Using the Facebook Network to Date

[b52s]

Ever been to a party or a friends gathering. And you met a man or a woman....of course, since it's the man's job to pursue or come up with ways to try to get to know a woman....

 

This is kind of mainly aimed at men. If you met a woman you chatted with at a party or social gathering, and you went home, saw them on your Facebook network of friends and contacted them there to re-establish contact that way....have you ever done that?

 

Facebook is sometimes a great tool in that regards if you think about it.

 

Any guys try to use FB as tool for this.

 

Now, I'm not talking about cotnacting random women you DONT know, but.....women you have met in the past, but would like to continue to get to know. :-)

[New Again]

I think this is a terrible idea, and I hate when guys do this. This is literally the reason I tightened up my security and privacy settings, initially.

 

1. It's lazy.

2. It's cowardly.

Neither of which make me think good things about the guy.

3. If a guy is trying to date me, I really don't need to see what girls are blowing up his wall with flirtatious comments, or those 1,384 party pictures where you're a complete wasted mess.

4. It sets a precedent for lazy and passive "communication" to be acceptable and the norm.

5. There is something about people assuming they can use Facebook as though it were Match.com or something that just irritates me. Date the old fashioned way. Try to read my signals in person, and if they're there, ask me for my number and CALL me for a date. Don't assume that being on Facebook means I'm looking to date.

6. I don't want all of my friends to suddenly know that I'm seeing/dating/flirting/whatever with someone because the guy decides to write flirty comments on my wall, on my pictures, or post like mad to my profile.

7. I don't want you to have access to all of my info either. Way too much information way too soon.

 

I could probably keep going on, but that definitely covers the most important basics for why no one should ever use Facebook as a dating tool.

 

It's also not the best way to put your best foot forward when you're dating, which is what you should be looking to do.

Edited December 7, 2009 by New Again

[b52s]

I think this is a terrible idea, and I hate when guys do this. This is literally the reason I tightened up my security and privacy settings, initially.

 

1. It's lazy.

2. It's cowardly.

Neither of which make me think good things about the guy.

3. If a guy is trying to date me, I really don't need to see what girls are blowing up his wall with flirtatious comments, or those 1,384 party pictures where you're a complete wasted mess.

4. It sets a precedent for lazy and passive "communication" to be acceptable and the norm.

5. There is something about people assuming they can use Facebook as though it were Match.com or something that just irritates me. Date the old fashioned way. Try to read my signals in person, and if they're there, ask me for my number and CALL me for a date. Don't assume that being on Facebook means I'm looking to date.

 

I could probably keep going on, but that definitely covers the most important basics for why no one should ever use Facebook as a dating tool.

 

Woah woah.....Yikes....lazy and cowardly....hm, that's kinda giong way out there on a limb by referring to a man as that. But, I have known a lot of men to use Facebook (and other related) events to contact women they've met at the parties and gatherings of other friends events as a method to contact whatever woman they liked with a "Hey, it was nice meeting you at Bill's party, dd you enjoy yourself?"

 

I think by doing it that way, they try to get their feel of the woman, to see if they even respond. If they do respond, the guy will attempt to continue conversation online, and then ask her out.

 

Actually, I've known a lot of guys to do this....so perhaps with tons of guys doing this, maybe it's not as bad as you think it is. With this being the information age.

 

I know a lot of men that do this, personally. And have started great relationships in this manner as well.

 

I've even heard women trying to contact men.

 

1. Meet man/woman at a party.

2. Go home, and see them on Facebook

3. Contact them, say, "Hey, it was nice meeting you at the party, did you have a good time?

 

4. See if he/she bites.

5. If he/she does bite.....continue correspondence, then ask them out to lunch or coffee...OR, perhaps make it a point to attend another event together.

 

I think that's the great thing about those Facebook events, you can use it to get in touch with the ladies or men you wanted to get to know more.

 

It's a dawn of the information era.

 

Besides, I hear women get don't like being put on the spot face-to-face either.

 

So really, you might hear arguements all across the board on this one.

[SoulSearch_CO]

I have known a lot of men to use Facebook

I've known a lot of guys to do this....so perhaps with tons of guys doing this

I know a lot of men that do this, personally.

Hey, B52s...do you know anyone that's actually done this? I'm teasing.

