still wont talk to me, although I haven't tried since.
Author davyu Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 Hi, please could someone reply to "my" question...much appreciated... Hrm, I don't actually understand your question, was the man the dumper or dumpee?
condogal Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 hi, he dumped me after 6 years on and off, lived together did so much for me like renovated my condo...and then drama happened, i showed up at his work and i just wanted to talk because he broke up with me again!...mr. likes to hide behind a phone, well he called the cops...and now i have a restraining order...could he have just been in a moment of anger??...can't believe he did this to me...
Author davyu Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 Wow, I thought the restraining order was just an exaggeration... Yea I dislike people who like to hide behind the phone, or worse yet, hide behind the SMS barrier. I totally think calling the cops is over... but I don't know the details, so can't judge, unless it was impulsive?
condogal Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 hi, don't know what SMS barrier means ...if i know him well ...yes impulsive...could he have done such a drastic thing but still loves me?...your a guy so i need a guys perspective...thank you so much.
Author davyu Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 Cliche as it may seem, there's a fine line between love and hate, it definitely means something more than simply being indifferent... I wouldn't do such a thing to someone I don't give a damn about? And by SMS barrier, I just made that term up. I meant people who refuse to even speak ON THE PHONE, but insist on maintaining contact through SMS.
condogal Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 hi, thanks Dav...so you mean it could be another meaning because he went so far, like, i love you but i want you to learn a lesson?...and what's SMS?...lol!!
Author davyu Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 hi, thanks Dav...so you mean it could be another meaning because he went so far, like, i love you but i want you to learn a lesson?...and what's SMS?...lol!! I'm not gonna take the risk of trying to guess what he's thinking, or what his intentions might be. I'll just say, I probably prefer that over coldness.
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