username01 Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 First time poster on any online forum... Broke up with ex about a month ago (the last of several break ups). Have been no-contact since the break up. I still love my ex, but I know that he is not the guy for me. Going through the breakup roller coaster emotions... one day feel completely over it and really happy about it, the next day feel devastated and everything in between. My question is: how do I move on to be interested in other guys? I see attractive men everywhere. If I were a little more flirtatious, I don't think I'd have a problem finding guys that were interested. My friends don't like the ex and have been more than happy to line up a list of guys for blind dates whenever I'm ready. My problem is that I don't seem to be interested in anyone. I mean I don't even feel physical attraction or any desire to even flirt with any guy I see. I can talk to a guy and think that he's pretty attractive, but I just never feel any interest. And that sucks because it makes me think I'm not moving forward at all. I'm okay with not finding "the one" right now, but it'd be really nice to feel some kind of crush, attraction, anything for someone. How do you get to that point? Thanks for reading.
Torn_apart Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Allow yourself some time to grieve, until you are over this period, no one will really be right for you. Heck, I see all the celebs on TV and it seems like none of them can compare to my ex.
USMCHokie Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 As everyone is bound to say, only time will get you to where you want...if you're a social person, then by all means get out there, meet people, and just have fun with life...if you'd rather go about your business on your own, then do so...don't force something to happen...I don't quite understand why your friends are so eager to hook you up with another guy...if you can be perfectly happy being on your own for a while, then you'll have achieved something that very few people in this world ever get to experience... You don't need to feel the butterflies for another guy to move forward...that's exactly the attitude that a lot of people have who use someone new to convince themselves that they're moving forward, when all they're doing is hiding from their own personal issues... I personally don't have any interest in other people because, frankly, I stopped wanting to trust women. Maybe in time my attitude will change, but I'm fine the way things are.
Trinitron Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I'd say once you start feeling comfortable in your own skin you'll start to get back to normalcy. I've been forcing things abit and am going to wait until I finish growing my skin back. Trust me you'll know when you're back it will all seem natural again. USMCHokie, yeah, don't think I'll be trusting any chicks anytime soon either, oh well, there's always Xbox. Trinitron
twinklecat Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Definitely allow yourself some time to grieve and move on fully. Jumping straight to another person, in my experience is a no-no (how I ended up in my mess in the first place!)
Author username01 Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 Okay, thanks. Friends think that I will feel better once I get out there and start dating new people. That's pretty much been the unanimous advice I've gotten on how to move on. They feel like I'm holding myself back by being hung up on the ex. Not that I have to jump into a new relationship, but that I should at least flirt with guys and casually date, and enjoy that part of being single. I think the hard thing is that the ex was my best friend for a long time and a great person in many ways. Flirting with some other guy just because he's good-looking or outgoing isn't going to fill that void. Someone really special would have to come along. The thing is, I wish I could feel excited about having the opportunity to have fun with a lot of guys until the next "right" guy comes along... it just isn't happening. And the pressure to have a fling or a date or something is making the break up experience worse. I'm glad to hear that other people feel the same way, most of my friends that have gone through break-ups don't seem to have a problem with this, so I am beginning to feel as though there is something wrong with me.
USMCHokie Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 most of my friends that have gone through break-ups don't seem to have a problem with this, so I am beginning to feel as though there is something wrong with me. Highly unlikely. People are different. Refer to my previous post...some people jump from relationship to relationship because they want to hide from dealing with the loss...or that's just their personality...or their relationships just don't mean much to them...just another fling to pass the time... If this guy really did mean a lot to you, then it'll take a long time to break that emotional bond...there's nothing wrong with that...
GrayClouds Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 (edited) My problem is that I don't seem to be interested in anyone. Thanks for reading. Do not be so hard on yourself, most people just are not that interesting. They are like me, to self-absorb, only interested in talking about themselves and their own problems Edited December 6, 2009 by GrayClouds
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