Ex-girlfriend

[counterman]

Hi everyone,

 

I've been reading some of the threads and I believe in the no-contact rule but there's something that doesn't feel right. Here's my situation;

 

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me 6 months ago and it was over the phone. It wasn't a mutual one and it was pretty rough. I made a few mistakes soon afterwards by calling her and she also called me a few times but then I said we can't go on like this if I still have these feelings, so we can't be friends now. She totally flipped out. A month had passed and there were a couple of accidental meetings i.e. on the train and at uni but besides that i stuck the the no-contact rule for about a month until it was her birthday. I gave her a card and present and she called me later that night but we didn't talk for long and she also told me she didn't invite me to her birthday. I made another mistake by sending her a long email, which she replied to a week later. So, I waited for about a month before replying back to her email and then it stopped from there. I sent an accidental text messages to her in which she replied but it was trivial.

 

i was her first and we were both new at this so should i suck it up and talk to her first or just keep the no-contact thing going?

 

Anyways, I haven't had contact with her in yarns but I've noticed something from what's been happening around me and other friends. There was this guy in high school that use to jerk me around when it came to my ex-girlfriend. This was the stage where my ex and i were just starting but keeping it a secret. Anywho, this guy would deliberated flirt with my ex at school right in front of me and tease her and she would respond but she always responded with a bit laughter or tongue sticking out and etc. But I played it cool and just let it roll off me. During that time she has brought up his name out of nowhere a few times when we spoke but I ignored it. Now, I wasn't really worried about this guy. He was sorta a friend but not close if you know what i mean. My ex and i once said to each other that we would never date each other's friends and that she was capable of meeting new people. That's my philosophy, i'll never date a friends' ex. Speaking about the moment now, my ex and this guy had a spark going at a friend's dinner and i'm almost certain they are starting a secret relationship. Now i usually wouldnt' give a **** but knowing the nature of this guy and feeling a bit pissed off that my ex could sink so low, i don't know what the hell i would do if i ever see them together. all the things she said about not being attracted to anyone but me and all these other crap, yeah it's really frustating but this is happening right in front of my nose. it definitely won't last if they get together but yeah, i don't know what i cared so much. this guy has had a history of doing **** like this and he has done it to be a few times befor, even telling me to **** off once when he was pursuing a girl who i was friends with.

 

i don't know, maybe i don't want this guy to get the better of me? i do definitely still have feelings for my ex but know im not too keen on getting back with her. but this really annoys me and i don't know what to do. any advice would be really helpful!

 

Roger

[GrayClouds]

I may have missed something but here goes:

 

1. NC, focus on yourself

 

2. The guy shiiity friend before, so what he does should not surprise you, get better people to call your friends

 

3. The girl what she does or who she does, does not matter becouse your doing item #1

 

 

good luck

[counterman]

Thanks for your reply,

 

You're right. I have been focusing on myself before this latest news and I've been feeling pretty good and being making heaps of progress with my confidence. I even dress differently now and am more energetic.

 

I know it shouldn't matter who she is dating but it just annoys me when i remember the things she said and how contradictory they are. It's so screwed up and this guy, who is definitely not my friend now, I have no idea what I would do to him if i see him. especially if it's together with her. it bugs me because it gets all political when my other friends get involved and if others curry in favour for him. i still think she blames me for a lot of things that went wrong and i've accept a lot of the responsibility. she hasn't apologised for anything. she use to always be angry with me for god knows what but when we broke up she says she wants to be with me but cant. wtf is that?

 

I've always been the bigger man and smile and laugh it off when he tries to get under my skin but any advice on what i should say if i should (which is most likely) bump into them at a friends party?

 

and also some of my friends have got back together with her exs and it worked out pretty alright. under what circumstances is it alright to get back with your ex? i would say if she contacts me and apologises and leaves herself vulnerable.then maybe but it's still unlikely.

