Author Scorpio13c Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Many people will take company from whoever they can because they cant be alone. Its a boost to the ego when you have someone hanging around you that is attracted to you...its a control thing. So no changing it around? I was not the pursuer in the beginng, I just respnded in kind.
boogieboy Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 So no changing it around? I was not the pursuer in the beginng, I just respnded in kind. No, because to do that it would take all kinds of cat and mouse games. Its a pain in the ass, and its a losing gamble. Someone names agentsmith has a thread where he succeeded with this. Check his thread out...its a long 14 page read.
Author Scorpio13c Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 No, because to do that it would take all kinds of cat and mouse games. Its a pain in the ass, and its a losing gamble. Someone names agentsmith has a thread where he succeeded with this. Check his thread out...its a long 14 page read. I read his thread, Screwed my up even more..
Pizzaman81 Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Uh Jehova's Witness. Don't go there, I tried, futile. She ended up marrying another Jehova's Witness. Do you know that the girl cannot be in a room with another man alone? Ya I don't know what to say....
Enema Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Women are weird. They think men want to hang out with them...
Null507 Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Wait before you give up hope there is one thing you could try. I had someone give me this advice and I need a guinea pig. it won't work for this party but afterwards go off grid for a while don't talk to her unless she talks to you first, and even then keep your statements and conversations brief. The goal is to hit the reset button on your entire realtionship you want to be her aquaintance first. right now you are her friend a totally asexual person to her, but if you can get her to stop thinking about you alltogether you might stand a chance of getting out of the friendzone.
D-Jam Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I think you guys are taking this way too personal and in a bitter/hateful fashion. Do women play games? Of course. Should men stand for it? No. What would I do if a woman said this is as "friends only"? Disconnect myself emotionally from it all and leave it alone. Friendzone her and go out. Treat her as a warm female body to have with you as an escort for the affair. Chat and be good to your friend, but bear in mind you do not have to be "faithful". So if this is a wedding or ball, and some single available hottie is checking you out, chat with her. If your friend gets mad at you for taking your attention off her, then put her in her place. Let her know you wouldn't care if she started chatting with guys...since this isn't a "date" according to her words. Say though you don't meet any eligible women though and it just becomes a fun night out with a friend. Anything can happen. She could get drunk and be pulling your clothes off later. She could end up changing her mind, and this night was simply her little "testing the waters" because she's one of those weirdos that's afraid to say "date" unless it's someone she's in deep lust for. Who cares? Just treat it as one night, and remember you do not owe her any deep loyalty because she's made it clear what your limits are. If nothing comes from it, then decide if you want to know her as a friend or not. If the answer is no, then cut contact and move on. Just vanish. Be polite if she contacts you or something, but don't let yourself become her "gal pal" that she bitches to about men and drags you out because she wants a male escort (or she doesn't get along with women). If the answer is yes to friendship, then set your limits, be a pal, and just leave it at that. Unless you're the type of guy who can go out and pick up women left and right, you might want to have that social capital. So she might not be into you...her hot friends might be into you. There's your ticket in. I find it funny how many men try to subjugate male/female relations to "dating and sex only or nothing", but then complain how they can't find a woman or even a decent woman. In my travels, hot women are hit with way more attention from the male species, but a lot of it are guys lying to get laid...so they have to be more cautious and careful. Like I said, if you're the type of guy who can honestly go out and pick up women easily, then launch the girl. If not, then you might have to wake up and realize social capital is a big help. I met my GF though a female friend. She introduced us because she thought I was such a catch that she wanted to find me Ms Right. A lot of people have met this way as well. Imagine when the hottie who didn't want you invites you to her house party and at first you think you'll be bored watching the woman you lusted after hanging with her man or men... ...but you show up and there's a pack of hot single gal pals, and they're asking your friend later about you and if you're single. It does happen.
christian6 Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I don't know if this has already been mentioned, but there's another similar thread, where the guy managed to get the girl who initially wanted him as friend to be his girlfriend, when he started ignoring her. I think it's by agent smith or someone.
carhill Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210965
Yukikazi Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I don't know if this has already been mentioned, but there's another similar thread, where the guy managed to get the girl who initially wanted him as friend to be his girlfriend, when he started ignoring her. I think it's by agent smith or someone. Yep.. In this case.. I would take her as a friend and proceed to flirt and hit on other women there.. She isn't your date.. she already said so. You have ZERO obligation to monitor, keep her happy etc.. If she starts whining about things.. just walk away and talk to another girl. If she objects to you paying attention to other women.. tell her you only have 1 type of attention to give at the moment and since she already stated you are just friends.. she has no logical argument to cockblock you. If she starts complaing about how she dosen't know anyone.. or make any comment about another guy.. immediately grab her wrist.. start leading her directly to that guy and introduce her to him... then walk away and go find another girl to talk to.
agentsmith Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 That's the statement I got tonight from her. She's coming to my Co. Christmas dinner next week.. Anyone ever get out of the Friend zone?? Tips so much appreciated!! Thanks in advance! Well, I managed to get out of friendzone. Turned out she liked me all along, but she had other issues which stopped her from wanting to be in a relationship at all. You might want to look at my thread, though it's extremely long.
