Stardust82 Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 i'm happily married, no real problems or drama in my relationship. my hubby is pretty much the best one could ever ask for. so, why is it that sometimes i think about other guys? i think about making out, going farther, what life would be like with them, etc. i've never, ever cheated (never would), and am really happy with where i'm at with my hubby. so why would i let my mind go into these directions? i have little fantasies and then i feel really horribly guilty about them. i don't want to leave him or anything, i just have little daydreams. sometimes i look at pictures or single's ads online. what's wrong with me, can i fix it?
Woggle Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Leave your husband now before you actually have an affair. He is a great husband so of course you are starting to get bored with him and are looking at other men. Do the right thing and let him go now.
Sam Spade Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 i'm happily married, no real problems or drama in my relationship. my hubby is pretty much the best one could ever ask for. so, why is it that sometimes i think about other guys? i think about making out, going farther, what life would be like with them, etc. i've never, ever cheated (never would), and am really happy with where i'm at with my hubby. so why would i let my mind go into these directions? i have little fantasies and then i feel really horribly guilty about them. i don't want to leave him or anything, i just have little daydreams. sometimes i look at pictures or single's ads online. what's wrong with me, can i fix it? I am so tired of hearing this script over, and over, and over again . No, it is NOT normal. This is what women with major emotional issues experience; it is the fact that 80% of women fall into this category that makes it "normal", the way two wrongs make a right.
Woggle Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I am so tired of hearing this script over, and over, and over again . No, it is NOT normal. This is what women with major emotional issues experience; it is the fact that 80% of women fall into this category that makes it "normal", the way two wrongs make a right. And people wonder I have a hard time trusting women.
Author Stardust82 Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 so, no men ever, ever have little daydreams? it's just the crazy, untrustworthy women? i am nice, i have never cheated and never would and i'm not planning on ever leaving him. nice guys are hard to come by and i'm keeping mine. i asked for advice on how to control these daydreams, not judgement.
reboot Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Ever consider acting out a few of your daydreams with your husband?
Devil Inside Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 so, no men ever, ever have little daydreams? it's just the crazy, untrustworthy women? i am nice, i have never cheated and never would and i'm not planning on ever leaving him. nice guys are hard to come by and i'm keeping mine. i asked for advice on how to control these daydreams, not judgement. Listen OP..I cheated...so let me give you some insight. It is normal to be attracted to other people. However, I agree, it is alarming that you take it as far as imaging your life with them or looking at personal ads. You need to be careful because you are leaving yourself vulnerable for the right smooth talking brother to sweep you off your feet...and trust me, they are out there. When you have these little daydreams what is happening in them that is different from what you get from your H. So use them as a clue for what you need more of. Then talk to him...tell him what you need. He can't read your mind. I would also stop reading personals and things like that...what if he sees you one day...have fun explaining that. Good luck.
Woggle Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 so, no men ever, ever have little daydreams? it's just the crazy, untrustworthy women? i am nice, i have never cheated and never would and i'm not planning on ever leaving him. nice guys are hard to come by and i'm keeping mine. i asked for advice on how to control these daydreams, not judgement. Your story is pretty much a cliche when it comes to modern marriage. I am not judging you but sooner or later you will fall out of love with your husband and cheat so do him a favor and divorce him before that happens. Look at the seperation and divorce forum on this board and this is how it happens.
alphamale Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 what's wrong with me, can i fix it? nothing is wrong with you as long as you keep your fantasies to yourself...
Sam Spade Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 so, no men ever, ever have little daydreams? it's just the crazy, untrustworthy women? i am nice, i have never cheated and never would and i'm not planning on ever leaving him. nice guys are hard to come by and i'm keeping mine. i asked for advice on how to control these daydreams, not judgement. There is a big difference between acknowledging a hot girl and actively expending energy on fantasizing what would life would be with another woman, making out with her etc. As a matter of fact, it is very easy to control such daydreams - you just don't expend too much energy on them. The same applies to meeting someone new and exciting - you just don't pursue anything with them and stay focused on your relationship. There is always someone new, hot and exciting out there. The point is that you can choose to ignore it or to obsess over it (and eventually pursue it). It is certainly not the case that you can't control these feelings. The question is whether you want to. So, there's your answer.