 

yeah, it's all really messed up and just ***ed

 

i might also add that i did put heaps of pressure on her when i was insecure and upset at times and it seem to take its toll since she resents me more than anything now. i do feel sorry for what i have put her through but than again now that i look back i don't think she was that into me. but she did definitely love me. i don't really feel any ill will towards her or anything just i think she was expecting me to constantly contact her and go after her but i didn't and i reckon that shocked her heaps. do you think i should just break the NC rule and tell her how i feel? i mean part of it was my fault, i think if i wasn't so needy and desperate at times then there would have been so much less pressure on her on trying to keep my confidence up. i know she wasnt meant to do that but it seemed that way. in a way, the breakup helped me rediscover myself and build confidence and pamper myself, but i wished this happened without the break up cause i loved her and she loved me (having endured my crying for half a year). no one wants a needy person right? i dont feel needy or anything now, just yeah . what do you think i should do? she'll be the type to bottle things up and not talk to anyone about this,

Edited December 5, 2009 by counterman
more info

[GrayClouds]

and also some of my friends have got back together with her exs and it worked out pretty alright. under what circumstances is it alright to get back with your ex? i would say if she contacts me and apologises and leaves herself vulnerable.then maybe but it's still unlikely.

 

 

When you see them show them your dignity and class but understand they are perfect for each other both hypocritical types that would date each others "friends". The girl would flirt in front of you roather then just telling this guy that she does not like her relationship disrespected. You deserve better.

 

What circumstances? When you both understand the mistake you made and is will to work very hard to improve on them.

 

It does not matter what she says- what is her actions.

 

Without her you made great imporvemnt on yourself, why would you wnat to go backwards? She is the old you, say good buy to the old you now find someone who cares and repsects the new you.

[counterman]

yeah, i will definitely try to do that as i have done so before but i can just see the smugness on his face and that smirk. she seems to respond to his teasing really easily and she probably did try to not respond to it in front of me but she didn't want anyone to know about us during that time because it was to be her first relationship and she wasn't comfortable set so by telling that guy she didnt like her relationship disrespected she wouldve revealed our secret but i agree that there were other ways she could have handled it. maybe they do deserve each other but i know him well and i know her well.

 

one thing i would say is it would extremely hard for her (knowing her nature) to come to me and admit her mistakes and offer to work together with me. she has rarely said sorry to anything and when we argued it was more about winning and stuff. i think that would be the acid test if she manages to admit to her mistakes; i would definitely have her back then but LOL knowing her so well, she wouldn't. too much pride there, it's like a sign of weakness. in saying that, i put a lot of strain on the relationship as well and i was very messed up and that showed in her performance in studies and her happiness, should i contact her and attempt a reconciliation?

 

it shouldn't matter what she does but i don't know, i just can't help but think about it. i have been doing so well, true, and no-contact is pretty easy to maintain. before, it was hard when i use to reminsce and feel very lonely. but we were so good together you know? she was going to introduce me to her parents and we were gonna move into each other's houses and she saw me as we long term solutoin even describing me as her probable husband but yeah, life isn't as always according to plan. i've always been the bigger guy and man up and admit to my wrongs and take responsibly when needed, should i do it again now?

 

you're right, i shouldnt go backwards but i feel that there isnt closure on this matter. it was sorta like we break up and that's it.everything done and dusted. meanwhile, she's resenting me like no tomorrow. but you see, that is her. she is quick temptered and we have tried working on that and it just blew up towards the end of the relationship. it's funny, one week prior to the break up we were doing so well and then i leave her a couple of days to give her some space and bam, she breaks up with me. i don't know. i think she secretly wanted me to fight for her or come back a better man but a part of her wanted me to just disappear because it was too much for her. but yeah, i believed everything she said when we were together and i never lied or anything to her but it's really hypocritical if she doesnt follow through with what she told me when we were together.

 

thanks for your advice grayclouds; it makes me feel even better knowing that my improvements have been acknowledged.

