xoxo88 Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I'm just curious if the one breaking up with you is ever telling you the truth. Or they tell you only some part of the truth. I think there is more to it than what they tell you. They make up something to sound nice or choose one of the reasons that made them break up with you, but the least harmful one, leaving you wondering yourself what you did wrong.
Boundary Problem Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Yeah pretty much. If they are breaking up, they have already settle on the decision, they are comfortable with the decision. The actual break-up is unpleasant so they try to calculate the excuse that will generate the least drama (and their involement) as they have already exited the situation. I'm generalizing. But usually if someone is emotionally gone at the end of a relationship they don't feel a loyalty to tell the truth. They will likely tell you a version of the truth. e.g. If I really don't want a guy back I'll say it is a problem with his age etc something he can't change. And I'll say sorry - no exceptions. Just to give you an example. the reality in that case was he was an alcoholic. Me not wanting to see him again had nothing to do with his age. So yes we soften the blow. I hesitate to call it lying.
almostpassedit Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 why does it matter? they left and didn't want to be with you, who cares what the reason(s) were? whatever it was, it was enough to leave you for. who cares why they did it? why did they attack america? who cares they did it why did that lady drown her kids, who cares she did it why did hilter kill all the jews?, who cares he did it why did my girlfriend break up with me? who cares she did it
tryagaintoday Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Yes, as least that's what they think the real reason was at that point of time. In reality, she's stupid and it was proven. Told me that "She has fallen for him" and was now dumped by him (after sex I suppose). Quit her job because she felt he could support him (I can as well) and now she is left jobless and dumped by the man she cheated with. Whatever, it's none of my concern now. I'm happily attached.
USMCHokie Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I started a thread on the coping forum earlier on this topic. I think there is only one "real reason" for ANY breakup. Dumper didn't think that Dumpee was good enough at that time. It's as simple as that. Everything can be traced back to that. Everything else is just sugarcoating or bullsh*t because Dumper is too "sensitive" or cowardly to give Dumpee the truth.
Brightmoon Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I think they weave something around the truth. It's what I did, when I have done it. Possibly rare people say it how it is to the letter. But that is rare... that's my thinking.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I've never had a problem being straight-up about my reasons for breaking up. Told my xbf that I was breaking up because he's too much of a bachelor AND the spark just wasn't there. Told my XH plenty over the time it took for me to reach a divorce decision and then plenty more during the time it took the thing to finalize...and we also discussed it after the finalization. Nobody was left wondering anywhere. I don't see any reason in BS'ing - especially because if you're TOO nice, they might think there's hope of reconciliation. I just go with straight honesty. I'm not mean - just honest.
JBaker Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I started a thread on the coping forum earlier on this topic. I think there is only one "real reason" for ANY breakup. Dumper didn't think that Dumpee was good enough at that time. It's as simple as that. Everything can be traced back to that. Everything else is just sugarcoating or bullsh*t because Dumper is too "sensitive" or cowardly to give Dumpee the truth. I think this is quite insightful and helpful. Thanks. Though it does make me worry that the reasons she gave me were BS (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t212460/) - and have led me to keep hope. Perhaps I should lose hope and just move on. Perhaps you would be so kind as to read my post and give me some of this insight?
adamt Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 i thought me ex was pretty blunt and truthful. very cold and no emotions. I could tell she had thought it through on how to end it. She said we had very little in common(mm..how did we last 3 years and nearly bought a house together), sex had stopped and i asked her if she said she didnt fancy me anymore . which she said she didnt amongst other things. not a chance of talking it through, which was the worst bit to deal with. no chance to sit down and sort things out. I had lots of unanswered questions but i had to figure them out on my own. Since splitting up i've got snippets of info and seems she just doesnt have time for a boyfriend and is busy wuth work and travellign around visit friends. but then i have to accept that if she was into me she wouldnt want to do that. we lasted 3 years, she started to change after 2 years. not long after she told be 2 years was the longest she had been out withsomeone before me. maybe she is a bit of a committmentphobe and wont settle down(she is 36 with 2 cats) over time you just accept things were not meant to be and you wil never put your finger on it.important bit is focus on yourself and go NC.
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