 

I personally don't see it as that big of a deal. I don't consider it "cowardly" or "lazy." But then - the most recent guy I dated, the MAJORITY of contact we had was through text and email. Hard for the guy to sit around on the phone with 3 kids harassing him. But good luck to any guy trying to find me on FB - my security is locked down tight. Even people that know me personally can't find me - I have to hunt them down and add them. I have personal reasons for keeping my security tight on there that have nothing to do with dating. If I didn't have those concerns, I'd have no problem being more search-able and having guys able to add me that have met me IRL.

[phineas]

As a man, I wouldn't do it unless SHE specifically asked me to.

 

There are millions of people on facebook. For me to find someone I met at a party i'd have to do some digging.

 

especially if I don't know her last name & if she doesn't have her photo in her profile.

 

The whole thing seems stalkerish to me.

 

But, if she does the same to me i'm cool with it. go figure.

[b52s]

As a man, I wouldn't do it unless SHE specifically asked me to.

 

There are millions of people on facebook. For me to find someone I met at a party i'd have to do some digging.

 

especially if I don't know her last name & if she doesn't have her photo in her profile.

 

The whole thing seems stalkerish to me.

 

But, if she does the same to me i'm cool with it. go figure.

 

Well, that's because you're a guy. But, I think women should emphasize with men, and perhaps spend a day in their shoes knowing what it's like to approach woman or come up with ways to get to know one.

 

Typically, I happen to see them in that "list" on the right or left that says, "You may know this person"....or somehow come across them when browsing through a friends friends list....or sometimes they just pop up in front of you suggeseting you actually ADD them.

 

So, actually, you don't have to dig deep.

Esp if the party was cheduled through FB

I know of some women that said they glad they aren't a man for that very reason. lol

[New Again]

Woah woah.....Yikes....lazy and cowardly....hm, that's kinda giong way out there on a limb by referring to a man as that. But, I have known a lot of men to use Facebook (and other related) events to contact women they've met at the parties and gatherings of other friends events as a method to contact whatever woman they liked with a "Hey, it was nice meeting you at Bill's party, dd you enjoy yourself?"

 

I think by doing it that way, they try to get their feel of the woman, to see if they even respond. If they do respond, the guy will attempt to continue conversation online, and then ask her out.

 

Actually, I've known a lot of guys to do this....so perhaps with tons of guys doing this, maybe it's not as bad as you think it is. With this being the information age.

 

I know a lot of men that do this, personally. And have started great relationships in this manner as well.

 

I've even heard women trying to contact men.

 

1. Meet man/woman at a party.

2. Go home, and see them on Facebook

3. Contact them, say, "Hey, it was nice meeting you at the party, did you have a good time?

 

4. See if he/she bites.

5. If he/she does bite.....continue correspondence, then ask them out to lunch or coffee...OR, perhaps make it a point to attend another event together.

 

I think that's the great thing about those Facebook events, you can use it to get in touch with the ladies or men you wanted to get to know more.

 

It's a dawn of the information era.

 

Besides, I hear women get don't like being put on the spot face-to-face either.

 

So really, you might hear arguements all across the board on this one.

 

I'm the first to admit that I feel very strongly about this. But, I also know that most people in my generation (the first wave of facebook users) feel the same way. The younger and older people seem to feel differently than we do.

 

I personally have a hard time thinking of something more lame than some guy Facebooking me to ask me if I had fun at a mutual friend's party. If you can't be bothered to ask me in person and try to get to know me that way...

 

Additionally, women shouldn't be such pussies about getting asked out - just assertively say "no."

 

AND, it's kind of liking the cooking thing. Dozens of guys Facebook girls to try to date them...but how many have the balls/confidence to just talk to her face to face? Not that many. So guess which guy the girl is going to choose if she has options.

 

Finally, I don't bite, nor do most girls. Just come up to us and say hi and start a conversation. Keep it short even. But we really are much more flattered by face to face contact.

[b52s]

I'm the first to admit that I feel very strongly about this. But, I also know that most people in my generation (the first wave of facebook users) feel the same way. The younger and older people seem to feel differently than we do.

 

I personally have a hard time thinking of something more lame than some guy Facebooking me to ask me if I had fun at a mutual friend's party. If you can't be bothered to ask me in person and try to get to know me that way...

 

Additionally, women shouldn't be such pussies about getting asked out - just assertively say "no."

 

AND, it's kind of liking the cooking thing. Dozens of guys Facebook girls to try to date them...but how many have the balls/confidence to just talk to her face to face? Not that many. So guess which guy the girl is going to choose if she has options.

