tigressA Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 This is one of the things I don't like about Facebook--relatives of the person you're dating/not-dating, whatever, friending you based on the fact that they know your connection with their relative. Today I got a friend request from RG's youngest brother. I met the middle one once and met their mom twice (neither of them have friended me ). RG had said he had a lot of explaining to do over the Thanksgiving holiday about me since his mom had blabbed to pretty much everyone in the family. Due to that, of course this guy would know who I am and how I know his brother. I'm thinking this is just a nosy-parker situation, that he's using Facebook as a way to stalk me. I haven't accepted the request; I sent him a message saying that RG had told me a bit about him, and gently asking why he sent me a friend request. Haven't had a response yet. RG's told me they're all really close--he and his brothers and their mom, which is sweet but I'm wondering what this guy's got to say to me, especially since we haven't even met in person. I'm not expecting some big revelation in regards to RG; that's just stupid, but...still, it's weird. I would've been less surprised by the other brother friending me because I actually met him. Anyone else here deal with this kind of situation? What did you do? Do you think I'm handling it right by not accepting the request right away and finding out his motives first (if he even really has any)?
Boundary Problem Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Do you have any business reasons to want them to be able to get a hold of you? That is the reason I tend to confirm most people who want to friend me. Inevitably they need my services, or a referral. Try and figure out if you'll be dating this guy in 6 months, if you think yes, than I can see accepting his family as 'friends' on facebook. Problem is that when you are 1 out of 399 friends, it really is an address book, and they all have access to your photos....and friends sometimes write bad things on your wall etc.
Author tigressA Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 No, there aren't any business reasons. I'm a student, not a professional. I did notice that he has a few hundred friends, and of course he's friends with both of his brothers, which is, I'm sure, how he found me (I posted a few things to RG's wall recently, so I would've been highly visible on his profile). I really don't know if I'll be dating this guy in 6 months. That's what's weird about it. This doesn't happen to me unless I'm in an established relationship with someone--my last two boyfriends, their siblings friended me long after we were an official couple. I would've felt weird with the brother I've already met sending a friend request too, because of the circumstance--no relationship, really unclear status.
Confusedalways Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 In a way I see it as kind of flattering- RG may have talked more highly about you than you think and thus the brother assumed a relationship soon and just wanted to be friendly (and I'm sure nosy as well). Plus, you say he's his youngest brother and although I don't know his age- people that age friend everyone and their brother, literally. It makes them look popular, they think. And if you're still on default privacy, sending him a message will let him see your profile now, anyway. I understand your reservations but I think the brother thinks less of this situation than you do.
Boundary Problem Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I think the problem is that she is anticipating the relationship not working out and then the agonizing decision about unfriending these extra contacts during the break-up fallout. Easier to be a bit snotty and just not accept them as friends in the first place. I guess it depends how often you will see them. If seldom you can safely ignore the firends request. If you see them often, then it is going to be an issue for them.
Author tigressA Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 In a way I see it as kind of flattering- RG may have talked more highly about you than you think and thus the brother assumed a relationship soon and just wanted to be friendly (and I'm sure nosy as well). Plus, you say he's his youngest brother and although I don't know his age- people that age friend everyone and their brother, literally. It makes them look popular, they think. Well, he's my age--22. I'm not the type to friend everyone and their brother, so that's why I'm a bit wary. And you could be right, it does seem kind of flattering. I do know that their mom raved about me, according to RG--"Oh she's so pretty and polite, and you said she can cook, too? Is she dating anybody?", etc, like moms do...
kimflute26 Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I TOTALLY understand where you're coming from! Recently my brother started dating this one girl. They seemed to hit it off very quickly and were suddenly hanging out all the time. I came close to friending the girl on facebook but decided against it... and it was a good thing I did. About a week later the girl decided that she couldn't be in a relationship right now and broke it off. So that's a classic example of why the whole thing wouldve been weird. However, I could see doing it if the relationship was very established and it seemed there would eb no break up anytime soon. Other than that, no.
Author tigressA Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 (edited) I actually haven't seen much of RG over the last couple of weeks, talked to him really infrequently...seems like he's been pulling back, not like it's much concern of mine as I'm not his girlfriend. I guess the brother doesn't know that RG's been pulling back, which is another reason why I thought that friend request now was especially weird. Because of that I highly doubt that RG knows his brother has gone ahead and Facebooked me. And he might not be too happy if he finds out, might feel like his family's meddling in his life or whatever. Which seems to be the case anyway because of the circumstances themselves. Edited December 7, 2009 by tigressA
Boundary Problem Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I actually haven't seen much of RG over the last couple of weeks, talked to him really infrequently...seems like he's been pulling back, not like it's much concern of mine as I'm not his girlfriend. I guess the brother doesn't know that RG's been pulling back, which is another reason why I thought that friend request now was especially weird. Because of that I highly doubt that RG knows his brother has gone ahead and Facebooked me. And he might not be too happy if he finds out, might feel like his family's meddling in his life or whatever. Which seems to be the case anyway because of the circumstances themselves. Is the brother trying to move in on your radar?
