jackiepeurifoy2010 Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 :confused:Im pregnant by a married man what should i do!
curiousnycgirl Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 The question is what do you want to do?
TheLoneSock Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 That sucks. Participated in an affair, and didn't use birth control either. Double fail.
outofthedark Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Read my story, this doesn't turn out well. Don't get an abortion, good grief I cant believe someone said that to you. Explore adoption first if You dont want the baby. I feel for you, I really do. My thoughts are with you
outofthedark Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 The betrayed spouses on here are going to bash the heck out of you. You should move to the ow/om forum, after all that is what you are and you will get more support there.
Angel1111 Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 (edited) I totally disagree with the advice about getting an abortion. That's a really traumatic thing to get past. I had a friend who did that once and she was totally sorry she did it. A lot of what you should do depends on your circumtances. If you think MM is thinking about leaving his wife, then let him know. If not and if telling him would be a mistake, then maybe you can just move away, have the baby and start your life over. We don't really know enough about your circumstances to be able to give you specific advice - like your age, if you live close to your family, how long have you been with MM, do the two of you work together, etc. Edited December 6, 2009 by Angel1111
theBrokenMuse Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 First of all, completely disregard the advice of any and all individuals who wish to use your post as a soapbox in which to push their pro or anti abortion agenda. It's no one's business but yours and is up to you to decide what avenues you are personally comfortable with. Do not allow anyone to guilt you into making any choice you are not comfortable with or else you will regret it. You have to decide if you want to go ahead and raise a child that may not have a father figure around to help you rear the baby. If you don't you then have to decide based on what is best for YOU how to proceed from there.
Author jackiepeurifoy2010 Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 I totally disagree with the advice about getting an abortion. That's a really traumatic thing to get past. I had a friend who did that once and she was totally sorry she did it. A lot of what you should do depends on your circumtances. If you think MM is thinking about leaving his wife, then let him know. If not and if telling him would be a mistake, then maybe you can just move away, have the baby and start your life over. We don't really know enough about your circumstances to be able to give you specific advice - like your age, if you live close to your family, how long have you been with MM, do the two of you work together, etc. I really dont know what he is thinkin bout doin i haven talk to him in ova 2mths i've tryed to talk but he wont so i just left him alone an figure i would give him time to cum around! Almost two years we wuz dealing no we dont work together! I wuz on birth control and took it everyday like i should!
You Go Girl Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 What wuz you dealing with a married man for? Ever heard the saying--You reap what you sew? Geesh. Use real English.
ADF Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I totally disagree with the advice about getting an abortion. That's a really traumatic thing to get past. I had a friend who did that once and she was totally sorry she did it. A lot of what you should do depends on your circumtances. If you think MM is thinking about leaving his wife, then let him know. If not and if telling him would be a mistake, then maybe you can just move away, have the baby and start your life over. We don't really know enough about your circumstances to be able to give you specific advice - like your age, if you live close to your family, how long have you been with MM, do the two of you work together, etc. I'll tell you what, raising the child of a married man to adulthood will be a heck of a lot more traumtic than having an abortion! What is wrong with people? I think the anti-choice crowd has guilt-tripped people to the point where some of them cannot even think straight. Do NOT let a bunch of self-rightious, Jesus-shouting hypocrits convince you to surrender control of your body or your life. And BTW, if this MM is like most MM, he will NEVER leave his wife. Good luck.
Angel1111 Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I'll tell you what, raising the child of a married man to adulthood will be a heck of a lot more traumtic than having an abortion! What is wrong with people? I think the anti-choice crowd has guilt-tripped people to the point where some of them cannot even think straight. Do NOT let a bunch of self-rightious, Jesus-shouting hypocrits convince you to surrender control of your body or your life. And BTW, if this MM is like most MM, he will NEVER leave his wife. Good luck. I didn't mean to come across as an anti-abortionist because I absolutely believe that's it's a woman's right to do that. But I stated my opinion too emphatically and didn't elaborate. I believe that abortion should be thought about seriously before doing it. What I should've said is that it's not the cake walk that people make it sound like - it can be very traumatic for the woman. But, yes, circumstances definitely play a big role and although I'm not saying I would never have an abortion, the circumstances would have to be very extreme before I would do that. I was thinking about my xMM - if I had gotten pregnant with his child, I would've cherished it because I loved him. I probably wouldn't have even told him about it, I would've just disappeared because I wouldn't have wanted the complications that would've followed. Sorry, about how I stated what I said and thanks for pointing it out.
