lsb Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 (edited) Is it possible to be friends with someone after a bad break up. I mean I live with my family still and none of them would approve of me even speaking to him again. It seems they all think it will lead to us getting back together. Its been 6 months and I dumped him. I still wake up angry and then it will turn into missing him. What does that mean? Well he wrote me an email wishing me and my family happy holidays. Dunno if I m supposed to say anything back? Edited December 4, 2009 by lsb
XKatieX Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Can I ask, what he did to make your family not approve?
billy356 Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Yes it is possible to be friends but everything is vague about your situation. What you are feeling, even 6 months afterwords is completely normal depending on how long the relationship lasted and also the way in which it ended. The fact of the matter is you broke up for a reason and you cant forget that. No you dont write back to him in response to the holiday greetings, not unless you want to add a few months angry/missing him. Refusing to respond is the first healthy step towards not having to deal with that on a daily basis. As far as being friends that will take quite a long time before it is comfortable for both parties, if in fact it ever is. You have to be completely over him before you could be friends. You would have to not have a surge of emotion when you thought about him, or him with another girl, or him doing anything really. Then if he is in the same place mentally there is a possibility of friendship but not guaranteed.
madrugada Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 The friends question is a complicated one. So you dumped him. Does he still pine for you? Would being friends just be a way for him to be a part of your life? In my relationships I've been the dumper and the dumpee. I ended my first engagement and tried to go the friends route with her, though she constantly told me I was the love of her life. She said she was cool being friends, but all it did in the end was to prolong her pain. I still feel guilty for stringing her along. If this guy is still in love with you it would do him no good to be friends, unless you two are both over each other. In that case, I'd worry more about why my family didn't like him in the first place. If this guy you dumped is still into you, I'd say the best thing to do would be to stay out of his life and let him heal on his own.
adamt Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 You can't be friends with an ex if either still have strong feelings for the other. Disappear out of their life. If you want what is best for them as a friend then do them a favour and disappear and leave them alone.
ADF Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 It is sometimes possible, but never right after a break up. You should have no contact with your ex for at least six months--a year would be better. No seeing him, no phone calls, no email, no texting. Give yourself--and him--time to get over things. Then, after the time has passed, you can try to be friends. However, be careful. Lots of guys who befriend their ex's will try to maneuver them into some kind of FWB situation. That is almost always a mistake.
adamt Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 playing devils advocate...why would anyone want to be friends with an ex apart from to get closure. It's not as if you are going to hang out together. I think people say they are friends just to settle the bad feelings, get closure and move on. I spoke to my ex after 5 months and we had nothign to say to each other apart from being nosey and catching up. I've only got things to say if she was looking to try to work things out. I don';t want to be friends with her because it is of no use to me and she just wants to be friends to clear her concience.
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