 

i can be happy without her and it's not that hard BUT she didn't understand that i WANTED her badly not NEEDED, yes, i probably came out as a needy, clingy guy at moments but i feel so good about myself now and i think that's what the NC does for you BUT she's still there - maybe i need more time? i don't know but it's holiday seasons and it's driving me a little nuts.

 

from what i gathered, i know she does miss me heaps because she didnt use to go on msn at all because we use to talk on the phone and hang out. and now she's on it heaps and heaps, and she is probably flirting with the shiiity friend but hey, i don't care. i just wish she would stop doing this to herself and get over her damn pride. it's gonna be too late before she realises and i know she will== not being arrogant or anything but ive known this girl for way too long. she probably still thinks i'm the same depressed dude as i was right after the break up but fat chance. she'll be surprised when she sees me for the first time in a long while.

 

im feeling pretty good now actually and i can keep the NC thing going until i forget about her but yeah,

 

any more tips gathered from what you just read?

[GrayClouds]

NC is that no contact, that MSM, facebook, mu space ect, ect, ect.

 

Your looking for closure, your never going to get it. That is why it is called love not logic. it never really make sense specially when it ends.

 

For every person on this board it was really good when they was with their ex that is why it is hard to let go but the only way to move forward is by letting go.

 

We are all needy at times people who cares for us put up with it does not use it against us. And if she was already flirting with other guys that put separation between you and her which would make anyone react and appear clingy. You did not do anything wrong , stop blaming yourself.

 

Keep doing the work your doing on yourself.

 

Read or reread these to keep you motivated:

 

The No Contact Guide

So you want a second chance?

[counterman]

thanks for those links, they are really motivating!

 

ill stick with NC no matter what, even though i feel pretty weird right now and am still awake when im meant to be sleeping.

 

my desperation came from feeling that she didnt feel the same about me. there was just no spark there and she acknowledged that but said she still loved me. i do deserve a lot better though. but i still take a bit of responsibility. it would have taken a lot of effort to make this work. i was up for it and she wasnt with all else going on in her life.

 

ive left her on my msn contact list and the the dude, should i delete them? or block and delete them? i mean, she has seen me online and she would probably know if i delete her or not, so she might take that as some sort of victory and i probably just gave her power because it seems like i can't take it anymore. should i just leave it therE?

Edited December 5, 2009 by counterman

[GrayClouds]

ive left her on my msn contact list and the the dude, should i delete them? or block and delete them? i mean, she has seen me online and she would probably know if i delete her or not, so she might take that as some sort of victory and i probably just gave her power because it seems like i can't take it anymore. should i just leave it therE?

 

 

Delete them. It about doing what is good for you and you alone. Being kind to yourself and giving yourself the respect.

 

Your giving her no power your taking it by again doing what is right for you. It does not matter anymore what she does or does not feel (if she feels like it is a victory it just shows how petty she is.)

 

And if the same chance she does try to contact you and ask why you did what you did know that its she is doing ti for her ego not your benefit. Keep NC. Again reread those two link every day for now and do what they say, it will help a lot. There is up and downs couple steps forward and another back that is how it goes but know your going in the right direction. You are headed to what you deserve someone who love you and respects you ...YOU.

Edited December 5, 2009 by GrayClouds

[counterman]

okay, i just blocked and deleted her and it felts so good.

 

i have read those two posts and it's empowering me even more. you have made me feel so much better about all of this.

 

thanks so much grayclouds. i feel my head clearing up already. like something has been opened and im thinking with so much clarity.

 

i have taken up regular sport and also am doing the occassional jog. also, i've played computer games, which ihaven't ventured much into before and i've watched shows that i like. i've eaten well and now just getting the sleep back together. been hanging out with friends a bit and i think i'll do that a lot more now. there's people i havent seen in ages, maybe i should hang out with them? though, one thing i may ask, there were a few girls who are my friends who have told me they liked me but i told them i wasnt ready back then and didn't really feel the same. should i go hang out with them as friends as well or just others?

 

also, if she calls, do i answer? or just NC all the way? i know NC means NO CONTACT at all but like, what if she has something important to say? sorry if i'm being a little silly.

