xerofate Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 So yeah. Here it goes. I met Jenn at college. She was a smart, adorable, funny girl who was a joy to be around. I was kind of in a relationship, so was she. Didn't really talk to her, but we were in the same group of friends. Anyways, my kind of relationship broke up. The next day, I see her wandering around campus, by herself. It was summer session, so there were not many people around, so I decided to talk to her. We talked for like 3 hours that first day, and I got her number. She had a boyfriend, but was clear she kinda thought it wasn't going anywheres. All good. We talked again that weekend. A lot. anytime I had a free minute, I rang her up. We relized we lived only a few miles from each other, both with our parents. So I went over to see her one time. And from there it grew. She left her boyfriend and we started dating. Now, I know I was not mister perfect. By far. I had a lot of issues. Hell, i still have issues. We fought. A lot. I wasn't good with her kids, but I thought I was. Her family didn't like me. All in all, I was NOT a good boyfriend. Or fiance. We got engaged quick, only 6 months after we started going out. I fall in love hard, and fast, what can I say? Overall, we took our relationship way to fast. To include getting engaged, moving in with each other, and having a baby, who is now 1 year, 6 months old. On april 30th, of 2009, she sat me down and we had a long talk about us. She wasn't happy, didn't beleave that I was in love with her. She was tired of being yelled at all the time, tired of cleaning the house all the time, tired of paying all the bills. I admit to everyone of those things. I was a lazy, no good bleep. I promised to change, and I tried really hard to do so. But it didn't work out, I guess. One day, after working a night shift, she woke up. I said "Hey baby, how are you? Do you want to sleep some more?" she said "no....." (she was sleeping on the couch). I said "Well, I'm glad you are awake, I missed you. Gotta get our daughter something, Love you much." And she said "I don't want to be with you any more." It was that night that I discovered that she was talking to not one, but two other guys behind my back. We had a long talk, and decided to try to work things out. One of the guys, who she seemed the most interested in, she wrote right off. Told him she didn't want to talk to him anymore, and even changed her phone number when he wouldn't leave her alone. The other guy, named Jeff, she said she was just friends. So we worked things out. We talked about it, really got down to the heart of the issues. Much of the same stuff, but this time she also said that she didn't know herself, and didn't want to be in any relationship, but she wanted to make us work. So we tried. and tried, and tried, and tried. Fora while, it seemed like it was going good. Then she would back off. Then she would be all good again. To make a long story short, we broke up in early october. For money reasons, we decided to finsih out the last month of our lease together, after which she would move back home, and I would stay in the house, so that if things worked out, she could move right back in. Things went really well. It was tough though. She would hang out with Jeff, who I assumed was the reason we broke up in the first place. She would reassure me endlessly "No, I'm not with jeff. I don't think of him that way. I don't love Jeff. I don't want to be with ANYONE right now, let alone a married man (he's recently seperated)." I mean, we would go out together, alone, on freaking dates! we would go out to eat. We sat on the couch and watched TV, sept in the same bed (albeit without sex, except for one time). All along, I asked her how things with us were going, and she would reply with things like "I'm not counting you out." "Lets just take this one day at a time." Well, things were going very well. WE have ablast toghether whenever we go out, we have fun together. We wrestle around. All along, the deadline for moving out is getting closer and closer (now dec 1st). It starts to get close,a nd she is procrastinating. She doesn't want to move out, she does anything she can to avoid it. She starts getting really stressed out, can't sleep, can't eat. Sick all the time. (when she gets stressed, she gets diareha. I tell her "we don't have to do this... what we got going on is good. We can take it one day at a time right here." Less then a week ago she says to me "Sure, we could get back togheter and try to work things out, but it wouldn't. It would end badly. I really like what we have going here, I don't want to ruin it. I have so much fun with you. We are just gonna take things one day at a time." So the day comes. The last night before the final day, we spend the night laying in bed together, with our fussy baby between us. In the morning, I tell her I couldn't think of a better way to spend our last night together. She says "me too." But she starts to get sick. I move a ton of stuff alone, but then my back goes out. Just killing me. So I tell her "hon, I gotta stop. I'm so beat. Let