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 More than likely you will be raising this child alone. If you want to keep the baby because you think you will keep MM, then you may want to consider your option in terms of aborting or adopting out. If you want to keep the baby because you are capable of raising a child in an emotionally healthy single parent home then you can consider those options as well. Bottom line: this baby is not your bridge to MM, and the less you see it that way, the better.
JackJack Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I don't know if you have any other threads going on what your whole situation is, but I thought I'd ask this question....did you know he was married, or did you recently find this out? Yes, there have been people involved with other people who did NOT know the other person was married. I really do not know what to tell you to do in this situation. What do you feel you want to do?
norajane Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 If you can't raise the child as a single mother for the next 18 years, then consider your other options. Consider whether you are emotionally, financially, and practically (child care if you have a job, a home suitable for a child where the schools are decent, the desire to be a mother and devote the next 18 years of your life raising a kid, etc.) prepared to be a single mother. MM is not going to suddenly leave his wife for you - if he wanted to do that, he'd have done so at some point in the past 2 years. You haven't heard from him in 2 months - he's not leaving his wife, and this baby won't make him do so.
skylarblue Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I’m sorry, but my first, immediate, and out loud response was “oh my god! Get an abortion quick!” Just reading I’m pregnant by a married man what should I do has me all nervous inside. My MM and I take the risk every month. We’ve never used protection and recently no restraint when it’s “safe”. Every time and month I think “what the hell am I thinking/doing?” MM and I have never discussed the “what ifs”. I have absolutely no doubt that he would want me to get an abortion. And I know I would have no choice but to. I could never raise a child alone or by a MM man. I couldn’t even ever let anyone know I was pregnant. But then I could have never seen myself having an abortion either (not that I’m against it, everyone should make their own choice). I just know I’d be tormented over the fact that I aborted my own innocent baby. I’m so scared how it would affect me emotionally/mentally. If I was in your position I would be an absolutely wreck. I’m on ends right now just responding. I really wish I or someone could help you… Originally Posted by Jackiepeurifoy I really dont know what he is thinkin bout doin i haven talk to him in ova 2mths i've tryed to talk but he wont so i just left him alone. I don’t how far along you are, but you need to decide if want to have an abortion or not. One thing I’m not for is (non-emergency) “late-term” abortion.
norajane Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 My MM and I take the risk every month. We’ve never used protection and recently no restraint when it’s “safe”. Every time and month I think “what the hell am I thinking/doing?” MM and I have never discussed the “what ifs”. I have absolutely no doubt that he would want me to get an abortion. And I know I would have no choice but to. I could never raise a child alone or by a MM man. I couldn’t even ever let anyone know I was pregnant. But then I could have never seen myself having an abortion either (not that I’m against it, everyone should make their own choice). I just know I’d be tormented over the fact that I aborted my own innocent baby. I’m so scared how it would affect me emotionally/mentally. If I was in your position I would be an absolutely wreck. Why on earth would you voluntarily take that risk?