 

also, things that remind me of her..i've destroyed some of them and kept some. the ones i kept, can i just hide it and never access it? cause they are kind of hard to replace, regardless of the sentiment attached

Edited December 5, 2009 by counterman

[GrayClouds]

okay, i just blocked and deleted her and it felts so good.

 

i have read those two posts and it's empowering me even more. you have made me feel so much better about all of this.

 

thanks so much grayclouds. i feel my head clearing up already. like something has been opened and im thinking with so much clarity.

 

i have taken up regular sport and also am doing the occassional jog. also, i've played computer games, which ihaven't ventured much into before and i've watched shows that i like. i've eaten well and now just getting the sleep back together. been hanging out with friends a bit and i think i'll do that a lot more now. there's people i havent seen in ages, maybe i should hang out with them? though, one thing i may ask, there were a few girls who are my friends who have told me they liked me but i told them i wasnt ready back then and didn't really feel the same. should i go hang out with them as friends as well or just others?

 

Yes go find old friend and get acquainted. As far as girls in groups great with other friends, stay away form romantic crap for a while. Your still holding feelings for you EX so it would not be fair for them plus it will just distract you from the pain. And if then if that relationship goes bad it hits twice as hard. What you are learning now is much more important, they will be there when your really ready and you will know it.

 

also, if she calls, do i answer? or just NC all the way? i know NC means NO CONTACT at all but like, what if she has something important to say? sorry if i'm being a little silly.

 

She has nothing important to say, she already said it "She does not want a relationship with you anymore". After that nothing important to say. It will just be a head game with her fishing for ego stroke or guild release. IF she want to get back with you you will know but again why would you want to....You already become a better you, better then the relationship you had with her.

 

also, things that remind me of her..i've destroyed some of them and kept some. the ones i kept, can i just hide it and never access it? cause they are kind of hard to replace, regardless of the sentiment attached

 

Hide put away, in 5 years pull them out and have a good laugh that you actually had feelings for this women

 

 

Read the whole thread when you have time with both those links, it helpful. Mom was right, just keep getting out being with people, exercise, eat well, and trying new things.

 

Now get some sleep, you lucky bastard you got a great new life ahead of you!

[counterman]

I feel great now! Can't thank you enough and I will definitely come around to reading those two links when I have the time.

 

I may have exaggerated a little with my ex and gave off an image that wasnt entirely her. Funny thing is, despite my pain, I still held her in a sorta high regard. It was always hard for me to get angry at her or blame her. but now, the way you've put it, i just feel so awesome about this and everything LOL so, thanks for that

 

yeah, i'm pretty lucky i'm figuring this out all now before it dragged on for even longer. it's good to know i've been some things right,

 

i won't be dating in a while but should a girl expresses interest and i'm not ready, should i just tell them something like "i'm not ready for a serious relationship now"? don't want to lead anyone on.

 

btw, if she did want to get back with me, she would have a hell of a time finding me first cause if im going strong with this nc thing, why ruin it? though, in all honesty, this was our first relationship and we both made mistakes. if she does admit to her mistakes and apologises and vows to work on things as long as it takes then maybe just maybe, but yeah like i said that's the acid test, and i dont think itll happen anytime soon.

 

thing i took out of the relationship is i did put a lot of effort and heart into and i was willing to go through pain if i reaped a happy relationship in the end but it didnt work out that way. its rare that all first relationships do with everything so new. but i was the best person i could be towards her and, most importantly, i was myself but not as great as a self as i feel now. im getting probably even better then the person i was before all this mess. it might take a few bad relationships to know what you really had but it might be too late for her then though i should say that, knowing her really well, if she does contact me and just admit to her faults then that would be a massive massive step, it'll be a miracle LOL

 

anyways, that doesn't matter now. what matters is im feeling great!

