9Lives Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 For some reason I just cant seem to get myself off the coach and get on with life. Im my own boss so i dont have anything making me do anything. I want to work out. I want to start getting on with whatever but my motivation is soooooo low. I just dont know what to do. how can I start? my ex is not coming back and if he did what good would it do?
soheartbroken Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 How long has this been for? Why not volunteer then? That way you have to get up and get out.
Author 9Lives Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 well we have been off and on for a while but we stop talking for good last month around the 3rd or so. Its just hard
soheartbroken Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I meant the lack of desire to get off the couch. So you've been NC for around a month then? I would say completely normal to not want to get off the couch. When my ex and I broke up mid-July, I was also working from home. I basically gave up working and sat/slept on the couch until September, when the job ended and I moved cities. Start very small. I made a to-do list every day (if you're on your computer a lot there is a program called stickies...like having post-it notes but virtual). The things on the list were very basic: Do laundry. Go to library. Make doctor's appointment. Get groceries. Look for a divorce class. Look up hockey leagues... I literally wrote down every small thing (making phone calls, responding to emails, doing internet searches), and checked it off. Gives you a sense of accomplishment. I still use the lists. I've always found it hard to get motivated, even when I was with my ex. I'm kind of lazy I guess. Haven't gotten off the couch today yet! If I don't get something done on the list I move it to a new list. And I leave up lists where I accomplished a lot in a day so that I can feel good about it.
tinktronik Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Hi 9 lives. Your thread title made me laugh. A coach is a horse drawn carriage or a designer label. I read it as stuck on a horse drawn carriage or addicted to buying the label brand. Either way it was funny. Sorry. But as for real advice as to being stuck on the couch, I would suggest small strides to get you back into pace and off the couch. I understand your "break" is fairly fresh also and it is understandable that you are grieving. Why not call up some friends to do lunch or just have some buddy time?
Author 9Lives Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 I meant the lack of desire to get off the couch. So you've been NC for around a month then? I would say completely normal to not want to get off the couch. When my ex and I broke up mid-July, I was also working from home. I basically gave up working and sat/slept on the couch until September, when the job ended and I moved cities. Start very small. I made a to-do list every day (if you're on your computer a lot there is a program called stickies...like having post-it notes but virtual). The things on the list were very basic: Do laundry. Go to library. Make doctor's appointment. Get groceries. Look for a divorce class. Look up hockey leagues... I literally wrote down every small thing (making phone calls, responding to emails, doing internet searches), and checked it off. Gives you a sense of accomplishment. I still use the lists. I've always found it hard to get motivated, even when I was with my ex. I'm kind of lazy I guess. Haven't gotten off the couch today yet! If I don't get something done on the list I move it to a new list. And I leave up lists where I accomplished a lot in a day so that I can feel good about it. thank you thank you thank you. Maybe this will help me start moving around. I got up and made breakfast and I am back here again...doing nothing....this is weird
Author 9Lives Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 Hi 9 lives. Your thread title made me laugh. A coach is a horse drawn carriage or a designer label. I read it as stuck on a horse drawn carriage or addicted to buying the label brand. Either way it was funny. Sorry. But as for real advice as to being stuck on the couch, I would suggest small strides to get you back into pace and off the couch. I understand your "break" is fairly fresh also and it is understandable that you are grieving. Why not call up some friends to do lunch or just have some buddy time? LOL...that is hilarious...Yeah I do have a Coach...but your right! I meant the couch. You must be analylical...lol. okay so just add things to my day little by little. I will start there. Friends are overwhelming right now. They are striving with every day life and I just trying to keep my head up and feel normal again.
boogieboy Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 9lives Ive been there. Dont worry, it will take a while, but one day you will wake up and say "why am I sitting here? I gotta go live life". You can make the lists and do little things in the meantime, or you can do like me and fill your netflix until you cant take sitting on the couch anymore.
soheartbroken Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Friends are overwhelming right now. They are striving with every day life and I just trying to keep my head up and feel normal again. Yes, friends were overwhelming for me too. And they still are to a certain extent, mostly because I have nothing to talk about besides the break-up, and because they really don't understand how much it still hurts. But anyway, even if you only put a couple things on your list at first that's okay. You can even start as simply as: make breakfast, shower, call mom back. And that can be it! Sometimes, like today, I don't really have much on my list at all. Laundry and shower.