Stockalone Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 What would I do if a woman said this is as "friends only"? Disconnect myself emotionally from it all and leave it alone. Friendzone her and go out. I can see why that would work for you. But it won't work for guys who can't easily switch from being into a woman and wanting to date her to friendzoning said woman and easily shifting interest to other women. And there is the aspect of pride. Not being seen as good enough to be the boyfriend might cause the guy to be reluctant to offer friendship then.
D-Jam Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I can see why that would work for you. But it won't work for guys who can't easily switch from being into a woman and wanting to date her to friendzoning said woman and easily shifting interest to other women. True...if you have a deep emotional lust for her, then you can't just go to "friends". HOWEVER, this is why men and even women need to learn to keep emotion in check. Don't fall in love with someone until they decide to date you and get close to you. I used to make that mistake, but I learned. Even with my GF she was way into me before I was into her. I was holding back because I wanted to get to know her better and see if she's a good woman or another psycho/flake. I was terrible in my past, but I learned and conditioned my brain and heart to be able to either FZ a girl who is FZing me, or cut her off and move on if I didn't see her as an ideal friend to have. And there is the aspect of pride. Not being seen as good enough to be the boyfriend might cause the guy to be reluctant to offer friendship then. This is also why I tell many guys who can't let it go to just cut ties and leave. Don't sit there feeling like crap when she finds a guy she wants. Just walk away initially and show her it's either dating you or nothing. Then go find a woman who doesn't put you in the FZ. However, if you're going to get all this pride going and think she passed up a good thing, then it shows you had to deep a connection from the start. You got too far ahead. And again, I used to do this. I learned you have to just treat them as people you meet. You'll think she's hot, interesting, but the lust doesn't really get strong until it's into dating. Trust me...getting too connected on one side too soon is a recipe for disaster. Love is a bridge, and you are only supposed to come halfway across and see if she comes the other half. Too many guys will go 99% of the way and are practically begging her to hop on that 1%.
Johnny M Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Actually, I had an extra ticket that would have gone unused...so two days before the Ball, I put up an announcement on Facebook for anyone who wanted to go...she said she'd like to go...I went 'oh...' <---this is a disappointed face...I said ok, that's cool, at least the ticket will be used...I hadn't seen her in years, so I figured it'd be cool to catch up...so it really wasn't that I asked her...just some willing body to take the ticket...lesson learned: never buy a second ticket... 1) I don't want more than friendship...honestly, I don't think I want friendship either...she's really lame... 2) No one would actually want to date me... Sorry for the confusion. Unless you were talking to OP. Then I feel silly explaining myself...but I've had a bit to drink tonight...so that's ok... Why would you go to the ball with someone you find "really lame" in the first place? You should have told her that somebody else already had first dibs on the ticket.
Author Scorpio13c Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Wait before you give up hope there is one thing you could try. I had someone give me this advice and I need a guinea pig. it won't work for this party but afterwards go off grid for a while don't talk to her unless she talks to you first, and even then keep your statements and conversations brief. The goal is to hit the reset button on your entire realtionship you want to be her aquaintance first. right now you are her friend a totally asexual person to her, but if you can get her to stop thinking about you alltogether you might stand a chance of getting out of the friendzone. Thanks, this seems like my only option at the moment..
Author Scorpio13c Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 True...if you have a deep emotional lust for her, then you can't just go to "friends". HOWEVER, this is why men and even women need to learn to keep emotion in check. Don't fall in love with someone until they decide to date you and get close to you. I used to make that mistake, but I learned. Even with my GF she was way into me before I was into her. I was holding back because I wanted to get to know her better and see if she's a good woman or another psycho/flake. I was terrible in my past, but I learned and conditioned my brain and heart to be able to either FZ a girl who is FZing me, or cut her off and move on if I didn't see her as an ideal friend to have. This is also why I tell many guys who can't let it go to just cut ties and leave. Don't sit there feeling like crap when she finds a guy she wants. Just walk away initially and show her it's either dating you or nothing. Then go find a woman who doesn't put you in the FZ. However, if you're going to get all this pride going and think she passed up a good thing, then it shows you had to deep a connection from the start. You got too far ahead. And again, I used to do this. I learned you have to just treat them as people you meet. You'll think she's hot, interesting, but the lust doesn't really get strong until it's into dating. Trust me...getting too connected on one side too soon is a recipe for disaster. Love is a bridge, and you are only supposed to come halfway across and see if she comes the other half. Too many guys will go 99% of the way and are practically begging her to hop on that 1%. Hey D-Jam, I thinks it's too late for me, I tried not to, but I did start to develop feelings for her, now I just feel sick...
