JamesM Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 First off, if your username is your real name, then you will be known now unless you do not care. This is not a common name. You may want to ask the LS Mods to change your username for you. This can be done if you contact them. Second, if the MM does not know you are pregnant, then he should know. It is his baby, too. Third, what is your connection to him? Fourth, is there any hope of being with him in the future? Fifth, are you married to someone else? My suggestion is to do nothing rash. Emotions are flying high right now, so any decision one way or another may be regretted later. NOTE...All comments were made under the assumption that this is a real story and factual in content.
angie2443 Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 there are lifelong repercussions. Depression and anger are two of the most common. OP, you've got a lot to think about, but promise us this before you take action: Consider all alternatives fully before you decide. Because whatever you do impacts your future well-being. hugs to you, kiddo! Honestly, I have not read the whole thread. I would never advise anyone to have or not have an abortion. It is to personal of a choice. I just wanted to respond to the above. Many people choose abortion and do not have lifelong repercussions. The last time I've read, most people move on and are emotionally healthy after making the choice.
angie2443 Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 . My MM and I take the risk every month. We’ve never used protection and recently no restraint when it’s “safe”. Every time and month I think “what the hell am I thinking/doing?” MM and I have never discussed the “what ifs”. I have absolutely no doubt that he would want me to get an abortion. And I know I would have no choice but to. I could never raise a child alone or by a MM man. I couldn’t even ever let anyone know I was pregnant. But then I could have never seen myself having an abortion either (not that I’m against it, everyone should make their own choice). I just know I’d be tormented over the fact that I aborted my own innocent baby. I’m so scared how it would affect me emotionally/mentally. If I was in your position I would be an absolutely wreck. I’m on ends right now just responding. I really wish I or someone could help you… . Is your guy the over 50 year old? You might want to consider that his sperm quality has gone down and the chances of you producing an unhealthy child are increased. I know many parents who have kept and loved their special needs children. Their children are wonderful people. What I'd be concerned about, is, would you and MM want or be able to take care of a special needs child? There is a lot of work involved. Your stress level will increase tremendously. Do you feel you are both responsible enough to give a child the secure, happy home the child deserves?
JamesM Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I would never advise anyone to have or not have an abortion. It is to personal of a choice. I just wanted to respond to the above. Many people choose abortion and do not have lifelong repercussions. The last time I've read, most people move on and are emotionally healthy after making the choice. I don't think this post said yes or no. It did say that it is a serious decision. It is a personal choice but since the OP posted here, then she is open for advice. Many people have abortions and do have lifelong repercussion. It goes both ways. The point is...this thread is about more than just an abortion. (And it certainly is not meant to be a pro-life, pro-choice thread). It is about...the baby, the father, and the mother. All need to be considered when giving advice to Jackie. Personally, I think you (Jackie) should confide in someone regarding your situation in real life. Good or bad, this MM does need to know. Getting an abortion (yes, I will give advice both ways) and hoping that everything disappears may not be the answer. Yet having the baby without considering all of what that may involve is not necessarily what should be done. Seek counseling.
Angel1111 Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Good or bad, this MM does need to know. Getting an abortion (yes, I will give advice both ways) and hoping that everything disappears may not be the answer. Yet having the baby without considering all of what that may involve is not necessarily what should be done. Seek counseling. I have to say that I totally disagree - the MM does not need to know. This is one of the perks of being a female - nature put it in our court to keep it, not keep it, tell, or not tell. If a man is willing to sleep around outside of marriage, then that's his choice, but he needs to be prepared for the consequences. And one of those consequences may include having a child that he doesn't know about. I don't think he has the need or right to know. I know that men like to chime in on the abortion issue and father's rights and all that but really, the bottom, bottom line is, it's the female's choice - plain and simple. It's our bodies, we're the ones who's lives are impacted the most by a pregnancy, and we're the ultimate choosers. That may sound harsh or one-sided but I guarantee you that if men were faced with this issue, things would be very different.
norajane Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 She's already told him. And she doesn't know what he is thinking about doing about the baby because he hasn't spoken to her in over 2 months, even though she has tried to talk with him. So she thought she'd give him time to think about it and would maybe come around to the idea of being baby daddy. But, apparently, he has not. I'm translating from this: I really dont know what he is thinkin bout doin i haven talk to him in ova 2mths i've tryed to talk but he wont so i just left him alone an figure i would give him time to cum around!
Angel1111 Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 She's already told him. And she doesn't know what he is thinking about doing about the baby because he hasn't spoken to her in over 2 months, even though she has tried to talk with him. So she thought she'd give him time to think about it and would maybe come around to the idea of being baby daddy. But, apparently, he has not. I'm translating from this: I'm not sure she meant that she talked to him about the baby. My interpretation of that was that the affair ended and she was just trying to talk to him about the break-up. I could be wrong though.
Dhanna Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 Here is the thing about abortion.... it is an emotional thing to go through - but in some cases it is the right thing to do. If you bring this baby into the world, you start the child off with no father and a feeling of shame born into him or her as being the result of an affiar. It is not fair to bring a baby into a difficult world with so much baggage. You will be passing the karma of your affiar onto this innocent child. The world is hard enough to navigate without excess AVOIDABLE baggage from parents. You need to think very hard about a good (altruistic) reason to go through with this pregnancy. This baby will not make the father divorce his wife. It will not make you a happy home with a functional family. In fact, this baby will live his or her life as a reminder of poor choices you and his father made that cause so much suffering. Abortion is not a "sin" - chosing to bring a child into a dark and damning situation is. This is YOUR mistake. Don't make another innocent life suffer because of YOUR mistake. I don't mean to sound so harsh. There are too many people on this planet and too many people being thoughtless about procreation. We need to do better by our children - and in some cases that means chosing not to create a life that will have unnecessary suffering in it. Consider this a wake-up call. Break up with this man, have an abortion and seek counseling. Figure out why you are attracted to a man who is unavailable. Figure out why you chose to have unprotected sex with a married man. Figure out what it is about your self perception that makes you think you only deserve love if it is a secret or shameful. YOu deserve better. Your future children deserve better. good luck.
Angel1111 Posted December 10, 2009 Posted December 10, 2009 If you bring this baby into the world, you start the child off with no father and a feeling of shame born into him or her as being the result of an affiar. Abortion is not a "sin" - chosing to bring a child into a dark and damning situation is. I agree with a lot of what you say, however, a child wouldn't feel shame about his/her life as long as his/her mother didn't make him feel that way. As far as whether abortion is or isn't a sin, that seems to be subject to opinion. I don't concern myself with the 'sin' aspect of it, I just know that it would screw me up to have one. However, that's not to say that other people shouldn't make their own choices for their own reasons. As you said, it's emotional. Anyway, I don't think the OP is here anymore - she hasn't commented in quite awhile.
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