 

thanks again grayclouds

[GrayClouds]

though i should say that, knowing her really well, if she does contact me and just admit to her faults then that would be a massive massive step,

 

No it would be nothing, it would just be words. If she called and told she is in theraopy trying to understnd how she could beavoir so poorly to some who she care about, that she is working through soem really good self help books, that she is staying out of relationships until she understands herself better, THEN that would be a masssive step forward.

 

Always remember words can say anything, actions define the person.

 

Part of NC is learning about yourself and learn to trusting what is right for you, not putting up with less then what you deserve. So as far as everything else be kind to yourself and others and when it right you will know it.

[ADF]

You need to let this go. NO MORE CONTACT WAHTSOEVER. Frankly, while you have every right to honor your rule about not dating friends' ex's, you cannot impose your rule on others. You ex and this guy can do as they please. They sound like pretty scheming, devious people. You're well rid of them.

[counterman]

you're right. i had trusted her word over my intuition and this is where it has landed me. i should have broken up with her long ago but i loved and cared heaps. but yeah that's over now.

 

shes usually secretive and keeps these personal things to herself whilst that dude is definitely a sneaky bastard who does stuff behind people's backs and has been known to mess up relationships. so yeah i am better off without them and i do deserve better. that guy has a personality that lulls people into a trust but i know what he is and im better off without him as a friend.

 

as future reference, as i am a friend my some of my ex's friends, should i go to their birthday parties (if invited)?

[GrayClouds]

you're right. i had trusted her word over my intuition and this is where it has landed me. i should have broken up with her long ago but i loved and cared heaps. but yeah that's over now.

 

shes usually secretive and keeps these personal things to herself whilst that dude is definitely a sneaky bastard who does stuff behind people's backs and has been known to mess up relationships. so yeah i am better off without them and i do deserve better. that guy has a personality that lulls people into a trust but i know what he is and im better off without him as a friend.

 

as future reference, as i am a friend my some of my ex's friends, should i go to their birthday parties (if invited)?

 

If invited and you want to but I would stay around long becouse your way to busy of a person. wink, wink.

[counterman]

yeah, probably wouldnt want to stay around too long anyways.

 

i was wondering are reasons to breakup such as to focus on career and studies a valid one? say if the person is really struggling to come to terms with their new job or with their studies and its really stressful, would it be alright to end it cause of that? does it depend whether the person is happy or sad in the relationship?

 

if you think that your love for someone is more than their love for you, wouldnt it seem to them that you want more out of the relationship, where as they dont feel they want that? like you have a greater attachment and put a lot more effort but the person seems to think their current effort is enough and that you should contend with it and not puruse more. for me, it wasnt as fulfilling as it would have been if we had both put our best foot forward.

 

i think actions do speak louder than words and i may have listened to too many words and hoped for something better in the future. i think she blames me for putting a lot of pressure on her but i dont think she knows how much i was hurting just trying to make things work. i have acknowledged that i contributed to her stress but she has never said anything about how she has contributed to my wellbeing.

 

is being content with having someone in your life enough for you two to be together? it seemed that i wanted more time together and wanted to move forward as my desires grew but she wanted to keep me there until she wanted to keep me there for the long term but not do anything about it in the short term.

 

i think if she did really feel for me as much as i did for her a lot of things would have been done in person. i feel that i have sacrificed a lot and reogranised my time to spend it with her but she couldnt spare an extra 5 or 10 minutes in her day to talk me. if you love someone, would you push to work on things even if youre under pressure from your career or studies? or would you let go? i wanted to work on things but i dont if she did. she was scared the relationship would continue the way it is and there would be no hope for the other aspects in her life.

 

i think a lot of our issues came from the fact that my attachment was deeper than hers and ive always had that her feelings for me were portrayed more in words rather than actions. she was always really conscious of what other people saw when it came to us so it was hard to be affectionate at times because i would get a mouth full. sometimes when i tease her a little, i would get a reprimand. i trusted her words and thought my insecurities and doubt laid with me only and it was all in my head. was it?

