LonelyGuy85 Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I am in mid twenties. I graduated university a few years ago and since then I have moved from one poor job to the next. The job I am currently is involves a lot of talking on the phone, which, although boring, actually makes time fly by me. When I started in my new job role I met a girl in work who is in a similar situation to me; she’s a graduate and is looking for a better job, but although this is what made me start talking to her, I realised after only knowing her a short time that there was a lot more to her that I really liked. Eventually I started getting feelings for her, but I haven’t actually tried anything on with her, mainly due to the fact that she is two years older than me and she once expressed how she would never go out with anyone younger than herself, so although I like her more than a friend, I also know that it’s very unlikely to happen. Although this crushed me, it also has made me ‘wake up’ to life. I have suddenly gotten a new perspective. I realised all the opportunities I have missed out on because of my shyness. I started exercising regularly, including swimming about 5 times a week; I have also been looking into scuba diving, rock climber and learning the guitar. I have started to realise that there is so much more to my desires than these areas, but I have yet to put my finger on it. It’s incredibly frustrating to feel like I am revving to go but I have yet to assign where exactly that is. I have been looking at loads of different areas to find that next point. It always comes down to travelling though, but for the first time in ages I actually have a secure job and my own place, so the idea of packing it all up and going for it isn’t as simple as that. I also find that the idea of not seeing this girl for ages actually makes me feel a little sick. It’s almost as if she has become my muse, not in an obsessive way, but as an inspiration for me to better myself. It’s really hard to explain without sounding like I am obsessed with her, because I am not, it’s just that she has made me more aware of what I have been missing out on, and if I am honest, she is the first person who has really made me feel like this. Does this sound like a quarter-life crisis? What can I do to find out what I am suppose to be doing? Why has this suddenly come on now, why not when I was 16/18 and when my life really needed that escapism?
Ronni_W Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 LG, does it make any REAL difference if you call it a "quarter-life crisis" or if you don't try to label it at all? You mentioned a number of things that you've "looked into" -- to find out what you want to be doing, you're actually going to have to go ahead and SIGN UP for one thing. You can do it alphabetically or pick it out of a hat. The important thing is to start with one thing. And create a budge that has a huge portion earmarked for 'future travel', so you won't have to worry about the financial side of things when you're ready to start exploring the planet. For now, just go learn to play the guitar. Or do some rock climbing. Or scuba diving. Pick one of those and 'just do it'. There's no need to over-complicate things.
Author LonelyGuy85 Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 I suppose i don't really need to label it, but it's so much easier to identify when it is. My biggest problem is that i just find it hard to put things into motion. I have all these ideas and plans but that's all they are. Ideas and plans. Not much actually comes to fruition. Although i started doing something a few months back and have actually stuck at it. I still need to find something to do. I need to find my reason and my cause.
Ronni_W Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 I suppose i don't really need to label it, but it's so much easier to identify when it is. Well, sure. If you prefer to have a label, then call it a 'quarter life crisis'; or even just a 'life crisis'...because it is also that, isn't it? 'Crisis of purpose and meaning' is another term I've heard that also seems to apply...maybe? It is difficult-to-impossible to self-motivate enough to get moving when we really don't have a clue as to wtf direction we want to take, and it can be frustration and kinda depressing, too. StevePavlina.com might be interesting for you, in general. And under the 'Best of' menu there is an article, "How to discover your life purpose in about 20 minutes." This page has "15 questions to discover your personal mission": thinksimplenow.com/happiness/life-on-purpose-15-questions-to-discover-your-personal-mission/ You could also check TheOneQuestion.com; or try answering "the miracle question" that is posed on this page (below the 'Contents' box): en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solution_focused_brief_therapy Don't really know if this is the type of info/resources you'd find helpful. In any case, I do wish you best of luck.
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