The_Ace Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Me and my wife are 21 years old, and have been married for almost 2 years now. Most of my family was against the marriage, telling me it was too early, considering we decided to get hitched after about 4 months of dating. I never agreed with them until now. It's not that we don't get along; she's my best friend. Our marriage was a product of our dedication to eachother's needs, and the feeling that we could surpass any problems. However, problems are now getting very deep, because the difference in our long-term goals is now becoming apparent. I'm now dedicated to starting my career, which requires a lot of my time. She gets upset when I spend too much time on it. She's having problems figuring out what she wants in life, but I have a feeling what she wants is to do raise a child. Because of my career-orientation, I don't want to think about having a child for a long time. We've tried reasoning with eachother, and thinking of compromises, but everything we try to execute them it ends up making us both unhappy. We've only talked about divorce once (about a week ago), and I've been heavily thinking about it since then. It seems like a logical next course of action. It's a hard thing to digest, because I've grown fairly close to her family. I can see myself being happy settling down with her in 8 years, and by having a divorce now, I've killing that plan. Do you think divorce is inevitable? How should I bring it up?
Maggotface Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I dont think it's inevitable at all, it's only a possibility. If she is truely unhappy and asks for a divorce and refuses to go to counciling then I would give it to her, it takes two to make a marriage work. You guys are just having problems but I am assuming it is still early in the marriage. You wont be happy all the time but that will pass, no matter how long you know someone before you get married you'll always run into a problem at some point. Me and my husband are also young and going through a divorce. He wants it, I dont at all it hurts so bad but he doesnt want me anymore so theres no point in fighting and making him even more misrable.
imagine Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 However, problems are now getting very deep, because the difference in our long-term goals is now becoming apparent. I'm now dedicated to starting my career, which requires a lot of my time. She gets upset when I spend too much time on it. She's having problems figuring out what she wants in life, but I have a feeling what she wants is to do raise a child. Because of my career-orientation, I don't want to think about having a child for a long time. Bottom line. You should spend a Minimum of 15 hours per week with this lady. Your commitment to the woman should exceed your career path. Plan for feeding your kids and work out what they would need, You may need help here -check with clinics, medical insurance and family. I would not choose to do business with a man who reneges on his promises. With divorce -you are!
Author The_Ace Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 Thank you, both. The reality check is appreciated.
2.50 a gallon Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Reality check, you seem to be taking divorce lightly. I am sorry to tell you this but it is too late, you both are going to be hurt. You are already attached, you have taken them vows. I am not talking God or laws here, but emotions. I was a 35 year old player when I took them vows. My attitude before marriage can best be put as let's get married in the morning, then if it doesn't work out, the whole day won't be wasted. Hah. I took them vows and everything changed. She was no my wife. There is a big difference between girl friends and wives. I had been through break ups before, some hurt, especially the one with my ex fiance, but I soon got over them. When my XW and I broke up, not only did I lose my best friend, but when she left she took half of me with her, and the half that remained was dead. You can drop a concrete block on your big toe and it will hurt like hell. In a couple of months it will be healed, and until then there are pills you can take that will relieve the pain and let you get some sleep. It doesn't work that way in a divorce, both side hurt, there are no magic pills, and in two months, if you are lucky you might see a little progress towards healing. Life as you know it will come to and end. you will never be the same. I suggest you read many of the threads on this board to get a glimpse of what you are going to experience. Marriage -vs - career This is something you are going to have to decide. Hopefully your career will give you employment in a job that you love, so that you will like going to work every day. Something where advancement up the ladder is possible, and yes financiall success would be great. But money isn't everything. I have known more than one succesful and rich man who has lost their wives to an OM who is far less successful. Suddenly they find that yesterday is gone, their wives complaint, you spend too much time on your job and not enough on me. They were devastated to find that there was nothing they can say, do or buy that would bring back their wives. And last but not least you do not want to ever see your wife in the arms of another man. To see her showing off her goodies and knowing that she is sharing her goodies with a slimball OM will leave images in your head that takes years to delete. The hardest was knowing she was wearing Victorias Secret underware that I bought for her, for the slimball OM's pleasure. My break up took place over 25 years ago, and for the past 14 years I have been very much in love with my very sexy present GF. I still hesitate when she goes into a Victoria Secrets store.
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