im thinking about going up to see her

[McGrupp]

i know it is such a bad idea.

 

but i cant process this

 

i need her. i have nothing else.

 

tell me not to

[McGrupp]

dont know what i would even say.

 

****

[soheartbroken]

Don't do it. Then everything will become fresh again, and you will analyze everything. It's the last thing you need.

 

Just think McGupp: one day you will be in a better position to talk to her. Today is NOT that day. Write it down.

 

Have you been writing stuff down (aside from on LS?).

 

Sometimes we recommend this and it seems like you're not even listening.

[McGrupp]

i havent been writing. it will make her uncomfortable.

 

i know this. there is no good that will come of it.

 

but **** me i miss her. im weak i guess. she lives 1/2 hour away.

 

i want her back. i want that life i had with her back

[soheartbroken]

No no. Don't write it and give it to her. Write for yourself.

 

Write down what you would say. Trust me. The urge to go say it won't be as strong after you write it down.

 

We ALL want our exes back and our lives back. It's not up to us.

 

You're not weak. You've lost someone important and you're grieving. You're normal.

[XKatieX]

If you know there is no good that will come from it why do it? What are you expecting her to do?

 

More than likely she will just reject you again. I don't know I just know it will make you feel even worse..

 

Think twice..

[DenverBachelor]

Ok McGrupp, pull up a chair and sit down and relax and listen very closely to what I'm about to tell you. I'm not going to mince words on this one.

 

McGrupp, you have a co-dependency problem and you are using women to validate your life. You are putting women in a central theme to your happiness. This extreme need for co-dependency and validation is eating away at your soul. I am not a therapist, but I would suggest you make an appointment with one and find out the root issues at play here.

 

She is gone and you need to accept that. Let me say it one more time -- SHE IS *GONE* The relationship is over with and now you must move forward, learn from the mistakes on BOTH ends and take that knowledge to:

 

a) Work on your co-dependency issues and do some serious introspection for your next relationship.

 

b) Learn from her mistakes so you can avoid getting into relationships with similar women.

 

Nothing you can say, do, think, dream, etc. will change the reality of the situation. Is this a first love? Have you played the field at all? I seriously suggest you do some of the following:

 

1) Hit the gym. Nothing gets your spirits and energy up more than a hard sweat each day for a month.

 

2) Focus on your goals and dive into your hobbies.

 

3) Get some therapy (there is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist -- we're all ****ed up in some way) and explore some of your root problems. Specifically, why is it that you seek validation so badly from women?

 

4) Make sure your appearance, hygiene, grooming, etc. are in tact. You want to look polished when you do get back out there.

 

5) Increase your confidence. You don't have much confidence right now. Start saying hi each day to six women you pass on the street. Build up over time and start a quick conversation. Do not take rejection personally. If you get the rolling eyes or she ignores you, in your mind you need to think, "Hmmm, she must be having a bad day -- oh well, moving right along ..."

 

6) Don't project. Don't read into things. Don't fantasize about a woman. You've projected your insecurities, needs and desires onto a female and feel that she is the only person that can validate you and add structure and happiness to your life. If you need a woman to add structure and happiness to your life, you have issues you need to resolve first. Women should add happiness to your life, not become the soul source of it.

 

McGrupp, you've posted thread after thread and you are not moving forward. You need to pick up the phone Monday, make an appointment with a therapist and start transforming your life so that you are the central character in it and not someone else.

[McGrupp]

i see a therapist on monday..

 

but well... im sorry for spamming the board i guess

[HeavenOrHell]

Don't see her, you saw her before, what good did it do.

 

We can't always have what we want, lots of people here want their exes back, but for most of us it won't happen.

 

DB's post has excellent advice, please read it and use it.

 

 

i havent been writing. it will make her uncomfortable.

 

i know this. there is no good that will come of it.

 

but **** me i miss her. im weak i guess. she lives 1/2 hour away.

 

i want her back. i want that life i had with her back

[HeavenOrHell]

Be honest with him how you feel, you said before you weren't 100% honest with him.

 

 

 

i see a therapist on monday..

 

but well... im sorry for spamming the board i guess

[soheartbroken]

Don't feel sorry for spamming the board. The board would be dead without you today.

 

Just do realize that once you mention suicide so many times, people may start to take you less seriously. I'm sure you've read "The boy who cried wolf"...

 

Not that I don't take you seriously. I really believe that you're hurting so bad that you want the pain to stop. I really do get it.

[DenverBachelor]

McGrupp,

 

Let me also say that I really feel your pain. I do. I loved my ex for seven years and lived with her for a year. She came home to me every night or vice-versa. We had a dog together. We knew every little quirk about each other. When you lose that, it ****ing hurts. God, does it hurt. It stings.

 

But you have to remember one critical thing -- you did not choose to end it, she did. That's when you have to let go, learn and move on.

 

Make no mistakes about it. Loving someone and sharing your life with them and having them leave -- IS THE ABSOLUTE HARDEST THING YOU WILL EVER EXPERIENCE IN LIFE. It's also going to be one of the BIGGEST LEARNING EXPERIENCES IN YOUR LIFE.

