ck1 Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 The officer that was down, is now trying to pick himslef up. I've made the decision to divorce my WW, but it was and still is the most difficult decision on my life. I gave her every available opportunity to end her affair and she has chosn not to. We both agree that this is what has to be done at this point. All trust and respect is gone on my side and she needs to find herself and what is important to her and her future. I still lover her (the woman i initially married) and this was the last thing I wanted to do. So now what? I find myself wanting to stop everything and fix the wrongs to make them right, but both of us know there is just too much pain and resentment on both ends to fix this now. We need a long break from another and let nature take its course. We are not cloing the door to a better tomorrow years down the road and still hope destiny will bring us back together. How do you put such strong emotions to the side and proceed with a divorce?
bentnotbroken Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 You don't' put them aside, you go through it in spite of the feelings. You feel in your heart this is right and she hasn't chosen to end the A, you must protect yourself from further betrayal. You wouldn't be human if you could turn your emotions off immediately.
SoulStorm Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 How do I move forward now? On day at a time. Stay busy. Exercise. Eat. sleep. If you can't eat, do protein shakes. Start doing things you like doing, hobbies, whatever. You can't stop the emotions, but you can control how they affect you. Keep posting. It's therapeutic.
stampdaddy Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 one of the best pieces of advice I was given years ago was to NOT focus on the "end" of this relationship, but the "beginning" of a new relationship, which of course, has to be developed. You are close to accepting that there is NO WAY that your current relationship with your cheating wife can survive, because it can not. Bit since you two have 2 beautiful children together, you will be connected, on pretty much a day to day basis for the next 20 plus years, so you WILL have a new relationship, just a different one, and from my experience, it WILL be better than any type of marriage you could ever have now... as other have said, dont focus on the "maybe one day we will be back together", because even though you are divorcing, you will be "together" anyways, because of your children. and you know, you KNOW, staying in this "marriage" will be NO GOOD for any of you.....
2.50 a gallon Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 ck1 Consider starting a thread on the Separation & Divorce board, there are many there who are in your shoes and can give you quality advice.
Myusername Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 My thoughts are with you during this hard time. You feelings will be strong and deep and you can't just push through it as fast as you would like, but you can make sure that even though you may not feel like getting up, out of bed, seeing friends etc, just make a point to find a few things you can do that give you momentary comfort, if only for a moment, and focus on what you want, for the future, regardless of your wife, ex wife, etc. You are probably making the best but hardest decision of your life. Bottom line, she chose to stay with the other man, and she did not put you first. Even if its temporary, being second best is not really ideal is it? So, find something good for you, a nice meal, a work out at the gym, reconnect with an old friend, post online and get it out, write a gratitude journal even tho u dont feel grateful, focus on one positive thing, to take your mind somewhere else momentarily..and unfortunately, you need to feel your pain and go through it, it sucks, but it is reality, your reality. So be good to you...and your kids, the other stuff will eventually work itself out over time, the way it should be. ((HUGS)) and hang in there lfmm
Author ck1 Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 Just wanted to say "Thank You" for all of your support, words of wisdom, and advise. This has been my outlet, along with family and close friends, and it means the world to me you all took the time to share your experiences. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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