 

i think the situation now has validated that maybe she didnt love me as much as she said, though i can never be sure. and i dont think she was ever completely happy with me and our moments. i think it was hard for her to acknowledge me when others were around and maybe there was a bit of shame in her attitude to me when others were around or maybe it was just shyness. i just know for sure that i there was effort involved whereas it came naturally with me. i didnt mind having her around regardless who i was around.

 

i was so confident back then (and im getting back to there and even more i think) but i let this relationship break that down slowly. she fell for me when i was at my peak but dont think she wanted this as much as i did. there we so many words spoken and i was taking them in like a sucker, but i loved her and believed her.

 

sometimes i think my little efforts to spark our relationship had gone unnoticed. if she really, really wanted me then we would be together now yeah?

 

the way it ended, even the last few moments we were technically together, showed to me the way it always was. i had this drive to grow in this relationship and to doit together whereas she probably just wanted someone there to have fun with when her she felt like it.

 

this is just honest reflections. i think i took on the bulk (if not all) of the mistakes and responsibilies before, but now, feeling the way i am, i see things as they i think they truly are.

 

in regards to the parties, if she comes up and talks to me, what should i do? just be polite and come up with an excuse to talk to someone else? before i wanted to go to them to show her what she could have had and will never get, but now i dont think i care. maybe a bit of me still wants to shock her and prove a point that i am happy with myself and the way things are. but mostly, reasons to go to the party will be if i feel like it or not. if she is with the other guy then my presence would surely make it awkward for everyone but i can still have fun and i spose that would ease it. but knowing myself, i would never make a situation awkward should i be able to stop it.

 

promises are hard to keep sometimes and i guess thats where words appear to be just that. i dont hold them against her just trying to understand why she keeps her promises to everyone else and she couldn tkeep them with me. these arent promises to be together or anything. it was mind boggling at a stage but i think i was in denial. i think it all comes back to that attachment thing. what do you think?

 

this was more moment of reflection than moping around and sulking. im actually feeling very good at the moment but would like to continue my learning and self improvmen, thus the deep thought.

[GrayClouds]

 

in regards to the parties, if she comes up and talks to me, what should i do? just be polite and come up with an excuse to talk to someone else? before i wanted to go to them to show her what she could have had and will never get, but now i dont think i care. maybe a bit of me still wants to shock her and prove a point that i am happy with myself and the way things are. but mostly, reasons to go to the party will be if i feel like it or not. if she is with the other guy then my presence would surely make it awkward for everyone but i can still have fun and i spose that would ease it. but knowing myself, i would never make a situation awkward should i be able to stop it.

 

Your focus is still too much on her ,tring to impress her, trying to illicit feelings from her; envy, regret, sprise ect and if that is why you going to these parties DONT for now until you get your mind solid. It will not turn out how you want, likely you will be the one hurting. The foucs is on you now

 

If you do go show a smile, show dignity, make it short, "Hi, have a good night, I got to find Billy-Bob and Bobby Jo" and then go talk to silly kids from the Appalachian hills about moonshine.

 

i think it all comes back to that attachment thing. what do you think?.

 

Here is what I think, from the beginning, she was never 100% in the relationship with you. Yes I know, OUCH, but dont take it personal. And as time passed a part you started to sensing that so subconsciously you started question it with your words and actions, when you did she used that as reasons to believe her doubts. She was always looking for a reason from the beginning and no matter how hard you try one person can not make a relationship. You wanted more, something compete and authentic.

 

She could not give that to you (here comes the noe personal stuff) or anyone else. Awill not be able to for a long time until she understands what it is inside her that holds her back. She could never explain this because at this point she does not understand what she is doing. Part of being young, likely divorced parents or some other abandonemnt issue, or some abuse. Which is why she is not with your ex friend because he does not want anything more then a surface relationship, he too simply does not have the depth to really care. It is sad but that is her's to deal with while now your focus is on you.

 

In short your a deep guy, she is not a deep girl, she was drawn to your depth but then got scared. Now go get happy and then find a deep girl.

