Scorpio13c Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 That's the statement I got tonight from her. She's coming to my Co. Christmas dinner next week.. Anyone ever get out of the Friend zone?? Tips so much appreciated!! Thanks in advance!
boogieboy Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Cancel on her about an hour before you go, dont ever talk to her again after that. You cant get out of the friend zone.
SadandConfusedWA Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 This is the kiss of death. Any further effort put into this situation is futile.
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Perhaps I'm feeling mischievous today, but perhaps you can take her along to the party, pick up some other girl there (or pretend to and have a friend girl collude with you) and then tell your "friend" - hey friend, I'm going to hook up big time with this girl, here is money for a cab - you can find your own way home - right? Ok, ok - that would be a complete dick thing to do but it surely would be funny. In a mean way of course.
carhill Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Better yet, let her pay for her own cab home. Friends are self-sufficient
USMCHokie Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 This line actually pisses me off to no end...not because I'm friend-zoned...but because it is AWFULLY presumptious of her to say some crap like that... A friend of mine went with me to the Marine Corps Ball last month...someone I had no interest in...and she feeds me this line beforehand...I almost wanted to punch her in the throat...her saying that made her extremely unattractive to me...she is lame to begin with, and that just made her so much more lame... I can't stand that 'holier than thou' attitude from women...like they are that amazing and everyone wants to date them...uh...right...get off your own pedestal... Sorry, end rant.
carhill Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Bitter much? Hey, just be glad you don't have to live in or with their ego. Positive thinking
USMCHokie Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Bitter much? Oh, that goes without saying...I think I'm in my non-trusting, disgusted with all women phase...probably indefinitely...just sick of it all...
StalledGirl Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Your friend is just being honest but it's obvious that you aren't so why ask her to be your plus one? Unless you like feeling unwanted? If you really want more than friendship then it's time to distance yourself so 1)she realises she misses you as more than a friend or 2) You can focus on women who actually want to date you.
carhill Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 IMO, the best solution to the friendzone is a silence sandwich and conspicuously pursuing other women. Pisses their ego off on so many levels.
USMCHokie Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Your friend is just being honest but it's obvious that you aren't so why ask her to be your plus one? Unless you like feeling unwanted? If you really want more than friendship then it's time to distance yourself so 1)she realises she misses you as more than a friend or 2) You can focus on women who actually want to date you. Actually, I had an extra ticket that would have gone unused...so two days before the Ball, I put up an announcement on Facebook for anyone who wanted to go...she said she'd like to go...I went 'oh...' <---this is a disappointed face...I said ok, that's cool, at least the ticket will be used...I hadn't seen her in years, so I figured it'd be cool to catch up...so it really wasn't that I asked her...just some willing body to take the ticket...lesson learned: never buy a second ticket... 1) I don't want more than friendship...honestly, I don't think I want friendship either...she's really lame... 2) No one would actually want to date me... Sorry for the confusion. Unless you were talking to OP. Then I feel silly explaining myself...but I've had a bit to drink tonight...so that's ok...
freestyle Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Gonna play devil's advocate here............. ..........she may have had good intentions when she said that, it may have been her way of being honest and upfront with you, not wanting to mislead you. I can see how that could come across as offensive,(and disappointing) if your interest is more than platonic. However, if you were looking for more than friends, you should be upfront with her about that. What she did was make her boundaries clear, so there would be no mixed messages, or misunderstandings. I think that's actually very respectful. And much better than being 'strung along'.
carhill Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 she may have had good intentions when she said that, it may have been her way of being honest and upfront with you, not wanting to mislead you. I agree with this if she has otherwise been a supportive and loving friend, rather than a one-way receptacle for his attention. OP, what's your perspective on this? Perhaps she's waiting for you to move out
TheGuitarist Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 I haven't read any of the other responses so I'm sorry in advance if I'm restating something that someone else has already said. Now on to the advice. The thing with the friend zone is a lot of the time it just deals with initial attraction. We would all like to think that there is some magical formula to get out of the friend zone but in all actuality 98% of the time your stuck there. The other 2% involves you growing from a friend into a lover, but to do this you have to be careful about how you go about things. For one you can't act like one of her girlfriends and by this I mean, don't talk to her about other guys. If she is crying over a guy then don't say things like "You don't need him, you deserve better" because those are things that she has been hearing from her girlfriends all of her life and by you giving her similar advice just goes on to further solidify you as just a friend. Another is stop being there for her all the time. If your the type of guy that jumps every time she needs something then stop. Finally, TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL. Its not likely but maybe she thinks of you as more than a friend as well. Or even if she doesn't at least she will know your agenda. In conclusion, I honestly think if you have been friend zoned then its best just to move one. Because the friend zone is often a long draining experience that no one should have to face. You want her more and more the more you are with her. The more you are with her she thinks of you as more and more of a friend. If this goes on long term then she thinks of you as a good friend, in which case if she did become attracted to you she still wouldn't act upon it because good friends are very hard to find. She knows that most relationships don't last so she will not be willing to risk it.
