Torn_apart Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 To keep things short, our entire relationship of 5months has been a roller coaster ride. She had been in some rough relationship and was afraid to be in another one. I in perhaps arrogance or sheer foolishness thought that i could get her to open up by my persistence and showing her support, afterall, she has rejected every suitor to date resolutely, all except for me. Things went well for a while, we had alot of fun hanging out together. We hang out almost everyday and chatted on the phone when we were not.i was also ecstatic that she accepted every gift that i gave her. One day, without any rhyme or reason, she started saying she didn't have the courage to carry on with me, she sounded so distressed that i relented. I regretted it immediately and went to her place to try and talk some sense into her. She remained aloof and said she needed some time to think about it. There was nothing i can do at this point, so i went back dejectedly. The next day, she called me to apologize for acting the way she was and that it was because of a sudden bout of depression. I gave her lots of encouragement and told her to take all the time she needed to think about us. She would have 2 more attacks of depression in the 5 months we were together, both times was when we reach a new breakthrough in our relationship.Each time, i would talk to her and ease her fears. As we got steadily closer, it seems that her attacks of melancholia came more frequently and grew longer in duration. I thought that this problem would be solved if i showed more care and concern for her. Throughout our relationship, she was sweet and kind most of the time, I thought those times were the best I ever had but sometimes she would be cold and even abusive. I had thought she was still getting used to being in a relationship. Then she started spending more time with her friends and less time with me. To the point where we didn't see each other for 3 weeks. We had an big argument earlier and i thought to give us some time to cool off before talking again. To come to the point, 3 weeks became 6 weeks and she didn't call me anymore, something she used to do everyday. I tried to talk to her on the phone a few times but was cut short by something each time. First time she said she needed to spend time with her friends and to give her some space, 2nd time she said she felt alot of stress from me. Not knowing what else to do, i wrote her an email telling her how much i missed her and will give her the time and space she needed. No replies came. The last straw was when i went to her place wanting to have dinner with her and try to solve the problem at hand. To my utter dismay, when i reach and called her, she said that she has something to do at home and cannot come out. She promised we would talk about it the next day, I waited and the phone stayed silent the entire day. 3 days ago, she finally admitted on the phone that she developed feelings for her good friend, someone whom she assured she has no feelings for. She said she felt guilty, hence the 6 weeks avoidance and that she will not pursue her feelings for him but she also cannot carry on with me. I love her with every fiber of my soul and cannot bear to see her in such agony. I offered to back out and urge her to pursue her feelings for him which I'm sure was mutual judging by his actions. What hurt me the most was not her change of heart but her readiness to throw away everything we had shared so easily. I now seek an answer to a question which I had feared to ask;did she really love me when she expressed her feelings for me back then? Was it all a lie?
ADF Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Even before I read all the way through your post, I was 100% sure she'd found another man. Here's a tip: any time someone says "I need space," they really mean, "I've met someone else." Every single time. No exceptions. That said, you are well rid of her. Not only did she dump you for aome other guy, she didn't even have the courage or decency to tell you up front. She's a selfish coward. Here's another tip: never underestimate the lengths people will go to to make things as easy as possible on themselves. Ride out this rough patch. You will begin to get over it, to feel better. And learn from it. The world is full of rotten, rotten people. But also good people. When people begin to act strangely, to avoid you, they are usually up to no good. Best of luck.
