You'reasian Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 If I could take your comments seriously, I would find that highly offensive since you have single-handedly told me that I will end up doing the same things to my man that his ex did to him. However, since your comments are extremely loaded, I'll just smile and move forward. Its our responsibilities to keep our eyes and ears open when we get involved with others. Doesn't mean that every little thing is an issue, but if something is going to affect the loyalty or commitment, its our responsibility to communicate the issue and work it out - if it can be - and then move forward. It takes a strong, honest person to be able to communicate this way.
thegreatmoose Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Your boyfriend is a sucker who is going back for more punishment. I think most men would be very happy with this kind of "punishment". The "punishment" of finding a great woman. I hope next year I get to expereince a similar punsihment.
shadowplay Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Yes, during my dating years, I grew roses and ferns as well as wildflowers in the orchard. I gave women flowers because it made me feel good doing it. The fail was not correctly discerning the quality of women I was putting my time and energy into. I learned to correctly describe the feeling as 'feeling unappreciated' in MC. It wasn't about getting something in return, like they owed me, but rather expressing appreciation for my thoughts and efforts. It is possible that this is cultural. I found both men and women in Europe and the CIS to be far more receptive and appreciative of such efforts. It was quite normal to stop at the street market to get flowers for friends when traveling. I did it a lot. So it sounds like the problem was, not the giving of flowers itself, but the women to which you gave them. If two people are equally interested (and sane) a gesture like this is not a turn off.
Woggle Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 You are married are are still this negative about women? Do you want your marriage to last? I'm still looking for a good woman, but I know that it is common sense that at least most women like men who think positively about women. You found what I would assume is a woman you love and are still negative. I don't get your thinking and I don't think I want to get your thinking. Yes I want my marriage to last and this is how I keep my wife attracted to me. If I were the man who constantly sent her flowers and made her feel special she would get bored and cheat on me but if I giver her tiny bits of love every now and then that she has to earn I have the upper hand which is what keeps women attracted.
carhill Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 be gentle here lol IMO, an evolved man can appreciate, validate and embrace all aspects of living rather than just those which society dictates, whether by peer pressure or, in this case, feminine responses. I've long enjoyed testing society's boundaries and limits. Today, I will bake fresh cookies and take cookies and beer to my bf's house where we will proceed to murder a chicken and get drunk and eat cookies. His wife will reportedly be away while we're gay
You'reasian Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Yes, I love amaryllis as well. I think both are beautiful flowers, and they make any room look so fresh and bright, just looking at them makes me smile. I bought one of those amarylis bulbs for a woman I was seriously interested in. I knew she would like them, for the same reasons that you describe - this was someone whom told me was ready for a commitment. It was kind of exciting. During a drunken evening, she told me that she wanted to **** another guy we had just met.... I handled it very maturely and smoothly leaving in suprisingly positive spirits. I gave the bulb to a woman working behind the counter of a store because she looked sad and tired. You should have seen her face light up . Said that she never had anyone do that for her.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 So it sounds like the problem was, not the giving of flowers itself, but the women to which you gave them. If two people are equally interested (and sane) a gesture like this is not a turn off. Yes!! I was just going to say that. In addition to that notice he said "it made me feel good to send them" so really he doing it only for himself didn't really think if the flowers were something the woman would even want. </br>Which brings us back to the comment that You'reAsian said earlier in the thread that if you send flowers too soon and without really knowing where you both stand (or something to this effect) it can backfire. Sorry for paraphrasing your comments and possibly doing it wrong You'reAsian, but you did say something earlier on about waiting to send your woman flowers to ensure they are appreciated right? I would totally agree with that. </br> In my current relationship he asked me early on if I like flowers, we discussed this in our emails before we had even met (we met online) so of course he knew that if he sent them I would not pull a psycho move and bite his head off. That's very important when deciding if you should send a woman flowers, find out if she even likes flowers.
thegreatmoose Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Yes I want my marriage to last and this is how I keep my wife attracted to me. If I were the man who constantly sent her flowers and made her feel special she would get bored and cheat on me but if I giver her tiny bits of love every now and then that she has to earn I have the upper hand which is what keeps women attracted. If someone sends flowers constantly every day, yeah that would be too much and very expensive. Why not on Valentine's day and her birthday and once in ahwile randomly for no reason other than the fact that you love her. Is that so terrible? Whatever works for you, I guess. I'd rather be single than be with a woman who cheats on me because I gave her flowers. I don't think most women do that.