 

 

PS keep your deep thought shorter, I have ADD and kills me to have to read those long post:laugh:

[counterman]

i agree with you about the parties. i think a part of me does want to impress her not necessarily attract but to show her what shes missing. if i there is the slightest sign that im going to those parties for that reason then i still STOP myself from going definitely. i will continue to focus on myself. haha, where are the the Appalachian hills? =p

 

thats what i thought from the start. she said she did have doubts at the start but she kept telling me she was 100% on this later on. though, i knew she wasnt and felt she had heaps of doubts that grew and grew. which (even though i tried to stop them) made my insecurities even greater. so thats that.

 

i think this young love thing is true. ive always been someone who knows for certain what he wants and i understand my feelings so well (at least i would like to think i do). i thought she was like me in that regard. it didnt turn out to be. we waited for a while before this relationship had begun but yes there was always something holding her back. truthfully, it was driving me away. she said that she wanted a long-term relationship and had once confessed to me that maybe she shouldnt be dating me now but rather dating me when she was more settled with a job. we both probably thought a bit too far and she was probably scared of how deep i was. she wanted someone to hold for the future (when maybe she would understand things better) and i wanted an authentic relationship now leading into the future. different things. if she wasnt 100% with me, no matter what i do she wouldnt have been 100% later i bet. when i wanted to speak about the issues she saw them as "problems" i had with the relationship (and with her) not something we had together.

 

my ex-friend, well hes very manipulative and what she does with him (or doesnt) doesnt matter to me anymore. she will grow from any experience. i cant push my rules onto anyone.

 

focusing on myself has done wonders to me. my mind just feels more resolved and clearer and theres just this greater understanding of things thanks to this experience. i havent met a deep girl yet, how would i know if/when i find one?

 

a few friends of mine have said that i have changed and been a wonder to be around (not entirely in those words) =]

 

thanks for reading my overly long posts! i tried to keep this one short but it ended up longish. .but shorter than the previous! thanks so much

[Torn_apart]

I am glad that you are taking this so positively, gives the rest of us a glimmer of hope that we too, will be out of the pits eventually.

[almostpassedit]

dude i only read a couple paragraphs of your text but who the hell cares?

man i was like you, my ex told me to fawk off, i was devistated

 

i threw away life, money, business, became depressed and emerged two years later...

 

sure in the end she won, i lost, but i got in a few jabs in (in the end we were fighting for power) before she just hit me with figuratively speaking tire iron but man, i spent so much time pining, i feel like a fool for it, like what your doing now...

 

everyone told me what was happening but i just couldn't believe it, for the love of god, i could not believe it, waking up every morning, looking to the left of me, no one there in my bed, going outside, talking to myself, really talking to her, she was in my head, this went on for almost 1 year and i moved back home, then i started to move on, that was 8 months ago and now, i don't give a fawk.

 

i feel like such a fool now, a stupid fool, she hasn't even contacted me, that sort of burns, but whatever, thats life, and everyone splits up so as a point of reference, i am 25.

 

fist girlfriend at 16, she has a master's degree now, 1 kid.

second girlfriend at 18 or 19, she's a case worker, graduated college.

third girlfriend at 22, loved her to death, she broke me and messed me up in the head (the one i told you about)

 

few rebounds

fourth girlfriend at 25, lasted 6 months. she's a para legal...

i don't think about any of them really or what they are doing or whom they are doing it with, i can careless honestly.

 

i seen the first one, not to long ago, she said i was the happiest she has ever been.

second one, still loved me too

thirdone, she cheated on me, haven't contacted me since, that one broke my heart and messed up my head at a time when i was excelling in life.

fourth one, she was a go-getter, i didn't want her though, she befriended my sister.

 

i guess my point i am trtying to say is your YOUNG and who gives a fawk.

go out there and find a new one. stop posting on this site about non sense.

Edited December 6, 2009 by almostpassedit

[counterman]

Torn_apart, ive been trying to take it positively from the start but it was a real battle. this site has helped somewhat over the passed few days and yes we will all eventually get out of this.