Author tigressA Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Is the brother trying to move in on your radar? What, you mean get with me? Ohhhhh no! I mean, first of all, RG's told me that he has a live-in girlfriend, and his Facebook says he's in a relationship. Additionally, I'd find that kind of creepy since I've never met him. Though all three brothers are exceedingly good-looking.
Boundary Problem Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 What, you mean get with me? Ohhhhh no! I mean, first of all, RG's told me that he has a live-in girlfriend, and his Facebook says he's in a relationship. Additionally, I'd find that kind of creepy since I've never met him. Though all three brothers are exceedingly good-looking. If RG is pulling back, I wouldn't friend any of his brothers. I have yet to meet a man who simply wanted friendship with me. The brother can be in a relationship and just be a little lonely and thought he would reach out. It always starts innocently......
Author tigressA Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 (edited) If RG is pulling back, I wouldn't friend any of his brothers. I have yet to meet a man who simply wanted friendship with me. Well, it's just that he's been really busy--according to him. He at least has let me know when he isn't going to be in class (we have a class together, that's how we met) or if he can't hang out and an alternate time when he can see me. Just that lately we haven't been spending nearly as much time together as we were before. Admittedly, he was getting really distracted by me before and not focusing on things he was supposed to be doing--like coursework, so he could have just been feeling like he needed to re-focus. One of the last times we talked--online--he did say "Good God, I came to the library because I couldn't focus at home and now I'm getting distracted by you"...he's said stuff like that several other times. Not as in "You're annoying me, go away", of course. Edited December 7, 2009 by tigressA
Boundary Problem Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Distracted? Well I'll ask you bluntly. Do you want to date the brother? If No, don't make him a friend on facebook. He doesn't see you as a "sister". Sisters aren't distracting.
Author tigressA Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 I was talking about RG in that last post, not his brother who friended me. I haven't met his brother. And no, I wouldn't want to date him; I never even met him.
Boundary Problem Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Oh sorry. I misread what you were trying to say.
Author tigressA Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Oh it's fine, I can see where you would've been confused. Anyway...I'm thinking of telling RG about it, seeing what he says. Or maybe he'll bring it up himself, if he and his brothers are as close as he says they are. Good idea?
Boundary Problem Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Nooooo (whispered - so it travels to you). I made that mistake. Don't mention anything to do with the brothers. At all.
Author tigressA Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Okay, I won't--but why would it be a mistake?
Boundary Problem Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I'm ashamed to talk about it. But the essence is that males are territorial and best to just focus on the man you are interested in without facebooking his brothers. I'll leave it at that.
Author tigressA Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Huh...well, I don't think it's that big of a deal bringing it up but I'll just see if RG brings it up himself and if he does we can talk about it. It's probably just that his brother thinks RG and I are dating. I guess in a way we are, but I don't know if it's leading anywhere. That's the main reason I was so confused by the request in the first place...
SadandConfusedWA Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Tigressa, You are reading WAY too much into it. The brother probably just wanted to increase his friend count and look at your sexy pictures at the same time...
Author tigressA Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Tigressa, You are reading WAY too much into it. The brother probably just wanted to increase his friend count and look at your sexy pictures at the same time... That is also a very likely possibility. Oh well. I guess I'll get the answer to my question once he responds to the message I sent.
New Again Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Anyone else here deal with this kind of situation? What did you do? Do you think I'm handling it right by not accepting the request right away and finding out his motives first (if he even really has any)? Yup, I'm sure pretty much everyone on Facebook has dealt with situations like this. My solution: I changed my settings so people can't find me to send me unwanted friend requests.
New Again Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Tigressa, You are reading WAY too much into it. The brother probably just wanted to increase his friend count and look at your sexy pictures at the same time... X2 Facebook really isn't a big deal.
sfsassy Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I'm dealing with a somewhat similar situation. It isn't a big problem but annoying,I miet this what cool coople (or so I thought.) through the guy Im dating. They told me to friend them and I did. Fast forward a month later. My guy and I break up for like one minute (a whole other post on that later maybe, lol.) and the couple messages me on facebook, asking how I am. (They found out through my guy, not fb, as the "breakkup" didn't seem real definite, so wasn't announcing it.) Told them I was fine,, will live, whatever. Anyway, they break up like a week later, and now the woman of the couple is both 'hinting' to my guy that she wants to be with him, nothing overt but enough comments to make him a bit wary, and she sent me a note trying to semi diss him. Want to de friend both in the couple, but hate drama, and I'm not responding to the woman''s dramatics. This has taught me to be more careful who I friend and accept as friends I do have a rule that I don't write anything on there that I wouldn't want broadcasted in the news, or tthat I wouldn't wat my teen cousins to read, Of course this couple is airing their dirty laundry on FB. Interesting to read, but ughhhhhhhhhhhh, not my business.
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