eeyore1981 Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 What wuz you dealing with a married man for? Ever heard the saying--You reap what you sew? Geesh. Use real English. LOL, if you are going to be the English police, you should know it is 'reap what you sow.' Sew would be something done with a needle and thread. To threadstarter: This is one of the perils of being involved with a married man. Does he have children by his wife? If you are planning on keeping your child, and can't take care of it without public assistance, then you will probably be required to give the father's info. If and when the father gets hit up for child support, his wife is more than likely going to find out about what's been going on behind her back, and is probably going to be a lot less than pleased. You say you haven't spoken to him in over 2 months, and he won't take your calls. This sounds like you are yesterday's news to him. This may lead to him being very resentful towards you, and possibly this child you have made together. Doesn't really seem fair, does it, but a lot of times people in the wrong don't like to take responsibility for the wrong they do, so prepare yourself. Another possibility is the father will jump for joy over the news and this will all have a happy ending for the three of you, but going by your posts, that seems unlikely. So... My advice is for you to do whatever it takes to get in touch with the father, and the two of you try to figure out what is in the best interests of this child, along with whatever other children this man might have. There's really not much else you can do at this point. I would also suggest raising your standards a little bit in the future about the men you choose to have sex with, and save yourself, as well as the innocent bystanders, a world of hurt.
Angel1111 Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 LOL, if you are going to be the English police, you should know it is 'reap what you sow.' Sew would be something done with a needle and thread. She meant that as tongue-in-cheek.
skylarblue Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Originally Posted by norajane Why on earth would you voluntarily take that risk? Honestly…Rationally, I have no idea. It makes no sense. My life would be a nightmare. Realistically, I think it’s because it makes me feel as “special” and more “important” than his W (yes I know this is not the case in reality).
norajane Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 (edited) Originally Posted by norajane Why on earth would you voluntarily take that risk? Honestly…Rationally, I have no idea. It makes no sense. My life would be a nightmare. Realistically, I think it’s because it makes me feel as “special” and more “important” than his W (yes I know this is not the case in reality). Wow. Get yourself on some birth control. A (false) ego boost is a terrible reason to put yourself at risk of an unwanted pregnancy that will f*ck-up your life in every way. YOU are the one that will suffer, so take better care of yourself. Don't give up all control over your life to this affair. Edited December 7, 2009 by norajane
Impudent Oyster Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I’m sorry, but my first, immediate, and out loud response was “oh my god! Get an abortion quick!” Just reading I’m pregnant by a married man what should I do has me all nervous inside. My MM and I take the risk every month. We’ve never used protection and recently no restraint when it’s “safe”. Every time and month I think “what the hell am I thinking/doing?” MM and I have never discussed the “what ifs”. I have absolutely no doubt that he would want me to get an abortion. Unbelievable.
2sunny Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 What wuz you dealing with a married man for? Ever heard the saying--You reap what you sew? Geesh. Use real English. :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: i'm laughing so hard i can't see to type!!!! OMG! :lmao:
quankanne Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I'll tell you what, raising the child of a married man to adulthood will be a heck of a lot more traumtic than having an abortion! What is wrong with people? I think the anti-choice crowd has guilt-tripped people to the point where some of them cannot even think straight. Do NOT let a bunch of self-rightious, Jesus-shouting hypocrits convince you to surrender control of your body or your life. I agree with the last statement, "Do NOT let a bunch of self-righteous … hypocrites convince you to surrender control of … your life." This also means YOU. Abortion is not a cakewalk, but a serious action that bears careful consideration, because it doesn't just stop with "getting rid of the evidence" of pregnancy – there are lifelong repercussions. Depression and anger are two of the most common. OP, you've got a lot to think about, but promise us this before you take action: Consider all alternatives fully before you decide. Because whatever you do impacts your future well-being. hugs to you, kiddo!
Angel1111 Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I agree with the last statement, "Do NOT let a bunch of self-righteous … hypocrites convince you to surrender control of … your life." This also means YOU. Abortion is not a cakewalk, but a serious action that bears careful consideration, because it doesn't just stop with "getting rid of the evidence" of pregnancy – there are lifelong repercussions. Depression and anger are two of the most common. OP, you've got a lot to think about, but promise us this before you take action: Consider all alternatives fully before you decide. Because whatever you do impacts your future well-being. hugs to you, kiddo! That was pretty much my point, too, but I stated it badly. I knew someone who had an abortion and even ten years later, she would think about what age the child would've been and all that. Plus, I saw her right after the abortion and knew I never wanted to experience anything like that in my life. I know there are extenuating circumstances but abortion isn't something that women should take lightly.
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