Torn_apart Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 She finally broke up with me after 6weeks of avoiding me, turns out that she developed feelings for her someone else. I had my suspicions before and asked her about it but she always assure me that they are just very good platonic friends. She said she felt guilty about it and will probably not tell him of her feelings. She is a commitment phobe and i had a really hard time convincing her to start accepting relationships. I don't want her to start crawling back into that shell i pulled her out of and so i started consoling her that its nobody's fault that things turned out this way and that she should at least discuss her feelings with him. I feel like a fool for doing that. I think a part of me died that day when she left me, it feels like i have a gaping hole in my chest. Everyday is a constant struggle to try and stop the memories in my head. Sleep started to avoid me despite my being extremely tired and when i do manage to get some shuteye, i wake up shortly afterwards in fear and this sense of profound loss. The dreams make it so much worse, i would dream of us doing things that we usually do, it felt comforting but when i woke up, the immediate thought that i can no longer do all those things with her leaves me wanting to die. When will this pain end? I have come to terms that i have probably lost her for good but it doesn't seem to alleviate the pain.
Kaya Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 So sorry for you pain Torn. There is great advice from the lovely people here on LS. We just have to go through this pain unfortunately. You sound like you did a lot for her, don't beat yourself or feel like a fool. It only shows that you are a caring person, but it's time to put yourself first now. To help with sleep, maybe try Melatonin, it really helped me and is non-addictive. Also, do you read before sleeping, helps to switch off those thoughts of the ex. Read something uplifting and positive. All the best to you.
Author Torn_apart Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 Thanks, I'll try reading to keep my mind occupied. I'm supposed to meet her tomorrow to pick up some stuff i left with her and i find myself dreading it. I'm afraid that I will feel worse than what i am going through now. Should I delay this meeting or should I get a friend to pick up the stuffs for me?
counterman Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 You should definitely keep your mind preoccupied. I had dreams for a month and it was so bad that I woke up in the middle of the night and could not get back to sleep almost everytime. Getting stuff back.. I don't know, I wouldn't contact her but yeah, maybe get a friend to. Not sure.
ann09 Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 I'm sorry. That's an awful feeling and I know it well.
rp123 Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Torn, so sad for you and the pain that you will now have to endure... Listen to all of the advice you find on LS, and be as gentle with yourself as you can. tighten the straps of your harness and get ready for the emotional ride of your life....
Author Torn_apart Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 Thanks for the replies, I am definitely going the N.C way. I have deleted every text message she sent, all the emails, the photos and even deleted her from IM. The only thing I haven't done is block her in facebook. I think deep down, I am afraid that she will find out and ruin any chance of reconciliation
GrayClouds Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 I have come to terms that i have probably lost her for good but it doesn't seem to alleviate the pain. No you have not come to terms...you would not have use the word probably.... But it will get better read the following and DO EVERYTHING they say, it will help you move on faster The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance? You do not see it now but she was not all that, you worked very hard in the realtionship to keep it going. In time you will find someone who will sork as hard as you and give you mutual love.
Author Torn_apart Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 No you have not come to terms...you would not have use the word probably.... But it will get better read the following and DO EVERYTHING they say, it will help you move on faster The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance? You do not see it now but she was not all that, you worked very hard in the realtionship to keep it going. In time you will find someone who will sork as hard as you and give you mutual love. Thanks GrayClouds, I feel a lot calmer now, guess i just needed someone else to confirm it for me. I think I'll go for that meeting tomorrow, no sense delaying the inevitable, might even give me the closure i need to convince myself this is truly over.
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