 

How we live our lives is always more important than the destinations.

[northstar1]

Ok McGrupp, pull up a chair and sit down and relax and listen very closely to what I'm about to tell you. I'm not going to mince words on this one.

 

McGrupp, you have a co-dependency problem and you are using women to validate your life. You are putting women in a central theme to your happiness. This extreme need for co-dependency and validation is eating away at your soul. I am not a therapist, but I would suggest you make an appointment with one and find out the root issues at play here.

 

She is gone and you need to accept that. Let me say it one more time -- SHE IS *GONE* The relationship is over with and now you must move forward, learn from the mistakes on BOTH ends and take that knowledge to:

 

a) Work on your co-dependency issues and do some serious introspection for your next relationship.

 

b) Learn from her mistakes so you can avoid getting into relationships with similar women.

 

Nothing you can say, do, think, dream, etc. will change the reality of the situation. Is this a first love? Have you played the field at all? I seriously suggest you do some of the following:

 

1) Hit the gym. Nothing gets your spirits and energy up more than a hard sweat each day for a month.

 

2) Focus on your goals and dive into your hobbies.

 

3) Get some therapy (there is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist -- we're all ****ed up in some way) and explore some of your root problems. Specifically, why is it that you seek validation so badly from women?

 

4) Make sure your appearance, hygiene, grooming, etc. are in tact. You want to look polished when you do get back out there.

 

5) Increase your confidence. You don't have much confidence right now. Start saying hi each day to six women you pass on the street. Build up over time and start a quick conversation. Do not take rejection personally. If you get the rolling eyes or she ignores you, in your mind you need to think, "Hmmm, she must be having a bad day -- oh well, moving right along ..."

 

6) Don't project. Don't read into things. Don't fantasize about a woman. You've projected your insecurities, needs and desires onto a female and feel that she is the only person that can validate you and add structure and happiness to your life. If you need a woman to add structure and happiness to your life, you have issues you need to resolve first. Women should add happiness to your life, not become the soul source of it.

 

McGrupp, you've posted thread after thread and you are not moving forward. You need to pick up the phone Monday, make an appointment with a therapist and start transforming your life so that you are the central character in it and not someone else.

 

Solid advice.

[red_cloud]

Don't do it. Like I just said in another thread - a loose cannon is never attractive.

[McGrupp]

i dont know if im loose

 

anyone see this movie "funny people"?

 

i feel like im going to be adam sandler...

[LovelyDaze]

Hey McGrupp. Please don't.

You may or may not remember me but I have the ex that left me for someone that lives out of state and now they are engaged. I rebounded and that too was an epic fail.

 

I am like you...who do i want? My ex...just like you. It hurts everyday and I wonder why the hell does life feel like i HAVE to go through it with a broken heart. I don't know about you, but what keeps me at NC with mine is the fact that my ex is a walking Red Flag.

 

Let's see: He left me out of the blue for someone he met only 3 weeks prior

He tried to get back together for sex only a week after that

He is engaged to her now.

He has admitted on a blog that he really doesn't want to marry.

Just last week, he sent a single pink rose to my job. Why? I don't know. He just likes torturing me, I guess.

 

Add up all the reasons why you SHOULDN'T. Also, think of the worst case scenario possible such as your ex laughing in your face or telling you to f*ck off and leave her property.

 

Or even worse, they DO get back together with you out of some kind of nostalgic moment in their mind and THEN dump you again. You know it happens to people. 100% uncool.

[DenverBachelor]

Just last week, he sent a single pink rose to my job. Why? I don't know. He just likes torturing me, I guess.

 

Pink symbolized friendship turned to love. Not white, not red -- but the intermediate stage. I'd say he's a ****ing lunatic.

 

DB

[Ms. Joolie]

Well then go see her. What, are you scared??

 

If you do see her, tell her you want her back. Tell her you miss the life you had together and that you want her back.

 

Do it. Face it. I dare you.

[McGrupp]

just scared of giving more of my dignity away.

 

basically im a giant pussy. LOL

[McGrupp]

i just want to talk to her without being crazy. i think i can do it.

 

i think.

[DenverBachelor]

i just want to talk to her without being crazy. i think i can do it.

 

i think.

 

Didn't my train wreck from last week teach you ANYTHING?

[McGrupp]

yeah that im still ****ing crazy, and obsessed and pushing her away

[Angel1111]

i see a therapist on monday..

 

but well... im sorry for spamming the board i guess

 

That statement alone is very self-pitying. Go back and read what DenverBachelor wrote - and actually read it this time. There was absolutely nothing in there about anyone having a problem with you posting. You can post until you puke. We don't mind (just don't puke on us - LOL). But people are also going to be somewhat brutally honest with you, also, because you need to hear it and because you actually want to hear it. If you didn't, you wouldn't be here. What Denver said was dead on. Someday you're going to see the wisdom in his words.

[Angel1111]

i just want to talk to her without being crazy. i think i can do it.

 

i think.

 

Then do it. Maybe that will be the only way you'll accept things as they are.

[GrayClouds]

yeah that im still ****ing crazy, and obsessed and pushing her away

 

you cant push what is gone