howcouldInotknow Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Everyone is different. If I were in a situation where my H cheated and had a kid. It would never cross my mind to forbid him from seeing that kid. Once I knew there was a child I would have packed my sh*t and left. Just like I would want my kids to have a relationship with their father I would never suggest other wise for the other child. My uncle and his wife have the exact same situation. He cheated had a kid that is 3 months younger than his son with his wife and you know what? She didn't want a divorce. The OC comes over twice a month for the weekend. The kids play together. They know they are brothers. And the OC gets to spend time with his dad. She is aware that if she didn't want to deal or interact with the OC she needed to leave. Is she hurt? of course she is. But she is also aware the child didn't ask to be born and he is completely innocent of what his parents did. In the end you are not punishing the mother because life goes on the kid gets taken care of and the OW will probably meet a new man. The only person who suffers will be the kids.
turnstone Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Everyone is different. If I were in a situation where my H cheated and had a kid. It would never cross my mind to forbid him from seeing that kid. Once I knew there was a child I would have packed my sh*t and left. Just like I would want my kids to have a relationship with their father I would never suggest other wise for the other child. Why is it so important for the child to know its biological father? Plenty don't who aren't born out of an affair and I suspect there are many more that don't who are born from an affair, and they do just fine. Infact they probably do better without that type of man in their life. I've snipped the rest of your post as its just so much anecdotal evidence.
howcouldInotknow Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 (edited) Why is it so important for the child to know its biological father? Plenty don't who aren't born out of an affair and I suspect there are many more that don't who are born from an affair, and they do just fine. Infact they probably do better without that type of man in their life. I've snipped the rest of your post as its just so much anecdotal evidence. Does the same statement hold true for the kids with his wife? Why do they need their father more than the other kid? Because he married their mother? And further more by OP's own admission her husband called this woman the love of his life. So the child has to be of some emotional significance to him. So why should the kid not know his father? Edited December 7, 2009 by howcouldInotknow
turnstone Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I absolutely agree. However, the children from the marriage will have had their father in their lives to a certain extent so losing him (although to my mind no great loss) would impact them to a larger degree than would effect a child that had never known him.
howcouldInotknow Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I absolutely agree. However, the children from the marriage will have had their father in their lives to a certain extent so losing him (although to my mind no great loss) would impact them to a larger degree than would effect a child that had never known him. As the child gets older it will know of him and wonder why he doesn't have a dad. So it would have an effect on both children.
Impudent Oyster Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Does the same statement hold true for the kids with his wife? Why do they need their father more than the other kid? Because he married their mother? Yep. If this OW was the love of his life he should have married her, not married someone else, had 3 children with that someone else then deceive her in the worst way imaginable and destroy his family.
turnstone Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 As the child gets older it will know of him and wonder why he doesn't have a dad. So it would have an effect on both children. I disagree. If a child hasn't ever had the presence of a particular person, father or not, in his/her life, its not going to 'miss' that person, whereas the child who *has* known a certain person *is* going to feel the loss. But hey, whatever, I just hope that any woman who is cheated on has the support to get rid.
Impudent Oyster Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 As the child gets older it will know of him and wonder why he doesn't have a dad. So it would have an effect on both children. Then the child's mother would have to explain that his father was already married to someone else who he had children with when she gave birth to him. Even children understand how wrong that is. Probably better than you do. Again, of course it will have an affect on the OC, but the child's mother knew she was going to be a single parent when she had him, didn't she? If you don't want your child growing up without a father, don't have sex, especially with someone who is married. How's that for a solution?
fooled once Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Its sad -- all this infighting and crap. The focus should be on HELPING the OP, not tearing her down for her decisions. Let's see one of you deal with not only the blow of your spouse cheating on you, but also knocking up his OW and then sneaking behind your back after declaring he was DONE with them to see them. Let's focus on helping HER deal with this. Stop all this other crap. OW, if you don't have anything helpful or useful to say, stay away. QUIT making her feel even worse than she already does. Seriously, if people don't have something helpful to say, how about just pass this post?? OP, I am really sorry for all that you are going through and the decisions you have had to make. I can understand why you made the ones you did.
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