I Hate My Family and want Pour Salt on an old wound, Should I ???

[greenapple]

I'll keep it as short as possible:

 

 

 

I'm a 26 guy I live in San Diego. My mom lives in Seattle with my sister(18).

My parents are divorced but get along really good.

My mom has 5 sisters and 1 brother. I have a lot of cousins. A Huge Family on her side.

 

 

about 8 years ago my sister was 10 and was molested by a cousin of mine 2 years older than her.

he touched her unappropriately in her sleep and she was too scared to scream, but apparently,

that's all that happened...But she told my aunt everything the next morning, It happened at her house.

 

It was all pretty obvious, the evidence was there, he was busted, did something he shouldnt have done.

however nobody in the family chose to accept that anything had happened. Even my aunt, when told about the inncident,

told my sister not to make up lies. Everybody in the family turned their heads,

fingers were pointed in the wrong directions and

pretty much, no one in the family really supported or offered any help to me, my mom or my sister. But

deep down, i'm very sure that everybody knew the truth.

 

It was awkward for many years at get togethers or during parties, so me, my mom and my sister chose

not to go to a lot of functions. My mom still talks to her sisters, to grandma(who was mad initially at my mom

for "doing this to the family" as she once said)

 

 

Anyway, Long story short, it's sort of long forgotten, but not to me and my mom or my sis.

I hate hanging out with that side of the family. My mom lives far away so she doesnt

have to see them, she still talks to them periodically(I mean it is her brother and sisters, even though they let her and

us down So I can't blame her really). I more hate my family for acting the way they did, than the kid that actually did it.

He came to me personally a year ago and apologized to me and my mother and sis for doing what he did. But

the family just goes on like it never happened.It's like you know who your "real" loved ones are when

something like this happens.

 

Anyway, My aunts give me a hard time for not going over to their houses or for not going to family get togethers or

calling them to see how they are doing. Sometimes, I just want to tell them WHY i don't go over to their houses

or WHY i don't call them at all. I just think they suck. Where were they when we needed them? Do they Call My sister to

see how she's doing ever?? NO. They'll call my mom!! They don't call me...Yet if i call them, they say it's so good to hear from me.

I want to say something sometimes, But I don't want to cause problems or make my mom look bad for ME telling

the family to **** Off. She struggles with wanting to tell them sometimes, But chooses not to. she doesn't want to

alienate her family completely.

 

So If I haven't alienated any of you readers yet, If you have any thoughts, Advice, Insults, whatever, They are all

appreciated.

 

 

Thanks for reading

[andreautick]

I would love to say "Oh, just let bygones be bygones! Tra la la!" But I can't.

 

I have a similar situation...my Dad and his brother (who is a troll, he just is one of those awful, negative people who does actually look much like a troll) have bad blood stemming from a family scandal and competition in their highschool days. It has meant bad blood between my uncle and my dad and both of their families for lo these many years. It makes family gatherings bite, and it has made cooperation in their family corporation hell. I can't help but think..if they had talked about this long ago, it would have saved us all this trouble.

 

What I'm saying is, you can't just let it go. But, you can forgive and not forget. You could talk to your family about it, and make peace. Maybe say "Well, we need to stop the finger pointing because it isn't doing any good." And come to an agreement. But, if you don't do something like that now, it will just get worse (example: my family). I know talking won't resolve such a complex and sensitive issue, but at least you can compromise and both say your peace and let it go as much as you can.

 

Good luck

[Arabess]

I just want to tell them WHY i don't go over to their houses

or WHY i don't call them at all. I just think they suck.

 

Green,

We live in a society which is much more prone to openly speak about incidences like this. Between Oprah, Dr Phil and Dr Ruth.....we are more comfortable talking about inappropriate sexual behavior. Unfortunately, this isn't the case with some people in an older generation. There was a time you took 'ugly thoughts' and swept them under the rug.....ESPECIALLY in regards to a relative.

 

I had a cousin who went to prison when I was a young girl. The whole family didn't even mention his name at gatherings. They were ashamed FOR and OF him. It would have been disrespectful to his other family members to bring up their child of shame. Maybe that's why your relatives don't discuss the situation your sister went thru.

 

Does it make it right? NO...not at all! But thinking about WHY they may not have felt comfortable to discuss it or address it properly at the time....might help you find some forgiveness....if not pity for them....in your heart. THEY didn't commit the crime....they have simply stuck their heads in the sand.

 

It's YOUR choice if you want to bring it up....or simply let it go. Everyone has screwed up families....but it's the only family you've got. It's not worth staying pissed off at their ignorance forever. Chances are they have discussed it among themselves and just don't feel comfortable talking about it. Maybe they think it will only cause more embarrassment or pain for your sister.

[mushroomdude]

Greenapple,

 

Yeah i see how you're feeling about your sister...a similar thing happened in my family, but it was my dad and my sis. And the one defending my dad was my mom. It was almost that i didn't expect better from my dad he's a horrible, sick person to begin with, but for my mother to defend him so much?!?!?

 

Just because he's sick and crazy doesn't excuse what he did...and how could she never do anything? Even when her OWN kids were being beaten and/or worse... Well, I hope events turn for the better for you and us--I believe you've just anger with them for denying that it happened; denial won't fix it, obviously, and it will always be there unless addressed. Good luck, hope this helps...God bless.

[chocogirl19]

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I think you should leave it alone...I know it is hard, but you should not pour salt on an old wound. If it still bothers you, your sis or mother, maybe you should seek some counseling or help.

 

Hope that helps

 

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!