blair08 Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 A friend of mine just told me earlier today, that she doesn't care to have sex with her husband much. And that over the years she has grown to resent him for various things they have gone through over the years. HOWEVER, she then tells me, if her husband mentions wanting to try for another baby she is all over him! And she is then the one wanting sex from him alot. They have two kids both girls, ages 11 years old and one that is almost 2 years old, she says he told her the other day he wouldn't mind trying for a boy. Now she is all estatic and wanting sex with him, in hopes of conceiving again. I'm lost. She doesn't want sex with him due to resentments from past things, but she does if he says lets have another child? , and not this isn't a religious thing where some people only produce because they feel thats the Godly way and that's all. BTW she did say that she does have sex with him at times when having kids is NOT mentioned, but mostly because she feels bad or guilty and even then shes not much into it. But basically she would rather not. Why would she only want sex with him to try to keep having kids? I would think if she had that much resentment against him she sure wouldn't want to keep having kids with him.
You Go Girl Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 She weighs the resentment with the desire for more kids, and more kids wins. Low sex drive may be playing a part here too. Since you didn't describe the resentments, it's impossible to remark on that.
2sunny Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 the real question here is why is she telling YOU this information. this is personal and private and should be discussed with her H only.
Author blair08 Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 She weighs the resentment with the desire for more kids, and more kids wins. Low sex drive may be playing a part here too. Since you didn't describe the resentments, it's impossible to remark on that. You're right and I'm not real sure exactly what all those resentments are...but I do know he used to be pretty mean to her with lots of verbal/emotional abuse years ago. Maybe that plays a role.
Author blair08 Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 the real question here is why is she telling YOU this information. this is personal and private and should be discussed with her H only. I really do not know. We have been friends since we were little, maybe she just needed to vent or someone to talk to. Sometimes I don't know what to say to her and feel its best to just listen, even though I don't always understand why some people make the choices they make. I used to tell her how I felt about her situation when SHE asked me, but now I just mainly listen because most advice that was given to her fell on def ears anyway. As far as her talking to her husband I'm assuming she has, she used to anyway not sure if she still does.
White Flower Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Many women share secrets of all sorts--you will discover this more and more as you age. Nothing is sacred when women talk! I'm thinking she may have issues with sex being ok only when it is procreational. There are a handful of people out there like this. Of these, some have been conditioned to believe sex is bad or taboo unless they are procreating. If it's recreational then it is bad, unfortunately. Again, as another poster said, her lack of wanting sex (when she doesn't feel she'll get a child out of it) could also be due to low libido. With the resentments she stores within her heart I find it quite amazing she even desires sex and more babies at all. Perhaps she just loves motherhood and this is what brings her the most joy. Maybe babies make a happy home to her and this helps her to avoid the resentment in her heart? Sadly, babies grow up and the stress of having a large family can take its toll on a M that is already in trouble. Have you asked her how she justifies having more kids with a H she resents?
JackJack Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Well, I do not know the whole story BUT based on what you've said, it sounds a bit selfish on her part. She only wants sex when she can get something from it, more kids! If it was due more to low sex drive I still don't get why she would want to just to have kids. Maybe her husband realizes this and feels they only way he is going to get sex, or at least sex where she actually feels excited and enthused is when he mentions having kids. It doesn't sound like a real healthy situation to me. Him being abusive, her having resentments and only wanting sex to mainly have kids etc. But if he doesn't mind getting sex just to have kids and she doesn't mind providing sex to have kids then I guess it works out for them both. Also, its good you are listening to her and being thee for her. I know what you mean by sometimes its best to just be there and not provide alot of advice, to those who don't want it anyway. My wife has a friend like that. She loves her to pieces but it can be draining.
PandorasBox Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I think its selfish. She has resentments against him but yet wants to keep bearing kids with him. It sounds kind of like a controlling behavior on her part, one that he obviously doesn't mind as long as he is getting sex and she is having kids. But whatever works for them I guess.
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