HeyThere Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Every relationship is different – as envisioned by the two. You know the difference between fantasy and reality, which is key. Would you be comfortable sharing your fantasies w/ your H and vice-versa. I don’t understand why you’re suggested to leave your H because you have fantasies. Sex is principally mental. It sounds like your looking for more spice in the bedroom. Talk it out.
You Go Girl Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Everybody has told her that her fantasies are wrong, yet 80%+ of men "use" porn. Explain that?
mem11363 Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Everyone has the odd thought - fantasy - but if they are becoming a distraction you need to ask yourself some important questions. Is your man too nice? Does he know that you would like him to be a lot more dominant, maybe even a bit rough in the bedroom? If my wife hadn't told me what she liked - hadn't helped me open up - we would eventually have disconnected in a major league way sexually. And guys are culturally conditioned to be non-physical with women and extra gentle with their wives - the opposite of what makes for raging monkey sex and intense emotional bonding. so, no men ever, ever have little daydreams? it's just the crazy, untrustworthy women? i am nice, i have never cheated and never would and i'm not planning on ever leaving him. nice guys are hard to come by and i'm keeping mine. i asked for advice on how to control these daydreams, not judgement.
whichwayisup Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 How come it's OK for a guy to check out women, picture them naked, picture having sex with them but when a woman does it, it means she's going to go and cheat? Holy f'ing crap I'm so sick of the double standard. Look, you feel guilty, that's good. You know you love your husband and don't want to be with anyone else.. Fantasy is just that. Spice up your sex life with your husband, I bet he'd be extremely happy about that. Rent some porn DVD's, do some role playing.. Go out on a date, get dressed up (no undies), and let him "pick you up".. at the bar.. Fool around in your car.. Recapture what brought you two together in the first place! Have fun and be sexy, sensual.. Make it hot!
whichwayisup Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 One more thing..It's normal.. UNLESS there's a particular person you keep fantasizing about. That could be dangerous. Other than that, it is what it is. Fantasy.
HeyThere Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Everybody has told her that her fantasies are wrong, yet 80%+ of men "use" porn. Explain that? Is Nancy Friday wrong or the number of women who contribute to a vast collection of sexual writings?
Devil Inside Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Everybody has told her that her fantasies are wrong, yet 80%+ of men "use" porn. Explain that? LOL...yeah...and all those grown women read the Twilight series because of the great writing.
Samantha0905 Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 i'm happily married, no real problems or drama in my relationship. my hubby is pretty much the best one could ever ask for. so, why is it that sometimes i think about other guys? i think about making out, going farther, what life would be like with them, etc. i've never, ever cheated (never would), and am really happy with where i'm at with my hubby. so why would i let my mind go into these directions? i have little fantasies and then i feel really horribly guilty about them. i don't want to leave him or anything, i just have little daydreams. sometimes i look at pictures or single's ads online. what's wrong with me, can i fix it? There's certainly nothing wrong with sexual fantasies. Does everyone who masturbates think of their husband or wife? I doubt it! I've had threesome fantasies, etc. but never actually been in a threesome or desired one in real life. We all have fantasies. Why do you feel guilty about them if you aren't acting on them? You're coming a little closer to acting when you check out singles ads..... Perhaps you're wanting to somewhat? My fantasies used to always be about movie stars and the like -- people I didn't actually know in real life. I guess it was indicative of my my mind actually wandering where it shouldn't go when I started fantasizing about people in my real life. Just things to ponder. Perhaps you can think of a way to have a healthier and less guilt free fantasy life. Plus, as someone suggested -- incorporate some of the acts in your fantasies into your real sex life with your husband. LOL...yeah...and all those grown women read the Twilight series because of the great writing. LOL -- I really wondered about myself when I bought the hardback edition of that series and it came with temporary tattoos. Things like "Edward" as a lower back tattoo.
HeyThere Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Nancy Friday, Violet Blue, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Hanne Blank, Suzie Van Aartman,Kerri Sharp, Sonia Florens.... all of these writers/editors of womens erotica are being published and read.
