bentnotbroken Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 All I have to say to that is oh please. The sexual/romantic relationship here is between the mother and father and should stay there. I have a married daughter. I don't push myself into that part of her relationship with her husband. There are boundaries. This "child" is an adult also, no? Nobody is heaping blame on anyone. People are offering suggestions and just because you don't agree with some of the suggestions does not mean those suggestions equate to heaping blame. My point simply is there are probably things there the child has no idea about and approaching the dad first is not a good idea. I still think reading the mother's emails was out of line. Perhaps some of the things going on -- sexual issues -- intimacy issues -- are not things a parent will want to discuss with a child. Nor should the mother feel obligated to discuss these things with the child. What parent wants to discuss things like a lack of sexual satisfaction (for example) with their child? It should never happen. I agree with the point the child should step out of the middle of her parents' marriage. I guess since my posted wasn't directed I you, I don't know what you are talking about. Of course people will disagree, its called human nature. But this poster was called names because they cared enough to be concerned with family honor, no matter which dynamic of the family it is concentrated in at the time. It eventually effects all other dynamics. I recognize not everyone was raised with that sense of honor and duty, but some of us were. You and I will disagree on this so oh please, don't take it so personally. I am sure my opinion has little or no effect on your life or your choices and I know for certain yours has no effect on mine. So oh please, let's move along shall we?
angie2443 Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I've just skimmed through the post and wanted to share my opinions on this since I was in a simular situation when I was a teen. It's unhealthy to keep secrets like this. It's unhealthy to live a lie which sometimes happens when you have to pretend everthings fine in your family when it's not. It's unhealthy to share secrets with one parent, it crosses a boundary between the parent and child (no matter the age of the child). Good luck OP in whatever you decide to do.
threebyfate Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 It's unhealthy to keep secrets like this. It's unhealthy to live a lie which sometimes happens when you have to pretend everthings fine in your family when it's not. It's unhealthy to share secrets with one parent, it crosses a boundary between the parent and child (no matter the age of the child). Good luck OP in whatever you decide to do.I agree with this. This is your choice to make. I know what I would do but I'm not you and don't know the circumstances of your life.
road Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 Why only be worried that mom will be mad if you expose her and not worry that you dad will be mad that you hiding the truth betrayed him? Don't tell you mom to expose the affair this you need to do on your own. Now!
seibert253 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 You know what the right thing to do in this situation. You feel it in your heart and head right now. I think by turning here, you are looking for validation in what you NEED to do. Sometimes it's not about doing what's popular, or not hurting someone's feelings or making them mad at you, it's about doing what's RIGHT. Is it right that your father continues in a marriage of lies and deceipt? No. Is it right that your mother continues to pursue the path of destruction of her marriage and your family? No. So, are you going to try and put out the fire before it gets to the can of gasoline, or are you going to stand by silently and let the explosion occur on it's own. I leave you with this, and then I'm done; your father WILL find out eventually. How's he going to feel when he finds out you knew what was going on, and stood by silently and did nothing?
Samantha0905 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 I leave you with this, and then I'm done; your father WILL find out eventually. How's he going to feel when he finds out you knew what was going on, and stood by silently and did nothing? How do you know that will happen? You don't.
torranceshipman Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 When we are all kids, we are taught to do the right thing, that lying is wrong, and so forth. Kids often have a very straightforward black and white idea of right and wrong at that point in life (e.g. lying is wrong, stealing is wrong). Then we become adults and lots of people get their moral compasses thrown off a bit through self-interest, wanting to satisfy certain needs, etc, and like to compromize on those original morals. OP, keep your moral compass exactly where it is: telling the truth is good, lying is bad - it is as simplistic as that. You sound like a good person with good values, so do whatever you feel is morally right in this situation. Saying that the relationship is 'between your mother and father only' is not really a valid point, as you are now in possession of information that means that you are now also involved in the situation, whether anybody likes to acknowledge that fact, or not (i.e. the actions of one parent are causing you great pain and is also exerting great damage on their M, whether both of them are currently aware of that fact, or not: this situation now has to be resolved some how, thus action on your part appears necessary). Any poster here who objects to how you obtained the info - they may or may not be right. They can criticize that to their hearts' content, that is a valid area for debate. But any objections about THAT (looking at your parents emails) stand apart completely from the current issue in hand.
seibert253 Posted December 9, 2009 Posted December 9, 2009 How do you know that will happen? You don't. Read through this forum and others. May not happen overnite, may take 20 years, but the truth will surface, many times at the least opportune moment.
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