AmberJ Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Hey guys, I was here with another problem a couple months ago and now I'm in a predicament about a different subject. I was offered some good advice before, so I'm back again. I hung out with a guy from my English class a couple weeks ago. I didn't know him too well before, but we ended up hanging out from 1:00 pm until 4:30 am the next morning and I really grew to like him. We didn't do anything 'coupley' that night, in fact the next day he asked me if he should have hugged me when he left. (Awww) Since then we've hung out a few more times and have kissed and made out. We talk daily online and exchange flirty IMs and tell each other how much we miss the other one and everything. When we walk around the mall we hold hands and kiss once in awhile. Basically, I'm already falling head over heels for him. I'm just confused as to what he considers us to be. He hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend, we're not "Facebook official" and at school he doesn't act like we're anything more than school-friends. I figure you guys will tell me to talk to him about it, but what exactly do I say? I've never had to flat out ask 'what are we?' and I don't want to scare him off by wanting to put a label on us so soon. I'm also afraid of him giving me an answer I want to here rather than what he really feels if I put him on the spot with a question like that. How do I do this, and through what medium, when? Agh, so baffled. Any help is VERY MUCH appreciated.
Boundary Problem Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Ask him directly. You'll be surprised how direct he will be. Take his answer at face value. Do it now, before you fall deeply in love, cause then you end up as FWB (friends with benefits). Hopefully it will be the answer you want.
Samari Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I'm always a fan of "going with the flow". You'll know if you guys are for real shortly. It's only been two weeks right? That isn't much time, and you guys are already doing things that couples do. Sounds like you guys are already legit, you just haven't "said it". I'm guessing you're both in high school? You could ask him directly if you want to really get an answer if it's really bothering you. If I was the boy in your situation I wouldn't mind being asked directly. Just ask in a casual manner. Nothing more to it.
Author AmberJ Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 Ask him directly. You'll be surprised how direct he will be. Take his answer at face value. Do it now, before you fall deeply in love, cause then you end up as FWB (friends with benefits). Hopefully it will be the answer you want. Youre definitely right about the FWB benefits thing, I'd hate for that to be what this is and not know it. Do you think through AIM is an acceptable way to ask? I don't want to do it at school but I might not hang out with him outside of it for a few days.
Samari Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Youre definitely right about the FWB benefits thing, I'd hate for that to be what this is and not know it. Do you think through AIM is an acceptable way to ask? I don't want to do it at school but I might not hang out with him outside of it for a few days. If you're going to ask, don't do it on AIM. Do it in person.
Boundary Problem Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I would ask him in person when you are feeling close to each other and are alone. You don't have to use a lot of words, if he pauses to think before answering, let there be silence. Casual approach is important. No one likes pressure. The more relaxed he is when you ask, the imformation he will give you at that time.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 It's only been a few weeks? In MY opinion, I think it's a little early to ask for a label, but that's just me. However, I wouldn't be opposed to asking if he's seeing anyone else and if he says no, I'd respond in kind.
Awesome Username Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 And for goodness sake, don't sleep with him until you know for sure. It goes without saying, but I'm gonna say it anyway.
Boundary Problem Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 And for goodness sake, don't sleep with him until you know for sure. It goes without saying, but I'm gonna say it anyway. I completely agree with this. Some girls are too trusting. Actually it works both ways, and sometimes the guy is the one who gets hurt and thought it was exclusive. Basically make sure you are both on the same page emotionally/commitment wise before getting naked.
boogieboy Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Ask him next time only when you guys are cuddling or intimate. NOT ON IM
Boundary Problem Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Ask him next time only when you guys are cuddling or intimate. NOT ON IM I agree with this, and in a light hearted moment. Casual. No pressure.
Author AmberJ Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Ok, thanks so much everyone. Next time we're snuggling I'll bring it up and let you know how it goes. Wish me luck and thanks again!
J dub Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I am a STRONG believer in letting them establish that talk first - if they want it, they will ask They know how to reach you. In the mean time, you just go with the flow, no rush. You are not FWB, just DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM WITHOUT A COMMITMENT TALK!!!!!!!!!! I REPEAT!!!!! Ok I wont repeat it, but for the love of all things holy - do nottttt do it.
Author AmberJ Posted December 12, 2009 Author Posted December 12, 2009 Well, I promised an update and as embarrassing as it: It didn't work out. I started noticing some mixed signals and lots of excuses when I asked to hang out, so I asked him (sadly through an IM service because apparently he'd be too busy for the next month to chill in person) if there was someone else he liked other than me. Yep. And I don't think he would have told me if I hadn't have asked first. Then he started complaining about how he was rejected by her earlier that day and how much his life sucked, etc. Um, did I not just get rejected too? Oh well. (Yeah he seriously tried to ask another girl out without telling me ANYTHING.) D-bag. Thanks for all your help anyway. With my luck I'll be back for more. <3
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