 

Finally, I don't bite, nor do most girls. Just come up to us and say hi and start a conversation. Keep it short even. But we really are much more flattered by face to face contact.

 

 

I did with this one woman, when I was mingling we talked for a good short while, then I said it was nice meeting her and went to socialize with other people (she was kind of new to the group)

 

I was getting tired and went home.....a few days later if I happen to see her profile through my own friends network, I don't see the harm in emailing her there...perhaps even ask her out there if she bites.

 

Some guys don't want to move fast,esp. upon first meeting at an event.

[D-Jam]

I think personally this comes down to attraction or not.

 

Face it...if she thought the guy was hot, she'd gladly accept his friend request, laugh at his jokes, flirt back when he flirts, and accept a date invite the minute he gives it. She would have probably given him her number that night.

 

If she's not into you, then don't be surprised she doesn't want to know you outside of the meetup...or even on the web. She maybe thought you were nice, but while you went home remembering her in your mind, she forgot about you 2 min after you both parted ways. Now here you are popping up and what went from "ok" has now become "oh no".

 

This is why I use things like FB more as a means to connect with people I've known in person and only accept requests from strangers or people I just met IF THEY SEND THEM FIRST.

 

So if I was single and met an interesting girl at an event, I wouldn't see if she's on Facebook. I'd let her come across me because we might both have mutual friends and thus she'll add me. This is that "make her come to you" logic.

 

I'm sorry the world isn't fair. Women will hit it off with some guys and even go further that night than they will with others. She might avoid you or keep conversation short at the party, but end up making out with some unemployed bum who is uglier than you...or even sleep with him. She might instantly add everyone but you to her FB friends and make you wonder why you were left out.

 

In a meetup, women can spot the guys who are looking to find dates easily. Lord knows I've had female friends mention this to me when I held events. They see the guy or guys they know who are on the prowl, and they avoid them because they think those guys are looking for a warm piece of flesh.

 

This is why the best way to play things is to be someone that people will want to know. That whole "give them a piece, and make them come back for more" mentality.

 

1. Sign up for the meetup group, maybe take part in the discussion board, and RSVP for events.
   
2. DO NOT say hello to every girl who joins the group. That's one way they spot the guy who is looking to score a woman. When I was on nightclub message boards, a few guys would IM every hot girl who signed up and say hi...all trying to see if they could carry it over. Many of the women called these guys "creepy"
   
3. Show up to the events, and immediately approach and chat with your friends. If new people are there, THEN introduce yourself. If you see someone standing alone off to the side, then maybe be a social butterfly and invite them to join the group.
   
4. DO NOT try to hook up with the girl that night, or isolate the new girl in an attempt to chat it up with her. Most of these women show up to just make friends, not find a BF. Only an adonis/alpha male/eye-candy guy is going to get further with women that night. Most guys could walk away with a phone number at the most.
   
5. DO NOT ask her about her status or try to find out if she's "taken" or not. Again, this is a sure-fire sign to women that you see them more in a dating/flesh mode, not in a friendship mode.
   
6. Be nice when it's time to go. In fact, if you want to look like you have a life and such, leave an hour before the meetup ends, saying you are going to some other event or meeting up with friends. Have something in your mind to say even if it's a lie.
   
7. DO NOT look for them on social networks and such. DO NOT hit them up on the meetup site and tell them you had fun. Let them hit you up. The goal is to make them interested in you, and if every guy is pawing for the women, you will stand out as the guy who isn't.
   
8. Let them invite you into their lives. That means you don't look for them on Facebook or anything, but let them find you. If they thought you were cool they will look. Don't email them through the meetup site...let them email you.
   

If the woman is interested, she'll show up to meetups you're going to be at AND look for you. That's how you know you can ask her out and such.

 

Some guys have the looks/charm to get a number or something that night, but I go back to my other topic and believe many more guys need to slow down, take their time, and let this woman grow to be COMFORTABLE with you.

 

If a woman is in the mode of seeking friends and is only thinking "dating" if Jude Law comes strolling into the meetup, then it's pointless to try to get with her that night or even on the sites. She's got in her mind the standard of what she wants, and you're not it. In the front of her mind though she knows she can't get Jude Law, so she'll find you as a possibility IF she's comfortable and charmed by you.

 

Women want to come to meetups to be sociable...not be put on stage and judged and chased by men. She could put on a miniskirt and go to a club if she wants that.

