Sharon1961 Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Do you generally understand or does it make you pursue more? I genuinely want some space for just a little while. Don't want a big dramatic thing. What's the best way to go about it?
Boundary Problem Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Good luck. Pulling back will make them pursue. It is just their nature. I would just quietly do it and just not pick up the phone. That will give you at least a week or two before they catch on that there is a problem.
Sam Spade Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I personally would break up as soon as I hear the words "i need some space" (which in itself is just an annoying way to preface a break up). If you actually need space for activities etc. just work out a mutually agreable schedule. It's not rocket science.
cognac Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Space always = I'm interested in other people but want to keep you on the sideline if I sleep with them and they don't call back.
Woggle Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I give her all the space she her heart desires and she gets to have it permanently.
Author Sharon1961 Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Thanks for the responses. I don't want him gone but things have happened really fast and I just really do want a little space to kind of catch up in my head.
cognac Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Thanks for the responses. I don't want him gone but things have happened really fast and I just really do want a little space to kind of catch up in my head. What's the real reason you want space? Are you not sure if you are "settling" for him or if you can do better? There is always a LOT more than "just needing space" when women say it.
Author Sharon1961 Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 I have some issues, some baggage and want to to deal with it before I more forward.
Author Sharon1961 Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 One more question - does anyone ever consider it understandable when the other party asks for space or is always considered a problem?
boogieboy Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Its always a problem. You have a few reasons, and they all sound like a cover for "i have someone else I want to start trying" even though thats not the case. If you tell your guy you need space, be prepared for him to not believe your reasons.
J dub Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 This is a very relative question, ie: so many variables are relative. If he is really in to you, he will have no problem honoring some space if thats what you need. And so should he. If he is a lamewad, he will throw a fit/break up with you/etc, either way you learn a lot about him. They do tend to pursue you more when you pull away, it just rolls that way with their nature. Being mysterious (ie, arms reach) causes curiousity (well - within reason, this is not a way to conduct a relationship ona regular basis, of course).
Author Sharon1961 Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Good luck. Pulling back will make them pursue. It is just their nature. I would just quietly do it and just not pick up the phone. That will give you at least a week or two before they catch on that there is a problem. Sadly, I think you're the most accurate answer here. When you really do just want some space that is when they pursue the most. Yes, it's their nature. Like your advice. Thanks!
Author Sharon1961 Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 You guys, thanks so much for the responses. Boogieboy, I always like your responses to questions. They're always so considerate and straightforward. J dub, I'm not familiar with your previous responses but think this was a good one. Really inisightful and made me see that the best I can really do is be true to myself because he's gonna do what he's gonna do. Thanks again guys!
Enema Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I don't have time to waste on someone who isn't on the same page as me. Space = goodbye.
Author Sharon1961 Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Wow, sorry to interject here. But it seems to make a guy want a woman more. Why is that???
J dub Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Wow, sorry to interject here. But it seems to make a guy want a woman more. Why is that??? the excitement of the chase! mystery is intriguing, humans are drawn to things we "cant" have, as it were. Men, especially though.
Boundary Problem Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Wow, sorry to interject here. But it seems to make a guy want a woman more. Why is that??? Because men are creatures of habit, and you not being around so much is something "new", so it triggers curiousity. They are very curious people.
Boundary Problem Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I don't have time to waste on someone who isn't on the same page as me. Space = goodbye. If there was someone else involved, or they actually were wanting to do a "soft breakup" I can see that attitude. But aren't we all living our own lives and from time to time we share our lives. Why would someone wanting space be a threat to my life or my relationship?
CaliGuy Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Do you generally understand or does it make you pursue more? I genuinely want some space for just a little while. Don't want a big dramatic thing. What's the best way to go about it? Space to me = it's over. And I give them all the space they could ever handle by moving on with my life -- without her
Enema Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Anyone else notice that every single man in this thread has said asking for space is a dealbreaker. And every single woman has said that men will pursue you more if you ask for space?
Ruby Slippers Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Man, sounds like a bunch of needy, clingy dudes in this thread. And it's 100% true -- if you do ask a guy for space or start concentrating more of your time in doing your own things without him, especially a guy who has been a little distant or aloof, suddenly he is ALL UP IN YOUR JUNK. Ah, humans.
Johnny M Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Good luck. Pulling back will make them pursue. It is just their nature. I would just quietly do it and just not pick up the phone. That will give you at least a week or two before they catch on that there is a problem. Instead of doing the typical cowardly thing that Boundary Problem is suggesting, just be starlight and tell him you're not interested. Not picking up the phone is about the lamest thing one can do.
thegreatmoose Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Instead of doing the typical cowardly thing that Boundary Problem is suggesting, just be starlight and tell him you're not interested. Not picking up the phone is about the lamest thing one can do. I agree with you on this one. She should tell him directly that things have moved too fast and she would like for it to slow down. The "needs space" thing and ignoring all his calls is using him. I'd say the exact same thing if the sexes were reversed.
carhill Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 Abandoned...... You asked how a guy 'felt' and I've experienced this, most recently in my marriage. Hope that helps...
Woggle Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 It's not about being needy or clingy. Why waste my time on a woman who does not want me around? It's completely pointless and I have better things to do with my time. I don't chase women and I never will.
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