DenverBachelor Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Coming up on the two month mark of the breakup and I feel that I'm in a MUCH better place than I was a month ago and a MUCH MUCH MUCH better place than I was the first week after the breakup. Man, if I had to go through that BS again -- I'd seriously rather just press a hot iron against my hand for a few minutes and then have someone pour a bottle of salt over it. I think keel hauling would even be more preferable. Anyhow, this has been my path: 1) Denial 2) Bargaining 3) Depression (running over most of these) 4) Anger I'm now in the anger stage. When I think back to how she lied in my face about not seeing anyone and then I played the good guy by moving out and removing my name from our joint lease just so she could have the place ready for her new adventures. Jesus, I can feel my blood boiling. Then she lies again when I found out and confronted her and she still persists in lying to my face. After the $6,000 I spent on rent while she finished her Masters degree. I even helped her with her homework. Then she gets rid of our dog after I'm gone without even asking me if I'd like her. She's a selfish bitch! Jesus, seven years she pulled the wool over my eyes. That ******* *****! I think she's made me jaded against women for life. Women! I mean, damn -- they will suck all your blood while smiling and rubbing your shoulders and as soon as they suck the life out of you, they'll laugh, smack you back and give you the cold shoulder. Nothing in this world can get colder than a bitch who has suddenly decided to turn your world upside down. Not even deep space can come close to the frigid blood that runs through that bitch's veins. What a coward she was! And she jumps right into a new relationship because she doesn't know how to be happy by herself. And that will crash and burn soon enough. Maybe not tomorrow, next week or next month -- but mark my words -- within a year give or take, that relationship is going to flame out. You hear me, woman? Karma is a real bitch and you'll get yours soon enough. Don't think I'll be a shoulder to cry on when your delicate little house of cards comes crashing down. I gave you security, I paid the rent and all the bills, I gave you airline tickets wherever you wanted to go, I trusted you, I loved you and would have stuck by you, I loved your family, your family loved me, I would have given you anything you wanted. I would have worked two jobs if needed. Holy ****! I'm a great guy and she's just ****ed in the head. She dumped me and did me a huge favor. What have I been doing for the past two months wallowing around missing that ice-cold woman. Really? Me? DB? What have I been doing? I did so much for her -- she's just ****ed in the head. I'm a good person and she's the bitch. And I've been the one going ape**** each night over the entire thing. Holy hell ...
Author DenverBachelor Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Furthermore, let me just add that I'm really glad I'm in the anger stage. I'm getting my position of power back. I can't believe how pathetic I was to write her the letters and call her and spill my guts out to her. What part of my brain was THAT coming from so I can get it removed. That's really cute. She ****s all over me and then I come back and want more of her bull****? What kind of self-respect is that? What was I thinking? No, I know what I was thinking -- I missed the RELATIONSHIP and COMFORT and not her. I was just projecting my depression and sorrow on her because she was the symbol for those things. In all actuality, I could have been dating a blow-up doll that just popped one day and probably suffer the same type of feelings. Holy hell, I was putting myself BELOW her in the power ladder? Really? I'm ten times the person she is (right off the bat, I have morals and wouldn't cheat on my significant other and then just coast through the relationship until it was convenient to bail -- can you say COWARD to the extreme?) Oh man ... I need to channel this anger at the gym tomorrow. I absolutely can't believe that lying, cheating, cowardly, deceitful, selfish, uptight stupid bitch. Bad on me for not putting two and two together when she used to tell me how all the other ex's in her life screwed her over -- what's the common element there? Bad on me for not realizing that she really has slept with every letter of the alphabet. Bad on me for trusting her when I once thought she was truly different -- only to find out she is WORSE than the worst I've known in my past. Absolutely astounding job, Ex. You're a master at your game and a true maverick in the art of bull****.
wendy37 Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 im in the stage 2 and sooooooooo dont want to be,he is not worth this... i suffered 2 deaths in 9months and my dad being one of them..did he stand by me?no yeah the whole grieving thing sent me off the rails for 2 years but i wasnt just dealing with 2 deaths,i was dealing with his non compassion,his lies his internet dating and so on yet im blamed myself for not coping well and i have sent him letters e-mails the lot....i cant wait until im out of this all together..i sadly have no self respect at the moment being too worried about what hes doing or seeing..yet he does not deserve this grrrrrrr
GrayClouds Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Be warned the stages are not a linear process, they have a habit of coming back around for another do-si-do in the insane square dance of heartache. With some surprising amount of pain. But each time around you learning the moves a bit better so your heart does not get stepped on as much. YEEeee' ha ain't it fun?
TuesGirl Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 @DenverBachelor: The anger stage finally pushed me to do what was best for me too, and in my situation, that was initiating NC after 2.5 months of LC. I don't like being angry, but I was 'happy' for the initiative it gave me. And hey, don't give up on women. There are seom decent ones out there @GrayClouds: Yea, I have heard that you cycle through all of the stages in random willynilly order...damnit, because I sure as hell don't want to 'want' him back. Now I just have enough anger to say "well if I'm not good enough for you, then you get NOTHING of me"...yee-haw is correct
XKatieX Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 (edited) #5 Accepting? I think thats the last one we all go through I'm glad you're seeing you deserve much better though, it is a good feeling. Edited December 8, 2009 by XKatieX
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