[New Again]

I did with this one woman, when I was mingling we talked for a good short while, then I said it was nice meeting her and went to socialize with other people (she was kind of new to the group)

 

I was getting tired and went home.....a few days later if I happen to see her profile through my own friends network, I don't see the harm in emailing her there...perhaps even ask her out there if she bites.

 

Some guys don't want to move fast,esp. upon first meeting at an event.

 

Interpreted as low interest.

[b52s]

Interpreted as low interest.

 

 

No, sorry, not enough information to tell. Or not enough time spent.

[D-Jam]

I'm quoting myself on this...

 

She maybe thought you were nice, but while you went home remembering her in your mind, she forgot about you 2 min after you both parted ways.

 

 

Many men and women will meet someone cool and think more of that person and moment than the other did.

 

Sucks when it happens, but that's life.

[b52s]

Figured I'd resurrect this old thread. lol

 

Last year, this dude/male acquaintance brings a beautiful red-head with him to one of our Meetups as a +1

 

He's about equivalent to me in looks, but 50 years old. (I'm 37) She's early 30's. I figured, "Dang, lucky guy....too bad she's taken." Cause when I saw her, I was like "wow!"

 

She has the "Jessica Rabbit" thing going, very pouty red lips and beautiful and bold red hair and nice eyes.

 

I'm not one to really notice LIPS on a woman, more into what's below the equator, LOL....but man, she really takes the cake in that department. She has this "bold" gorgeous face that really seems to stand out in a crowd.

 

I was just briefly introduced by him, and nothing more....the eventually stopped coming to the Meetup events....well, because that's what happens:

 

Boy meets girl at Meetup

Boy Dates girl at Meetup

Both leave Meetup to pursue events that include only each other

Boy and girl breaks up.

 

About a year later, I see the male going stag to our events once again. Never really asked about her, but now he's officially dating someone once more.

 

Later on, I happen to be browsing through my list of friends and bump into his Ex girlfriend (the woman I crushed on during that brief moment a year ago)

 

I decided to what the heck, contact her.....figured what the heck, she could just ignore me.

 

I said, "Hey, you look familiar, didn't I see you at a Meetup?" and she said yea, she was dating <his name> at the time when she went.

 

And I got the ball rolling there, and I asked if I could add her as a friend....and she said I could!

 

Turns out she's single, and quite frankly, she seems to have similar tastes as I do in entertainment. That appealed to me as well.

 

So see, some women don't take issue with it, in fact, I landed dates by doing it this way (or something similar to it).

Edited December 12, 2009 by b52s

[b52s]

DO NOT hit them up on the meetup site and tell them you had fun.

 

No offense D Jam, I like your advice....but I don't see how this is a problem. Why not do this? That's how a guy can get the ball rolling in getting to know someone.

 

Man, if men didn't do anything and let the woman make the first move....we'd be dateless.LOL

 

Some of what you said is good, no problem...but some of it is a bit extreme, such as what I mentioned, don't you think??

[MadDriver]

OP, you're too late for the party. Women of Facebook have wised up after incidents like these:

 

Facebook 'Sperminator' gets 12 girls pregnant.

[Waitress]

Personally, I don't have nearly as many facebook friends as some people. I don't get the people who have 500+ friends on FB. What's that about??

 

So, for me, if a guy friended me on FB when I had just met him I'd be really uncomfortable. It could work against him frankly. I would probably not want to accept the friend request and then he'd feel rejected.

 

What am I supposed to do, write him back and say, hey, I might want to spend more time but I don't accept friend requests unless we're actually friends or have been at one time.

 

Oh, I also think if a guy wants to ask you out he can get your phone number and call you!

 

I recognize that other people feel otherwise. Just my opinion.

[b52s]

Personally, I don't have nearly as many facebook friends as some people. I don't get the people who have 500+ friends on FB. What's that about??

 

So, for me, if a guy friended me on FB when I had just met him I'd be really uncomfortable. It could work against him frankly. I would probably not want to accept the friend request and then he'd feel rejected.

 

What am I supposed to do, write him back and say, hey, I might want to spend more time but I don't accept friend requests unless we're actually friends or have been at one time.

 

Oh, I also think if a guy wants to ask you out he can get your phone number and call you!

 

I recognize that other people feel otherwise. Just my opinion.

 

Yeah, you can ask for her phone # in an email....'nuff said. LOL

[Waitress]

Yeah, you can ask for her phone # in an email....'nuff said. LOL

 

You can ask the mutual friend for her number!

[b52s]

You can ask the mutual friend for her number!

 

That doesn't make any sense.