me just take you to your dad's, and I will finish this up tommorrow. She says "I don't want to go to my dads. I want to stay here." and I say honey, I got to take you to your dads. there's nothing here except this bed." and she says "can't we just stay here? I'm so sick and I don't want to move." and I say "but I gotta get set up at my parents house." She says "Can't you just stay here, with me?" I convince her that it is time to get going on this plan. That if we aren't going to get back together, that we should get her moved into her dads. She aggrees. I take her to her dads, where he invites me to stay for dinner. I decline. I head home, get stuff set up. I call her at 8pm and she's like "My dad called in for me, so I'm not going to work tommorrow. I told her I missed her, she said she missed me too. We hung up, and I went to bed. I slept in, and when I woke up I realize my phone was dead. So I searched through my stuff for a charger. Got it charged up, and low and behold, I got a text messgae. She took a turn for the worst, and ended up in the ED. I set up a babysitter for our daughter, and rush up to the hospital, burning all the gas and all the money I had in the process. I get there, and I get a text message from her dad. "Jeff's here." No problem. They are just friends. Next text message "Jenn asks that you not come in...." Bit late for that, I'm just at the door. I decide to ignore it, because I want to see her. Probably not the best choice. Jeff meets me in the hallway. "She has told you plenty of times that it is over. You need to get over it." "Don't make me call security on you." "she doesn't want to see you anymore." "You are killing her." "Go spend time with your daughter, you are going to miss her when she's gone." "She's important to me too, and she doesn't want to see you." The whole time he is shaking like I am a psycho about to go ballistic. Keep in mind, I've never hit ANYONE, let alone her. Well, anyone who didn't deserve it. (he did, and I didn't hit him.) So I start to leave. I see her father in the waiting room. He puts his arm around me and says "I think she was just scared of you making a scene because Jeff is here and what not." I'm dumbfounded meanwhile, cause who the hell is this douche to keep me out? He says: "I mean, they love each other a lot. And you'll always be part of the family, being bellas dad and all." They love each other a lot?!?!?!?! Last I heard, she didn't even want a relationshp, let alone one with him. NOw they love each other a lot? I know I wasn't perfect, but did I honestly deserve the TWO MONTHS of her leading me on, making me hopeful that we were going to be together, living with me, sleeping in the same bed, living as a ****ing family with her kids and our daughter? Did I deserve this? Am I really that horrible a person? They were going to leave her in the hospital alone. He loves her so much, but he doesn't know she is scared of being alone in the hospital. I had to tell her dad to make Jeff stay so she wasn't alone so she wouldn't be scared. The worst ****ing things is, she is the mother of my daughter, so no contact is not an option. We still have **** to move out of the old house, and now I get to deal with this. I don't know what I'm looking for. I'm so hurt, I feel so betrayed. I guess I just need a place to vent. Sorry it's so long. Thanks for reading, if anyone did.
Hannah86 Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 It sounds like she has asked you to stay, but you are hearing from Jeff and her father that you are unwelcome. It might be that her father likes Jeff more for her than you, but ultimately, the relationship is between you and your wife. You need to talk to her. Maybe some time apart will help both of you miss each other and come back stronger than ever.
norajane Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 She's been leading Jeff on, too. Jeff has no idea what she's been telling you and that she's been leading you on. Maybe she's just confused. Maybe she has no clue how to deal honestly with people. Either way, it's probably best to let her go her way. You will always be father to your child - she can't take that away from you. As for the rest, give yourself some time to clear your head. It's entirely likely you will feel very differently once the shock and immediate pain eases.
J dub Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I agree with Art Critic. Honestly, she may have just been trying to keep the peace with you until she moved out, by saying that this other guy was only a friend. She saw the "finish" line so-to-speak, in your relationship, so she was already planting the seeds for another one on the side. Either way, regardless of why (and that's the part that you will torment yourself with, is trying to understand WHY - and unfortunately, you may never know the truth regardless of how much you speculate), the point is that it's time to start the greiving process and move forward from this. Definitely a learning situation, you obviously learned from it if you can see your mistakes.
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