You'reasian Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Yes!! I was just going to say that. In addition to that notice he said "it made me feel good to send them" so really he doing it only for himself didn't really think if the flowers were something the woman would even want. </br>Which brings us back to the comment that You'reAsian said earlier in the thread that if you send flowers too soon and without really knowing where you both stand (or something to this effect) it can backfire. Sorry for paraphrasing your comments and possibly doing it wrong You'reAsian, but you did say something earlier on about waiting to send your woman flowers to ensure they are appreciated right? I would totally agree with that. Yes, I said that. I'm not going to bring flowers on the first date, first week of dating, first month of dating - maybe not for a while. Let's see if she's in the right place in her life and love situation and is ready to receive them. I am thinking its the kind of woman who has been single for a while, whom is looking for "the one", doesn't have too many guys floating around and is ready to love just one guy (me! ) If I'm going to spoil her, she's gotta be deserving of it.
carhill Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 So it sounds like the problem was, not the giving of flowers itself, but the women to which you gave them. If two people are equally interested (and sane) a gesture like this is not a turn off. Yes, Shadow, and that's defined by how they (meaning women as a group) defined the act. I had/have no control over what they define as attractive. Guy who loves horticulture and creating natural art = gay and/or fail (you saw an example of this by a poster here in this thread) Guy who calls florist after he gets drunk and hits on wife's girlfriend = succeed It's about how women, in general, feel. The successful man is a 'man'; he is expected to do stupid things (by female standards), apologize and make amends with flowers and chocolates. Wog's will explain this to you. I've seen it personally with my male friends who are 'typical' men. I've heard the 'male talk' and know exactly what they do and why they do it. I personally find it offensive, but admit this appears to be what women are attracted to (again, attraction, not 'liking'). You must realize, and we read it here every day, that women my age (50's) have a ton of baggage. I do too, but believe in my heart that being who I am is the road to personal fulfillment and happiness. If one of them finds that path compatible, cool. Otherwise, I'll just share that part of myself with other people who do value it, no matter how hard they are to find BTW, it wasn't until I traveled internationally that I experienced women (and other men) giving men flowers. Nothing like the beauty and scent of flowers to set the mood for some great personal interaction.
Woggle Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Carhill is very right. What women say and what women respond to are two very different things. I bought my ex flowers and presents every birthday and holiday yet she ended up cheating on me with some scumbag who introduced himself by grabbing her in public. Women on here get mad at me all the time but I could easily go out and have an affair with a bunch of women if I wanted to. After I stopped giving a damn about women's feelings is when I started to get really good at creating attraction in them.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Guy who loves horticulture and creating natural art = gay and/or fail (you saw an example of this by a poster here in this thread) Ooops, you know what? I owe you an apology. The thread was moving so quickly I thought you were referring to giving flowers was gay. I didn't understand how you would think that giving flowers to a woman was gay but making potpourri out of your own garden wasn't. But I just had gone back to read the comments and you were referring to growing your own flowers and giving them to a woman was gay. Sorry about that.
threebyfate Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 carhill, so that you know, my Dad's a major green thumb who loves flowers and plants. He grows 10" span tree peonies, low lying peonies, roses of all kinds, azaleas, rhodos, tulips...etc..outdoors. Indoors he has plants galore and grows all kinds of different orchids, amaryllis, gardenias, jasmine and hyacinth. He's about as masculine as it gets and does it both for his own pleasure and because my Mom loves, loves, loves flowers and appreciates that he does this for her too. Don't judge solely by a few bad apples. You're better than that.
You'reasian Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 carhill, so that you know, my Dad's a major green thumb who loves flowers and plants. He grows 10" span tree peonies, low lying peonies, roses of all kinds, azaleas, rhodos, tulips...etc..outdoors. Indoors he has plants galore and grows all kinds of different orchids, amaryllis, gardenias, jasmine and hyacinth. He's about as masculine as it gets and does it both for his own pleasure and because my Mom loves, loves, loves flowers and appreciates that he does this for her too. Don't judge solely by a few bad apples. You're better than that. Nothing wrong with having a green thumb. I think some women are impressed and appreciative
InspiredbyYou Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Don't judge solely by a few bad apples. You're better than that. Why must you always attack me? I am not a "bad apple" I misread his comment and apologized for doing so. It's not the first time I realize you do this to me in threads. What did I ever do to you? My dad grows his own garden too, yet he does not think giving flowers is gay he still gives my mother flowers. So really Carhill's comments were incoherent! That threw me off. That makes me a bad apple?!?
