confusedbemused Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Hi -- i'm new My ex boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago, saying that he loved me but wasn't in love with me, and couldn't ever see us being together again. fast forward 1.5 months with no contact-- he sends me an email saying that "if i wanted to talk, he was willing to listen". i press him about why he wants to meet up and listen to what i have to say if he still feels the same way, and he can't answer. Later he emails me saying: ""Thank you for understanding how confused i seemed when we talked. That said, I don't think my state [he was a little sick and had just woken up for a nap at the time] was the only reason I had difficulty explaining my reassons for meeting. They were a little unclear to me too. In light of what you said, I'm not sure the reasons I mentioned before--being ready to listen to you--are very good ones. I still wouldd like to meet, but I want to be clear that I want to meet you as a friend. There is no urggent reason or real "reason" at all for such a meetiing, but it could be goood to see each other and speak to each other, simply in order to catch up. I wonder how this sounds to you." I should move on, right? The first email out of the blue made me think he was having second thoughts, but the later email makes it seem pretty clear he's completely moved on. Why is it so hard to give up hope?
McGrupp Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 he's trying to appease some guilt/is lonely i wouldnt go if you are still in love with him. it will only drag on the hurt
saams Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 you know what.. i had the exact same thing happen to me some years ago.. Okay now listen.. i will give you the only advice that actually works. You can not ever seem needy and not ever tell him you want to get back together.. what you do is act like nothing is wrong and pretend your cool. if it's not too hurtful then go meet him, and just be a friend. What then happens is that you take distance from him, just a little bit. make him come to you, and eventually make him need you more then you need him, atleast make it seem that way. 1 of 2 options then would be that he at some point finds someone else which obviously sucks, but unfortunatly there is no perfect plan for this. that being said.. Everybody, no matter what anybody else tells you, everybody want what they can't have. By the time he realises he needs you more then you need him, he will either make a move or as i said. option 1.. of course if this seems too complicated or you just want something else, you should just drop the contact with him totally, it's much easyer to cope with it that way.
trueblue72ny Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 i dont know what the point is if he just wants friends, and you want more. you both want different things. it will only cause you heartache and confusion and set you back when you could really be making progress in your own life. that would be pretty hard hitting to me if someone said they couldnt ever see us being together again. Wow. i would think its basically over at that point. how do you come back from that? and also i think its not very considerate of him to say to you that if you are ready to talk he is willing to listen. he is the one who broke up with you right?
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