 

almostpassedit, i cannot say that it didnt hurt me a little bit when you said i posted about nonsense but i know where youre coming from. you dont want me to fall into that same path and feel foolish at the end of it. im someone who usually lets go of things really quickly so nothing really bothers me but this was something new and even when i tried to shrug it off and say who cares i was reminded of how i really felt when something reminds me of what happened. i know it might seem like i still care through my posts but honestly its just trying to gain a perspective on things and understanding myself better. before posting on this site i was in the midst of thinking about contactig her BUT luckily (and by much i should say) i was swayed to post here. and it has helped just letting my thoughts out and not having to thing about them once they are out. and i love your attitute and i will get to the stage where i can honestly say "who cares" without feeling that i do care.

 

as far as getting a new one goes, over the half year period i have met that i would find attractive and may have an interest in but there was this feeling of attachment in my mind and i just wasnt ready. having some clarity in my mind and getting my head straight was difficult but i know that someone for me will just be around the corner so im not really worried about that. just taking things slowly and enjoying myself. hearing your experiences makes me thing that i dont want to feel the way i did again after any relationship but in saying that, i will experience a whole lot more and if i learn to deal with it now, next time ill know how to approach it better rather than letting it affect me that badly.

 

take heart that this is not messing me up and im not dwelling on the experiences.

 

haha youre right, i am young and who gives a ****. ill be set to go next year =]

[counterman]

Just to update, I'm doing really well. Work has been terrific and I'm finding performing with an intensity I never thought I would. I've been enjoying many laughs with my family and the regular exercise it just keeping me in shape and full of energy.

 

As for my ex, I must admit I still think about her but there's not really any pain associated with the thought or any longing. It's just a thought. Though, I've found myself thinking about other girls more and I don't know whether to ask one of them out or to just keep it as it is. So, what do you think? There are three of them and I feel really excited about the prospect of dating again but I'm not sure if I'm ready. Maybe casual dates? But, how would they feel that a date with me might not lead to anything long-term? AND, who should I ask out (if I decide to)??

[GrayClouds]

It i great to hear you doing well. In hihg school we would play this small hick school located in the middle of no where in football. They had a choach that wod run the same play until the other team would stop it. In this case a simple off-tackle run with the half back. They ran it 12 times straight because our my crappy team could not stop it. Next time they got the ball ttey rn it again another 12 times for a touchdown. The went on for the wole game. They only play they ran was that off-tackle. When ask the other teams coach said "If something is working , why do something else?"

 

I say the same thing for you, if somethings woking why do something else? Give it a bit more time, keep doing what your doing, the after holidays, then stat thiking about running a new play ...maybe a side line pass where you can bump into one of those cheerleaders

[counterman]

I enjoyed that particular football analogy. Makes a lot of sense to me. I think the reason why I'm thinking about doing something else it because I'm going for a change but maybe it is a bit too soon to think about that.

 

Today, one of my friends brought my ex's name up and I had a sinking feeling inside and my mood just went down. A lot of our friends thought we were a "cute" couple but I didn't pay much heed to what they think. Even until now, I am still reminded by something like "what happened? you two were such a cute couple". So, I guess I'm not ready to make a change into the dating scenery for now anyways. I was considering maybe hanging out with some of those girls without really dating, if you know what I mean. They might take it as a date though.

 

I'll definitely keep doing what I'm doing for now and go for something new when I feel that I'm completely ready. I know I still have a long way to go but it's getting better as time goes on.

[counterman]

I had a dream about my ex. A bunch of friends and I were at her birthday party or a social gathering but I was not part of the group. She was talking to them and reminiscing about funny or happy moments. Afterwards, maybe when the party was over, someone sat next to me and I asked "did she mention me?". He gave me an answer but it was so muffled that I couldn't make it out. Then, when I woke up, I felt this intense longing. Trying to brush it off but been thinking about my ex recently.

 

Merry Christmas to everyone!