Woggle Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 The only thing I grow in my garden is tomatoes. You just can't beat them freshly grown in NJ soil.
thegreatmoose Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Carhill is very right. What women say and what women respond to are two very different things. I bought my ex flowers and presents every birthday and holiday yet she ended up cheating on me with some scumbag who introduced himself by grabbing her in public. Women on here get mad at me all the time but I could easily go out and have an affair with a bunch of women if I wanted to. After I stopped giving a damn about women's feelings is when I started to get really good at creating attraction in them. No one has said there aren't some bad women out there. Your ex seems to not be the greatest and I can understand there was a lot of anger with what happened. You found a new women, yet there is still anger. I'm not happy with much of what you are saying and I'm a man. You make negative generalizations about women. Some women in turn make negative generalizations about men. The cycle repeats and before you know it many more people of the opposite sex don't trust each other. This makes dating that much harder for me and others.
You'reasian Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 The only thing I grow in my garden is tomatoes. You just can't beat them freshly grown in NJ soil. mmmm...yeah home grown tomatoes are delicious.
carhill Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 (edited) carhill, so that you know, my Dad's a major green thumb who loves flowers and plants. He grows 10" span tree peonies, low lying peonies, roses of all kinds, azaleas, rhodos, tulips...etc..outdoors. Indoors he has plants galore and grows all kinds of different orchids, amaryllis, gardenias, jasmine and hyacinth. He's about as masculine as it gets and does it both for his own pleasure and because my Mom loves, loves, loves flowers and appreciates that he does this for her too. Don't judge solely by a few bad apples. You're better than that. I'm looking for the caramel apples with chocolate and nuts now No worries IBY....I've long been comfortable with who I am. I've heard the gay comments a lot during my life, mostly by men. Interesting that some of them have come to appreciate and value what they wrote off as 'gay' or 'girly' when younger. Life is a journey. We all proceed at our own pace. Like TBF inferred, I was a bit behind in other areas, like judging on some bad apples. Catching up now Edited December 5, 2009 by carhill
Woggle Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 No one has said there aren't some bad women out there. Your ex seems to not be the greatest and I can understand there was a lot of anger with what happened. You found a new women, yet there is still anger. I'm not happy with much of what you are saying and I'm a man. You make negative generalizations about women. Some women in turn make negative generalizations about men. The cycle repeats and before you know it many more people of the opposite sex don't trust each other. This makes dating that much harder for me and others. How many women would come to your defense if women were spouting misandrist stuff? You need to learn what side you are on?
InspiredbyYou Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 How many women would come to your defense if women were spouting misandrist stuff? You need to learn what side you are on? I would. TheGreatMoose is a solid guy of what I've seen so far. Not that he would ever need defending from horrendous comments he makes, he is not like that. He is much more level headed than that. Anyways, flowers are great. If you don't like to give them don't. If you like to give them do so, there are plenty of us out here who love them! It's not gay, it won't make us cheat, it's not sissy, it's not grovelling, it's simply wanting to put a smile on a woman you love's face via a gift that only she needs to enjoy.
Woggle Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 I would. TheGreatMoose is a solid guy of what I've seen so far. Not that he would ever need defending from horrendous comments he makes, he is not like that. He is much more level headed than that. Anyways, flowers are great. If you don't like to give them don't. If you like to give them do so, there are plenty of us out here who love them! It's not gay, it won't make us cheat, it's not sissy, it's not grovelling, it's simply wanting to put a smile on a woman you love's face via a gift that only she needs to enjoy. Give me a break. If I were a woman you would be agreeing with almost everything I said and saying you go girl.
You'reasian Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 I'm looking for the caramel apples with chocolate and nuts now No worries IBY....I've long been comfortable with who I am. I've heard the gay comments a lot during my life, mostly by men. Interesting that some of them have come to appreciate and value what they wrote off as 'gay' or 'girly' when younger. Life is a journey. We all proceed at our own pace. Like TBF inferred, I was a bit behind in other areas, like judging on some bad apples. Catching up now Learning to trust your gut and being able to handle the results are a good sign of experience and good judgement.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Give me a break. If I were a woman you would be agreeing with almost everything I said and saying you go girl. If you were a woman I would cyber bitch slap you!
allina Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 If you were a woman I would cyber bitch slap you! :laugh:
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