sdgreatguy09 Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 10 months ago I was a happily married guy to a wonderful wife and living a life I could only have dreamt of. Today I am writing as a guy who has considered suicide an option and who has let the better part of the year pass him by with no accomplishments. My ex wife has forever been there for me, incredibly sweet, thoughtful, fun loving, and innocent. January of this year she began to change. She was more irritable, she was unhappy, she became selfish. I offered twice for us to get a divorce, or even go back to just dating. In march I got into a bad accident. When I called her about it she said she resented me for getting in it because it made her worry at work. In early April, the day we got back from a mini vacation I took her on, she slept with a guy she met on Craigslist in a dark parking lot while I was at work. The disbelief, the pain, the feeling of being lost was so overwhelming. Little did I know at the time she had also been chatting with some guy in New York for 3 weeks at the time and even said she loved him. She apologized and begged me to stay with her. For two days we tried to make it work as I was comatose from disbelief. After two days she ran out one morning to get her own place and secretly try to make it work with this guy she slept with. She kept saying she missed me that first week and being flirty with me while she was sleeping with this other guy. I lost 20 pounds that week and only drank half a glass of water and half a slice of bread. I moved after two weeks of hell at our old place, but unfortunately I moved 4 blocks from her new place. What were the chances? She gave up on the ******* that she cheated on me with and even flew to New York to meet this other guy, only to leave a day later in tears. Naturally she came back to me trying to be friends or more. This same process repeated itself numerous times. She would come back to me, begging to get back together and then leaving to pursue another guy. What a fool I was... It eventually got to where we were seeing each other for two months. It came to a head when we were at the county fair in July having one of the greatest days ever and her saying she loved me again. One little problem though...She was talking to another guy and she picked him up at the airport the next day. She spent the night with him the first night. 24 hours after she said she loved me and was thinking about being together again she told me to move on and never contact her again. What a fool I was. I lost 15 pounds that week. Three days later she called saying she was thinking of me when falling asleep with him. Then maybe she should have been with me? The next day came bitter sweet news that shocked the hell out of me...she got herpes from that *******. It took 48 hours for it to show up on her. She tried coming back to me and asking to be my girlfriend a day later. Like a fool I said "ok, but lets take it slow" She went home to rest since she was in pain from the herpes. I went over to spend time with her half an hour later. She was on the phone getting back together with the guy who gave her herpes. I have never been so violated, insulted, and angry in all my life. Rage built up inside me that I didn't know I had. Was she this ****ing selfish an stupid!? For the first time in my life I slapped a girl and I slapped her hard. It is not in my character to do that, but I have no regrets. She apologized later that night. One week later she said again she never wanted to hear from me again. Can you guess what later happened? I then got a girlfriend (which was drama of its own since she cheated about 10 times). Two weeks later she called me asking how I was doing. Like a fool I asked her out for coffee. I was looking good at the time. I dressed up and had been going out to the gym. Being that she is a very superficial person it only took her 30 minutes to want to kiss me again. Later the next day we spent a wonderful time in Julian together. The next week we got closer till we became boyfriend and girlfriend....for a day. What a fool I was. She ran off when we were at the swap meet and said "I can't do this." Two more times this played out where she came back and ran away and it was now mid September. What a fool I was for giving love a chance with this one and only of mine. This last chance I kept away for one day when she asked to be my girlfriend. I said if you feel the same tomorrow then we will be. She did not. What a fool I was. She is afraid to be alone so she began to sleep around with some co workers and what not until she found a boyfriend on craigslist. Besides the slap I have never been mean to her, but she started a rant about how this guy is better than me, if I contact her again her dad would beat me up, and she even made up that she had a brain tumor. Still I loved and missed her. What a ****ing fool I was! I moved from my amazing place 4 blocks from her, to a new unfamiliar place. I feel like a fish out of water and it has only made me realize more what I have lost in the last 10 months. Why do I still miss her after all of this? Why do I care? Why am I unable to accept that she is not the one for me? I feel that I know it in every cell in my body we were meant to be together! What a fool I am! Just today I broke down in the middle of the gym listening to Puff the Magic Dragon, of all things. People say they can relate and I have heard some bad stories, but I don't think anyone knows how this is. I feel it would be better if I had a girlfriend of my own I could be proud of, but I can't seem to woo one. I am lost. I am stuck. I am a fool.
curiou Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Um I don't know if I should take this post seriously. You have got to be a troll. Once bitten? Twice bitten? THREE TIMES BITTEN? FOUR TIMES BITTEN AND SOME FREAKING HERPES? From this point on (actually from earlier on), it is all your fault, whatever happens to you.
Author sdgreatguy09 Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 I know I was stupid for giving it a chance every time, but could any of you honestly say you wouldn't do the same? Living alone, missing your girl, and having her come back sounding like her old self is a very hard thing to turn down.
curiou Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 SDgreatguy, harsh is exactly what you need. I feel for you. I was cheated on by my ex-wife. It hurt, and I went through stages desperate to "work through" that crap, like you. So there is an inkling of understanding there. BUT . . . this woman has established a pattern. You won't fix her. Go ahead and diagnose her with mid-life crisis, fog, manic-depressive disorder, borderline personality, whatever you want to convince yourself it's not really "her." But it is. Do you want to have children with her? Do you want to have herpes simplex virus transmitted to them during birth trauma? Do you want HSV (or whatever else she picks up) for yourself? You can't control how you feel. You CAN control what you do. And you CAN stop letting her back in your life. And I'll understand if it's hard to do so, sure. So I stand my ground. From this point on, whatever happens to you because of her, it's all your fault.
Tony T Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 It is frightening, no...horrifying..., that someone...anyone...can change that quickly....from someone so wonderful....to a cheating, lying piece of shxt. It is very, very scary to me! How can anybody be trusted???
curiou Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Looking back over your post, I don't recall how long you had been married? did I miss that. Sorry, maybe I jumped the gun. If this is a long-term happy marriage and she has degenerated that quickly, then it might be something else. This sounds much more serious than your run-of-the-mill "mid-life crisis." First, I would get her an MRI of the brain to rule out a frontal lobe tumor. If negative, then my post stands.
seibert253 Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 I know I was stupid for giving it a chance every time, but could any of you honestly say you wouldn't do the same? Living alone, missing your girl, and having her come back sounding like her old self is a very hard thing to turn down. No it's not. In response to your first question, I would have given her ONE chance to make it right. When she stepped out after that chance GONE, BY BY. My FWW got one chance, and one chance only. She knows that. So far so good.
mark982 Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 man i feel bad for you,but gods sake man WAKE UP. she's either lost her mind or she's a freaking ho. either way there's nothing you can do for her. there's absolutely no respect for you,but you keep letting her dump on you. what are you waiting for? for her to give you some disease that modern science can't cure? reach down and grab the set god gave you and wake the f up.
Author sdgreatguy09 Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 Well she is out of the picture now because she is dating another guy and suddenly again said "I never want to hear from you again". I just am having the toughest time accepting that she changed that fast and so much....and that she could use me like that only because she was lonely.
cyabye Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 GOOD! Now cut your losses, continue to go to the gym and remain NO CONTACT! cya
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