OneTwo Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Leave your husband now before you actually have an affair. He is a great husband so of course you are starting to get bored with him and are looking at other men. Do the right thing and let him go now. LOL! I needed that dose of hardcore. Thanks Wog! You have these fantasies because your H is being too nice. You want the bad-boy relationship. Unless he becomes armed and dangerous, you will likely ending up acting on one of your fantansies and then you will justify it as part of your growth experience as a woman. When I am too nice to my wife, she doesn't want sex (and I am fairly good-looking and by today's standards, somewhat rich). When I am nice, she just does excessive shopping and gets lazy. When I act like a homicidal maniac, she somehow thinks I'm a catch. Since I enjoy being somewhat half-crazy at times, I occasionally drive like a maniac just to get my heart pumping. She gets so mad at me if she is in the car when I do so. She will even start crying and say things like I must not care about her feelings, etc. But, within the next night or so, she is extremely turned on for some reason. So, the more manly and dangerous things that she witnesses me doing, the more she likes me even though she says that she does not like the whole male ego thing and is deathly affraid of violence and danger. I guess it's time to go to the gym, buy a new hunting rifle, and saw the muffler off of my car. Maybe I should get a new Harley as well. I am already growing my hair out some and covering the gray on my temples. She is really responding well. OP, get your husband to do the same. If he needs lessons on how to be dangerous, send him my way, and I'll give him back to you in a state a pure terror. After he recovers, he should be just right.
ADF Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 There's nothing to fix. Nothing is wrong with you. Of course you think about other men. No doubt your husband thinks about other women, too. Monogamy is a social construction, not a biological truth. It is utterly unnatural, but necessary to keep faith with our partners. That is why we do it. The mark of your devotion to your husband is that you don't cheat, not that you don't occasionally want to. Don't worry--you're fine.
NowhereToHide Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I am so tired of hearing this script over, and over, and over again . No, it is NOT normal. This is what women with major emotional issues experience; it is the fact that 80% of women fall into this category that makes it "normal", the way two wrongs make a right. Talk about a script.... the "leave him NOW, immediately, give him the chance to have something "real", you're not being fair"... The woman is fantasizing... she's not cheating. The people on here who IMMEDIATELY jump to the "Leave Your Spouse NOW" playbook need to take a step back, breathe, and think about what they're suggesting. You are essentially telling people, some who might have kids, to leave her spouse now for nothing more than thinking about guys (not even one she knows). I personally see nothing wrong with what she's doing... but for those that do, how about counseling first? Talking to her husband about spicing things up maybe? Think about it before you jump the gun immediately to divorce. It's not something that should ever be thrown around lightly.
NowhereToHide Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 LOL...yeah...and all those grown women read the Twilight series because of the great writing. hmmm.... And I'm sure from this quote that you are one of those "enlightened" men that has actually READ the Twilight books, DI?
Sam Spade Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Talk about a script.... the "leave him NOW, immediately, give him the chance to have something "real", you're not being fair"... The woman is fantasizing... she's not cheating. The people on here who IMMEDIATELY jump to the "Leave Your Spouse NOW" playbook need to take a step back, breathe, and think about what they're suggesting. You are essentially telling people, some who might have kids, to leave her spouse now for nothing more than thinking about guys (not even one she knows). I personally see nothing wrong with what she's doing... but for those that do, how about counseling first? Talking to her husband about spicing things up maybe? Think about it before you jump the gun immediately to divorce. It's not something that should ever be thrown around lightly. I don't necessarily to leave him, but unless she learns to process these fantasies in a healthy way (e.g. with sense of humor or whatever), she will end up in a "i was never in love with my H" thread in no time.
Woggle Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I don't necessarily to leave him, but unless she learns to process these fantasies in a healthy way (e.g. with sense of humor or whatever), she will end up in a "i was never in love with my H" thread in no time. Yup. This is how most of the walkaway wife stories start. She is falling out of love with her husband and unless she does some serious work on herself a divorce is in their future. I just think it would be kind of her to cut to the chase and leave her husband so she can live a free and passionette single life where she can fullfil all her fantasies.
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