i took several steps back - heart is broken again

[gaura]

when he and i broke up, i wrote a letter to his parents thanking them for everything they had done for me. i just received a letter back from his mom. my heart is absolutely broken. this has set me back so far. this letter makes the break up so real and final. i miss him so much right now. over the last week, i've made progress. i think i've done this by telling myself that there are many issues with him... that there is a valid reason that i've been so reluctant to move forward - his anger and temper, his inability to hold a job, his constant unhappiness with his career. now, i think i've been kidding myself though. regardless of all of these things, i don't even care at this point. i miss him. my heart hurts so bad. i don't want to feel like this anymore! i have been so good by not contacting him. i am on the verge of doing that though. i don't know how to get better. i've been trying so hard. please, if you have any suggestions, i am open to them.

 

this is what i received from his very nice mom:

 

it is with sadness, too, that i write back to you. i am having a very hard time finding the words to let you know how special you have become to us over the years. we have loved every visit - hiking, talking about education, and getting to know you better each time. we too had hopes for you and our son, and there is now a big hole in my heart.

 

i honestly hoped when i heard you had broken up that it was mutual. i felt if it was, you wouldn't hurt as much. i am so very sorry.

 

please know this is not all your fault. relationships are complicated, and ever since the two of you got back together there have been many work related stresses. you have been there for each other, and have made it through tough times. perhaps that's the part that makes this so hard - as you said. No - not perhaps - it is.

 

you are a lovely person - so bright, interesting and easy to be with. we all have times when were are not happy and negative. i wish he hadn't left you with those feelings about yourself. he saw the goodness, too.

 

thank you for all the love you have given to us all. you will always, always have a big place in our hearts.

 

with love to you

[LovelyDaze]

His mom is so very nice. That is also hard in breakups that sometimes there are other casualties like parents you got along great with, friends, etc.

 

NOW you must go to NC about the boyfriend. It's called a breakup for a reason...the relationship shattered and no amount of glue can fix it. It wouldn't be the same.

[DenverBachelor]

That was a nice letter. But you need to keep a few things in mind:

 

Life is a journey and not a destination. Life is constantly shifting, moving, ebbing and flowing. We find solace in the fact that, even though life constantly moves in wild directions, we have that special someone in our lives that serve as a rock in the stream.

 

But sadly, even the strongest rocks get eroded by the most violent of streams. Once we lose that fixture -- that rock, we find ourselves cast downstream again without anything to hold onto. We suddenly are caught up in life's tides again without some fixture or stability. Relationships are beautiful, but even the strongest ones die. What you need to realize is that, through the past, present and future that life will push you away from those rocks -- or those rocks will break loose. You have only yourself to count on to swim to another shore -- to another place of stability.

 

If you focus on yourself and realize that life is about the journey and not pre-planned destinations, you will become stronger.

 

Take solace in knowing that so many relationships eventually faulter -- up to 90% of them. We must focus our mindset on the journey and not the rocks. There will be breaks in the stream where you find stability -- but life is constantly pushing everyone in different directions.

 

You are everything that you experience and every moment is within you and once you realize that no point in time is any more special than another on an intrinsic level, you can rely on your own heart, memories and experiences to define who YOU are and your course and direction in life.

 

Even if a relationship fails, it doesn't mean it wasn't once a success for the both of you.

 

Keep strong.

[LovelyDaze]

That was a nice letter. But you need to keep a few things in mind:

 

Life is a journey and not a destination. Life is constantly shifting, moving, ebbing and flowing. We find solace in the fact that, even though life constantly moves in wild directions, we have that special someone in our lives that serve as a rock in the stream.

 

But sadly, even the strongest rocks get eroded by the most violent of streams. Once we lose that fixture -- that rock, we find ourselves cast downstream again without anything to hold onto. We suddenly are caught up in life's tides again without some fixture or stability. Relationships are beautiful, but even the strongest ones die. What you need to realize is that, through the past, present and future that life will push you away from those rocks -- or those rocks will break loose. You have only yourself to count on to swim to another shore -- to another place of stability.

 

If you focus on yourself and realize that life is about the journey and not pre-planned destinations, you will become stronger.

 

Take solace in knowing that so many relationships eventually faulter -- up to 90% of them. We must focus our mindset on the journey and not the rocks. There will be breaks in the stream where you find stability -- but life is constantly pushing everyone in different directions.

 

You are everything that you experience and every moment is within you and once you realize that no point in time is any more special than another on an intrinsic level, you can rely on your own heart, memories and experiences to define who YOU are and your course and direction in life.

 

Even if a relationship fails, it doesn't mean it wasn't once a success for the both of you.

 

Keep strong.

 

OMG. I LOVE DenverBachelor right now!

I am on the verge of tears myself. I forget that I thought other past breakups were the end of me being in love then Lo and behold....fell head over heels with some other guy and it continues to happen over the years. I just think the last one is THE LAST ONE. I know that it is not true and WE ALL will meet another love that we adore just as deeply and unfortunately may have yet another broken heart to.

 

DenverBachelor is also wildly correct in saying that the very,very best and loving couples go through major trouble. Trouble enough tthat one or both decide that it is not worth sticking around for. I'm venturing to guess that ANYONE over the age of 18 has had a broken heart before. It's a never ending journey to find someone you think you might be able to stay with for awhile. Sometimes and sadly it is an endless road of broken promises, lies, deception, and pain. It is a must to have the courage to keep moving forward and not letting ONE person bring the rest of our life down.

[Dark_of_the_Moon]

DenverBachelor, that was inspired. Very, very wise words. I have only had one love and one heartache thus far but, your post there is one I plan to save. I hope the OP takes strength from it as well.

 

Gaura, this is a hard time and I wish no one had to travel it, but this is normal what you are feeling now. I got better, I knew the issues with him....then there were days I forgot them and only felt the missing of him and the love I still have. Its called a rollar coaster for a reason. The ups and downs, but I can testify it does get easier the further from it you get. The good days get better and stronger. You will make it.