mint_tea Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 I dated a guy for a couple months from March-May earlier this year. It wasn't long, but things moved VERY quickly. We spent all of our free time together and generally loved being around each other. I've never laughed with someone the way I did with him. Then, a week before he broke up with me, I stopped hearing from him. It was finals week, so I attributed it to that. Then he finally contacted me, saying that he had just found his friend who had attempted suicide. He broke up with me a few days later, saying he couldn't jump back into a relationship and that he just really wants to be alone right now. He insisted that I did nothing wrong. I was upset and hurt, and we both said some REALLY mean things to each other. I apologized a few days later, but he said he didn't want to talk to me anymore after what I said. The day after Thanksgiving, he emailed me via Facebook (I deleted him as a friend as soon as he broke up with me): "Hi [mint-tea], It's been quite a while. I thought in the spirit of the holidays (which I don't actually celebrate [he's British]) I would say hi to you. I hope everything is going ok with you and that you had a good day yesterday. I was thinking about you a few days ago, when it comes down to it I was pretty harsh on you and shouldn't have just completely cut you off so I apologize for that. Anyway it would be nice to hear from you but I understand if I don't. P.S. I'm guessing this is the [mint_tea] that I knew because I can't be completely certain that it is you in the bottom right of your picture." I said in response: "It's nice to hear from you, [ex's name]. How have you been?" Him: "Not too bad. I moved out of the house I was in and plan to move to [location near his house] in january with a couple of friends. I'm still going to [college] and I look at rocks more than ever. How have you been? Did you have a good thanksgiving?" Me: "I've been good. I moved out of the god-awful dorms and into an apartment in West Chester with my friend. I've mainly been busy with school. Thanksgiving was alright, I've been working here at home all week so I was stuck in the bakery. Hung out with my family then went to my friend's place. How is school? Oh and how's your cat?" Him: "School is going well. I've had a crap load of field trips this semester, that along with work has made me pretty busy this semester. I think the cat is ok but I haven't seen much of him since I moved out. Despite my best efforts [roommate #1] and [roommate #2] wouldn't let me take him with me." Me: "I gotcha. So where are you staying until you move into your new place?" Him: "That would be my darling parents. We actually just found a place that we plan to look at tomorrow though. Sounds like a pretty good deal." Me: "Cool, let me know how it goes." That was from Nov. 27-29. I haven't heard from him since then and I'm really sad. I really liked him and I got my hopes up when he contacted me. Why did he contact me in the first place? And what should I do, send another email? Let it go? He was perfect for me and I miss him so much!!
deux ex machina Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 I think he was wondering how you are doing, so he sent a friendly message. Since you still have romantic feelings for him, I don't think sending an e-mail would be right at this time. I could be wrong, but it seems to me that if he wanted to pursue that avenue with you - he knows you are friendly and he is welcome to do it. But he hasn't. If you didn't have any feelings for him beyond platonic ones, I would see no problem with you sending him a message, but I'm afraid that isn't the case here. However, if you feel you can handle not hearing from him at all, or hearing something you may not want to, then go for it. This is one of those things that could go either way, it's been awhile since you've been together.
dazzle22 Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Well, he essentially knocked on the door, again, you opened it, and then..he didn't step forward. You gave him a great opportunity and were friendly, and at least for now, he hasn't initiated. BTW, all that garbage about dying friend, whatever...smoke screen. Here is the thing with men. They ALWAYS want to move fast in a relationship. They ALWAYS want to have sex ASAP. (Did you sleep with him?) It really is up to us women to take control of the situation and not get swept away with the great fun of it and move too fast. (no, it's not fair, but what is, between men and women??) Because men come on strong when they are so sexually attracted to a woman and they are not thinking with the right...you know, they can get in too deep too fast, and they scare themselves, then they sense, OMG, I chased her and I actually caught her, if this goes any further, then we are a couple, then..my freedom is gone, oh, no, what did I get into, need to back off...I'm not ready for this...they might even go on to date someone they may not like as much as you because they can be more "in control "of their feelings! When men are young, their need for freedom and variety is huge, and it can even trump love sometimes. You have to put the brakes on men and make them miss you, yearn for you, chase you and wonder if they really have you at the beginning of a relationship, otherwise the chemical bond is not strong enough and the "freedom panic" can take over. I may get crucified for saying this, but it is what it is.
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