Beebie Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Well, it's been nearly two weeks since I last posted here. I've been trying to reconcile with H following his announcement of wanting to split up and divorce. We've both had a lot of time and space to think about things. I've tried to remain positive and look at all the good things about our marriage and how we could maybe work together and still have a future together. Tonight, I've had another meeting with him. I talked about what we could do to try and make things work but he didn't seem responsive at all and it was me making all the running. He just doesn't want to try and I've really reached the end of the road now. There's nothing more I can do. I REALLY DON'T regret trying one last chance. It's what I needed to do in order to satisfy myself I've tried my hardest to save my marriage and it just doesn't look like it's going to work. The reason I'm posting this is, I've had some strange feelings tonight and I'm wondering what it all means. I've been looking at photo's of myself when I was 18/19 YO (30 years ago) and at first I didn't recognise the girl in the photo's. This girl seemed so young and happy and had a smile on her face like you've never seen before. I know I'm not 19 YO anymore, but I WANT to be that girl again, or at least the person in those pictures. It's still ME. That person is still somewhere inside me. BUT, how do re-connect myself with the person I used to be pre-marriage? What I'm trying to say is I've lost myself - totally. If I could just find myself maybe I could believe there is life after divorce and be happy again. I know I can't turn back the clock but I don't know what to do to find fun and enjoyment in life. Sorry if this is deep. I'm not looking for another relationship in the near future. I need to find ME first, and I don't know how to do it.
tojaz Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 (edited) Beebie, I'm sorry things didn't work out for you. My wife had said things about losing herself in the marriage, and sadly i had to agree. I bought her a book entitled "Loving-Him-without-Losing-You" and she said she had learned a lot from it. It didn't save our marriage, but I hope it can bring back the woman I married, even if it doesn't bring her back to me. I would ask yourself quite simply what that girl is smiling at in the pictures and what is missing now. Seems simple, but a good place to start. TOJAZ Edited December 7, 2009 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
You Go Girl Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 I'll tell you. That girl in those pictures--did she even know your stbxh? She was a whole person without him. You're still a whole person inside. You're just feeling down, and rightfully so... but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and this isn't going to kill you. That girl in the picture is waiting for you to let her smile again, and it will take some time, but it sure isn't anywhere close to impossible, just difficult some days. One day at a time, baby steps, nothing is unsurmountable if we just bite off a little piece of making it happen, including finding our happiness again.
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