Author Scorpio13c Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 I agree with this if she has otherwise been a supportive and loving friend, rather than a one-way receptacle for his attention. OP, what's your perspective on this? Perhaps she's waiting for you to move out Well, she was the one who chased me from the begining, when she found out I was single. She's always said as well, that she has to start off as friends. Another problem is, she's Jehovah's witness(practicing) i'm Catholic(non practicing). She's celibate 14 years now, but doesn't want to remain, but only if it is moral. However she has told me she went out with a guy from work that she was attracted to, but found out he had a girlfriend, so nothing transpired. The guy told her what he wanted to do with her in his truck & she seemed excited by it when she told me! Although she said nothing would have happened anyway because of her JW religion.. I'm not so sure about that. Btw Carhill, she doesn't have a problem with my being at home ) Unfortunately though, i've been developing feelings for her, which is why this is so hurtful to me...
boogieboy Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Well, she was the one who chased me from the begining, when she found out I was single. She's always said as well, that she has to start off as friends. Another problem is, she's Jehovah's witness(practicing) i'm Catholic(non practicing). She's celibate 14 years now, but doesn't want to remain, but only if it is moral. However she has told me she went out with a guy from work that she was attracted to, but found out he had a girlfriend, so nothing transpired. The guy told her what he wanted to do with her in his truck & she seemed excited by it when she told me! Although she said nothing would have happened anyway because of her JW religion.. I'm not so sure about that. Btw Carhill, she doesn't have a problem with my being at home ) Unfortunately though, i've been developing feelings for her, which is why this is so hurtful to me... So youre not going to listen to us and try anyway? Theres no other women for you to try to get while this one is reating you like a doormat? Dont listen to her talk about her dates, change the subject. When she calls, dont answer all the time She doesnt have a problem with you being at home because she isnt into you anymore.
Author Scorpio13c Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 So youre not going to listen to us and try anyway? Theres no other women for you to try to get while this one is reating you like a doormat? Dont listen to her talk about her dates, change the subject. When she calls, dont answer all the time She doesnt have a problem with you being at home because she isnt into you anymore. No I'm not going to try anymore & those dates(non dates in her words) were before she started with me. I am working on another woman now, but my feelings are just a little messed up..
boogieboy Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 No I'm not going to try anymore & those dates(non dates in her words) were before she started with me. I am working on another woman now, but my feelings are just a little messed up.. Be careful, if she notices you pull away, she might try to reel you in again.
ADF Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Ouch. That's just harsh. If she were so concerned about yor motives, why did she bother to agree to go at all? How rude.
Author Scorpio13c Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 Be careful, if she notices you pull away, she might try to reel you in again. Already happened, after last weeks kiss I attempted, I went no contact, she quickly started initiating, it's like all mixed signals!
Author Scorpio13c Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 Ouch. That's just harsh. If she were so concerned about yor motives, why did she bother to agree to go at all? How rude. I'd already told her she was coming with me, I never asked, she just agreed. Then last week I went for the kiss & got rigid lips...
boogieboy Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I'd already told her she was coming with me, I never asked, she just agreed. Then last week I went for the kiss & got rigid lips... Yeah shes using you for attention. Cut her off permanently. Dont even tell her youre going to cut her off, this one is a lost cause. You HAVE to cut her off so you can concentrate on the others. Otherwise you wont be able to focus.
Author Scorpio13c Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 Yeah shes using you for attention. Cut her off permanently. Dont even tell her youre going to cut her off, this one is a lost cause. You HAVE to cut her off so you can concentrate on the others. Otherwise you wont be able to focus. I just can't get around why she even bothers with me! All this for guitar lessons?? & why does she bother to agree to come to the Christmas dinner party? I just figure a attention -hore wouldn't put through the effort...
boogieboy Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I just can't get around why she even bothers with me! All this for guitar lessons?? & why does she bother to agree to come to the Christmas dinner party? I just figure a attention -hore wouldn't put through the effort... Many people will take company from whoever they can because they cant be alone. Its a boost to the ego when you have someone hanging around you that is attracted to you...its a control thing.
Sprig Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I agree with the other cut her off, being friend zoned and having feelings for her and hoping they will at some point will change will just lead to major problems.
Recommended Posts