D-Jam Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Hey D-Jam, I thinks it's too late for me, I tried not to, but I did start to develop feelings for her, now I just feel sick... It's ok. You're human. It's why I keep pointing out how I've done this in my past. Many have done it. My suggestion for you is simply to cut ties. Either go through the night and then leave it at that, or cancel the event with her and go alone or something.
Author Scorpio13c Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 It's ok. You're human. It's why I keep pointing out how I've done this in my past. Many have done it. My suggestion for you is simply to cut ties. Either go through the night and then leave it at that, or cancel the event with her and go alone or something. I don't feel cancelling is right, we've had this planned too long & I just feel it would make it look like i'm sulking in her eyes. Heck she may just cancel now anyway. I'll go through with it & then back way off, not that I was all too persuing to begin with..
Stockalone Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 (edited) HOWEVER, this is why men and even women need to learn to keep emotion in check. Don't fall in love with someone until they decide to date you and get close to you. What I have learned, is that holding back is not for me. I can keep my emotions in check, but I can't nor would I want to stop them from developing in the first place. Also, I need those emotions to even want to keep seeing a woman. I am an early investor, and without that emotional attachment, I really have no interest at all in pursuing a relationship. I've tried this whole dating without expectations, it wasn't me and I didn't like it at all. This is also why I tell many guys who can't let it go to just cut ties and leave. Don't sit there feeling like crap when she finds a guy she wants. Just walk away initially and show her it's either dating you or nothing. Then go find a woman who doesn't put you in the FZ. That is what I usually do. Being friends with women can be done of course, but for me, it requires a lot of effort and so far there has only been one exception where I worked very hard to control those feelings after being rejected, in order to keep the friendship. However, if you're going to get all this pride going and think she passed up a good thing, then it shows you had to deep a connection from the start. You got too far ahead. And again, I used to do this. I learned you have to just treat them as people you meet. You'll think she's hot, interesting, but the lust doesn't really get strong until it's into dating. This pride thing is actually not only present when it comes to a romantic relationship. Sometimes that is a good thing and other times, it comes back to bite me in the @ss. Trust me...getting too connected on one side too soon is a recipe for disaster. Love is a bridge, and you are only supposed to come halfway across and see if she comes the other half. Too many guys will go 99% of the way and are practically begging her to hop on that 1%. I will go the 99% if I think the woman is worth it and then wait for her to follow me back to a healthy medium. If she does, great! If she doesn't, I'll go back to my side and burn the bridge behind me. Edited December 7, 2009 by Stockalone
D-Jam Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I don't feel cancelling is right, we've had this planned too long & I just feel it would make it look like i'm sulking in her eyes. Heck she may just cancel now anyway. I'll go through with it & then back way off, not that I was all too persuing to begin with.. You never know though. This might just be her "testing the waters". If you're stuck, then go as a friend, be charming, fun, no pressure on yourself or her, and you never know...she might change her mind. Just have fun...that's the most important part.
Author Scorpio13c Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 You never know though. This might just be her "testing the waters". If you're stuck, then go as a friend, be charming, fun, no pressure on yourself or her, and you never know...she might change her mind. Just have fun...that's the most important part. Thanks D-Jam, That thought actually made me feel better for the first time since Friday, I just do want to get my hopes up then get them knocked down again.
Yukikazi Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Thanks D-Jam, That thought actually made me feel better for the first time since Friday, I just do want to get my hopes up then get them knocked down again. So don't.. just go as a friend.. hit on other women and if she comes around she comes around.. if not.. you still had fun and thats all that matters.
D-Jam Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I agree with Yukikazi. If this woman sees value in you as a potential then she'll show it. If she's going to believe you're not "worthy", then it's her loss, especially if her choices in men lead her to being single and angered at the male species.
phineas Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I learned you have to just treat them as people you meet. You'll think she's hot, interesting, but the lust doesn't really get strong until it's into dating. This is where I am now. It's actually a lot easier than I thought to do. Of course, i'm in the middle of a divorce due to infedelity so right now a female "friend" would have to literally show up at my door & jump me before I treated her any different than my male friends. Even though I don't want to date right now, I havn't turned gay so I do return calls & texts from the hot women who ask me every few weeks about the status of my divorce. I don't want to end up in their friendzone so i keep my private life private from them. I also ignore the fact their smoking hot & change the subject when I sense their fishing for compliments on their appearance to guage whether i'm attracted to them or not. In fact, I don't compliment them on their appearance at all & focus on them as a person & talk about common interests. I really don't hang out with these women much at all because I have my kids 5 days a week & I really like my alone time right now those other two days. Basically I keep actually hanging out with them to a minimum. It helps when having extra time & extra money don't happen in the same week. LOL! So I don't spend any time with these women at all yet some nights when i'm home alone enjoying my singleness I gotta juggle phone calls from them. I don't get it. I essentially friendzone them & they won't leave me alone?
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