Author 9Lives Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 Yes, friends were overwhelming for me too. And they still are to a certain extent, mostly because I have nothing to talk about besides the break-up, and because they really don't understand how much it still hurts. But anyway, even if you only put a couple things on your list at first that's okay. You can even start as simply as: make breakfast, shower, call mom back. And that can be it! Sometimes, like today, I don't really have much on my list at all. Laundry and shower. I love it. Getting ready get started. I think I am going to make my list and add a reward to it for completing the task for 30 days
soheartbroken Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Awesome idea. Keep us posted. Just remember that it won't solve all your problems. You still have to do grief work. Eventually start putting things on the list that will help you out in your recovery, like taking a class (e.g. anger management, meditation, separation & divorce, grief, anxiety...whatever plagued you and the relationship) finding a place to volunteer, finding a therapist if you can afford it and you haven't already. Try meetup.com at some point. Just surf around for a group that might interest you. Anyway, these are all things to think about in a little while. Don't stress over it now. Good luck!
Author 9Lives Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 Awesome idea. Keep us posted. Just remember that it won't solve all your problems. You still have to do grief work. Eventually start putting things on the list that will help you out in your recovery, like taking a class (e.g. anger management, meditation, separation & divorce, grief, anxiety...whatever plagued you and the relationship) finding a place to volunteer, finding a therapist if you can afford it and you haven't already. Try meetup.com at some point. Just surf around for a group that might interest you. Anyway, these are all things to think about in a little while. Don't stress over it now. Good luck! already struggling....okay let me try again
soheartbroken Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 What's the struggle? Did I overwhelm you with ideas? Like I said, don't worry about some of the big things now, just do small things each day.
Author 9Lives Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 What's the struggle? Did I overwhelm you with ideas? Like I said, don't worry about some of the big things now, just do small things each day. No you are fine. Exactly what the love doctor ordered. I made my list. Now I am going to get ready to go to the gym. Im gonna follow it. Thank you again.
DenverBachelor Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 You can't get off the coach because you're beating a dead horse. (I'm here all night)
GrayClouds Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Do not be so hard on yourself, it may be a great couch!
Author 9Lives Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 You can't get off the coach because you're beating a dead horse. (I'm here all night) Im not trying to get him back.
CaliGuy Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 For some reason I just cant seem to get myself off the coach and get on with life. Im my own boss so i dont have anything making me do anything. I want to work out. I want to start getting on with whatever but my motivation is soooooo low. I just dont know what to do. how can I start? my ex is not coming back and if he did what good would it do? Understand this. No one, but NO ONE is going to pick you up off your butt and kick you in gear -- but YOU. You'll do the things you want to do when you're tired of feeling sorry for yourself. Because honestly, that's the only thing holding you back. You.
deux ex machina Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 You'll get sick of fighting against something when you find something to fight for.
Odyssey Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 We all have those times and there is nothing wrong with having a bad day, but if you’re in that mood constantly there might a problem. Sometimes you have to just force yourself! As suggested, making a list of things to do (goals) will keep you focus. When your goals are completed, start on new goals. Make it your routine to start on new goals regularly. You’ll find that once you accomplish your first goal, it will drive you to succeed in further goals, again and again. Involve others to help you. Even if it's just to be an encouraging friendly ear when you feel yourself grinding to a halt. Or you could post updates on LS, i'm sure you'll find people here to kick ya ass into gear Now get to it...
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