billy356 Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 That was shockingly like something I went through 5 years ago, almost every detail the same. The only difference is we started our relationship almost immediately after her breakup with her ex of 4 years. Yes in hindsight that was a bad call. She was a little more upfront with her desire to go back to the ex (which she did and of course it failed) but other than that the same damn thing... So I know how you feel. I was very very angry at her for doing what she did to me. I said some mean things to try and balance out the mean things she did to me. I didn't speak to her for many years. Fast forward 5 years and we actually debriefed that time period and the breakup. Did she mean it when she said she loved me? Well based on the discussion I would say that yes she did, although she might not have had a great grasp of the concept at the time obviously. So I think your girl probably did say what she felt and wasnt being deceitful, but maybe chose the wrong words to use. The avoidance is a cheap and unfair way to end a relationship. It is immature and I hope for her sake she is quite young so that at least some semblance of an excuse can be made for her. It is akin to breaking up in Facebook which apparently is a new trend.... If you do care about her and maybe think that the timing was bad and you see a faint possibility that later in life you would give it another go I would simply say to her that you care a lot for her, that what she did was completely inappropriate and hurt you more than was necessary. And that's it. Skip the saying the mean things like I should have. You never know what can happen after some time has passed. Either way it sucks, you were treated unfairly and karma will have its day with her dont worry. In the meantime, no contact and heal. At least it wasnt a few years that you lost, if there is a bright side....
Author Torn_apart Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 Update- Was supposed to meet her to pick up some stuff i left with her and hang out for a while. Dreaded the meeting but found myself disappointed that she didn't contact me all morning. Then finally got a text message from her saying that shes sick but will come over to pass me the stuff but can't hang out, maybe we can hang out another day. What a freaking joke, the other guy stays near my place, I'm sure shes going out with him. Why all the freaking lies. I told her that its okay, she can just give me back my stuff and leave. Did i sounded too harsh?
Author Torn_apart Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 Update - She came down to my place to hand me back my stuff but amazingly forgot about 1 item. I will have to go through this ordeal again.I kept the whole procedure as business like as possible, not talking much and just turn to leave when she handed me the stuff. However, it didn't hurt like i thought it would, just a dull gloomy feeling as i watch her walk away. Am i moving on or will the pain come hurtling into me like a meteorite later.
USMCHokie Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Here's a tip: any time someone says "I need space," they really mean, "I've met someone else." Every single time. No exceptions. I present an exception. I got this line from my ex, too. But there was no one else...basically because it wasn't possible. We were together 24/7. Literally. Sometimes space is just that...space...I realized I needed the space too...but she did meet a guy after we broke up when she started going out almost every night with her friend. In most cases, I would agree that that line is just some BS to hide the truth...since women can't be trusted...ever...but seriously though...you have your exceptions...few and far between...
Author Torn_apart Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 That was shockingly like something I went through 5 years ago, almost every detail the same. The only difference is we started our relationship almost immediately after her breakup with her ex of 4 years. Yes in hindsight that was a bad call. She was a little more upfront with her desire to go back to the ex (which she did and of course it failed) but other than that the same damn thing... So I know how you feel. I was very very angry at her for doing what she did to me. I said some mean things to try and balance out the mean things she did to me. I didn't speak to her for many years. Fast forward 5 years and we actually debriefed that time period and the breakup. Did she mean it when she said she loved me? Well based on the discussion I would say that yes she did, although she might not have had a great grasp of the concept at the time obviously. So I think your girl probably did say what she felt and wasnt being deceitful, but maybe chose the wrong words to use. The avoidance is a cheap and unfair way to end a relationship. It is immature and I hope for her sake she is quite young so that at least some semblance of an excuse can be made for her. It is akin to breaking up in Facebook which apparently is a new trend.... If you do care about her and maybe think that the timing was bad and you see a faint possibility that later in life you would give it another go I would simply say to her that you care a lot for her, that what she did was completely inappropriate and hurt you more than was necessary. And that's it. Skip the saying the mean things like I should have. You never know what can happen after some time has passed. Either way it sucks, you were treated unfairly and karma will have its day with her dont worry. In the meantime, no contact and heal. At least it wasnt a few years that you lost, if there is a bright side.... Thanks billy, i can honestly say that i feel no hatred for her, I loved her and still do. What hurt me the most was not that she had a change of hearts but how she handled the entire matter. The girl i fell in love with was a honest and truthful person, I am appalled by her deceit in this respect. I trusted her but she betrayed that trust, I do not know if i can ever trust her again but who knows what the future may bring. Until then i will move on.
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