LovelyDaze Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 So now I am supposedly dating this new guy and we went out on a few dates. Friday, he told me he wants to go out with me again on Saturday and would call me while he was at work. It is now Sunday....no call. I am hurt and feel maniacal because I want to call or text SOOO bad. If I do, I always think "what if he doesn't respond?" Then, I'd beback to Square one. How can a person just hug and kiss you a thousand times telling you how much fun you're gonna have with him Saturday then NOT call you at all? I am sick to my stomach, this is like the 1,000th time my heart's been broken.
red_cloud Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Sorry, but how can your heart be broken if all you've done is just go on a few dates...It sucks when a potential partner turns out to be a royal jerk but you don't even know him that well which is why he is just a POTENTIAL..
HeavenOrHell Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 People change their minds all the time, I've learnt that after an 18 year relationship. Maybe I've become cynical but I don't believe people's promises anymore.
GrayClouds Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I am sick to my stomach, this is like the 1,000th time my heart's been broken. stay NC or that number will be 1001st.
dazzle22 Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 This always feels terrible to be in your shoes. In this day and age, you REALLY, really need to guard your heart. There are so many players out there - he may not be one, but he did break his word to you, and if he has any heart at all, he knows you must be wondering. As the other poster said, you don't know him AT ALL yet. He could be dating several women at once, you have no idea You need to look at dating in another perspective and flip it totally around. YOU are testing out the guys to see if THEY are worthy of YOU spending more time with THEM. Guys love to turn this, because then of course they have the upper hand. Remember, THE PERSON WHO CARES THE LEAST CONTROLS THE RELATIONSHIP! Now, this is VITAL!! DO NOT CALL OR TEXT OR ANYTHING. Look up Mimi Tanner on line. She has some great emails on "Calling Men". So, if and when he does call you, and he likely will, and he'll act very nonchalant about it I am sure, be friendly, and not punitive at all. Suggest, "Oh, yea, that's right, I was doing something else anyway. But, now I'm starting to wonder about you and whether your word means anything. I'm just not so sure about this. I'm going to need to re-evaluate this whole friendship" and possibly slow this down. " Trust me, a push like that will not hurt a guy if he really wants to be with you and it tells him you won't be taken for granted or walked on. YOU MUST CARE LESS. REMEMBER THE ADAGE. It is always great to use the phrase "I'm just not so sure about this" in many situations in life. It buys you time, and puts the other person in the role of having to play "convincer" while you can play "resister" and "doubter". Much stronger hand. Good luck, "love is not a game, but dating IS":)
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 You guys are right , I know. I thought I was ready to get back out there after my debacle of a breakup(Read prior posts for info on that crap). I guess I am still too weak and can't deal. I feel I will never have a good relationship with anyone again. I am growing jaded and unable to trust my mind or heart.
TheLoneSock Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 So now I am supposedly dating this new guy and we went out on a few dates. Friday, he told me he wants to go out with me again on Saturday and would call me while he was at work. It is now Sunday....no call. I am hurt and feel maniacal because I want to call or text SOOO bad. If I do, I always think "what if he doesn't respond?" Then, I'd beback to Square one. How can a person just hug and kiss you a thousand times telling you how much fun you're gonna have with him Saturday then NOT call you at all? I am sick to my stomach, this is like the 1,000th time my heart's been broken. So have you already texted or called him or something? If not, I don't really see what's stopping you from getting in touch with him. Who says he always has to be the one to intiate? Sure, he said he'd call and then didn't, but then again you haven't cared to call him either apparently. I have stopped dating girls on more than one occasion simply because they never initiated contact, and always left it to me. It was as if they weren't interested enough to bother - so I moved on to the next, less uptight girl, much to their dismay.
GrayClouds Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 (edited) You guys are right , I know. I thought I was ready to get back out there after my debacle of a breakup(Read prior posts for info on that crap). I guess I am still too weak and can't deal. I feel I will never have a good relationship with anyone again. I am growing jaded and unable to trust my mind or heart. As Gram'ma would say "If your looking for a good relationship you will never find one, but a good relationships will find you when your are not looking" So before you get out there, you got work to do. Get your life to the point you really are not needing any relationship other then yourself, Make that a good relationship and others will follow. Even if they dont, then you still get to hang with this great person who completely gets ya. Be kind to yourself Edited December 6, 2009 by GrayClouds
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 Absolute great points. Thank you so much dazzle22. His word is obviously not golden if he can't do something as simple as calling me when HE said he would. We never said WE would. He was going to. If I can't count on a guy for even a lousy, "Sorry, but I can't make it." then what ELSE would he do in a relationship or in his case "wouldn't" do.
LexiB Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Absolute great points. Thank you so much dazzle22. His word is obviously not golden if he can't do something as simple as calling me when HE said he would. We never said WE would. He was going to. If I can't count on a guy for even a lousy, "Sorry, but I can't make it." then what ELSE would he do in a relationship or in his case "wouldn't" do. Absolutely! Even though I do agree with what TheLoneSock said about girls needing to initiate contact, it doesnt apply here. If he told you he would call you to set up plans for this weekend, then he should have done that. It's on him. And he's an inconsiderate jerk for leaving you hanging. I know it hurts to have this happen so soon after a breakup but try not to take it too much to heart. It was new - this guy didn't earn your tears. Keep it moving.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 How much do I love you right now, LexiB? He IS too new to be getting upset over. Already in the past couple of weeks he has introduced to me that he can be seriously inconsiderate.
D-Lish Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I agree that getting in touch with him as lonesock suggests DOES NOT apply here. When someone makes plans and breaks them so flippantly without a call or second thought, you owe them nothing. Seriously, delete his number from your phone so you won't be tempted to contact him.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 I did. Hardest thing to do to since I just want to attach myself to a guy so quickly. I am learning that I just can't. I can't be in a relationship all by myself.
TheLoneSock Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I did. Hardest thing to do to since I just want to attach myself to a guy so quickly. I am learning that I just can't. I can't be in a relationship all by myself. If he made plans with you and then broke them without calling you, then yeah I would say forget about him. He is not going to be very hard to replace, I assure you. I'd advise finding yourself a guy that is clingy like yourself (not trying to call you names or anything, clingy people just click better with other clingy people), and there are quite a bit of clingy guys out there that would suit your needs nicely. I think a little bit of restraint would do you a lot of good, but you would also probably be happiest with a guy similar to yourself as far as emotional needs go. You'll find him.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 I know. But I don't want to be that clingy girl anymore. I even think it's a turn-off. I like my space and I expect someone else to like theirs too.I would love a perfect balance of me and a guy to hang out & have fun but also go hang out with our own family and friends whenever we feel like it.
dazzle22 Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Yea, this place is rough to be in, but there will be a nice guy for you! They are all over this board, have u noticed? Good guys having their hearts broken!! Just remember what I said. You need to set the pace, slow, and u need to "trust no one, believe nothing" until u have known him for months and he has shown he is a man of honor and a man of his word!
LexiB Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 How much do I love you right now, LexiB? He IS too new to be getting upset over. Already in the past couple of weeks he has introduced to me that he can be seriously inconsiderate. Glad to be of service The strength of the emotion you feel about this new guy is probably only caused by your feelings for your old/fairly recent relationship seeping into this one. You're going to be fine!
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 You guys made my day! Still didn't call the jerk and he hasn't called either. I will look at it like he has done me a favor beyond favors. I hope someday I will meet a great guy that will adore me and I for him. I know it can happen but I have to let go of my old way of thinking first...
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