dario Posted December 17, 2003 Posted December 17, 2003 I met my girlfriend after a long period of solitude. I had been to hell and back with various things and I decided to go it alone in the world...saving money, making my way in it all. Then I met her. She had her own dark background. But we met and suddenly I found joy again. Positive joy. I was scared of her affection to begin with...a bit quiet and shy at first. But we did alot together...traveled a little too. But now she says she needs space....despite our understanding for each other she says that we're not strong enough people to be in relationships for now...if at all. Then she says she can't be in a relationship with me at the moment. SHe needs space. I felt it coming...but my self-defence mechanisms weren't working too well. I love this girl. She gave me all the affection in the world...yet, admitingly, we never fought. I stupidly emailed her...saying that if she needs to work out her problem/s we should deal with it all together. She says she can't do that. I'm thwarted by it all. I stupidly told her that ths could all result in me going back into my hellish ways....she said this was blackmail...honestly, I was trying to be just that with her - honest as I am truly lost. I guess she didn't need to hear it. I am at a loss.
moimeme Posted December 17, 2003 Posted December 17, 2003 Don't let yourself self-destruct over this. In the long run, it is better to be out of a relationship that is faltering than to try to stick it together with chewing-gum and old string until it finally collapses. You are in good company; a lot of people on this board are in the same situation. You need to be good to yourself, spend time with friends and family, and work on healing. Ths was not the only woman in the world who would suit you. You don't believe that now, but eventually you will.
Author dario Posted December 17, 2003 Author Posted December 17, 2003 I stupidly told her I loved her....but don't we all....? I mean, I do...but these things should be kept internally until the right time. I revealed some stuff about my past to be honest. I know I need her. I have my ideas, my independence...but, yes, I need her. As for once she's been unlike the rest. scarey but true. So, I'll leave her be. It's christmas...yes...and I am pretty much alone. But that's just me. I do stupid things...I live in a car...or am about to again. It happens. I collapse. I told her of this option to be honest with her...she knows that it was a part of my past in a dark place.
moimeme Posted December 17, 2003 Posted December 17, 2003 It happens. I collapse It doesn't have to happen and you don't have to collapse. Do you have anybody to help you? Have you a clergyman or counsellor to whom you can turn for assistance?
Author dario Posted December 17, 2003 Author Posted December 17, 2003 No, I'm alone. But that's okay...I've done this before. It's crippling....but there's nothing much I can do. I can't infringe on people's time. I have regrets...she drank quite alot and I knew this was a problem for her and I should have told her to curb her drinking knowing this.
Author dario Posted December 17, 2003 Author Posted December 17, 2003 Went for a long drive. Sent her the gift this morning. Realised that I love her but don't want her back. I regret what I told her....what I should have done. Hopefully this feeling will last. Only trouble is...when she calls what do I say? And if she wants to get back...what do i tell her? I can't.
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