starscollide Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I learned from my ex's sister that the current gf (whom my ex has cheated on repeatedly) is "the better choice" because she's a lot more laid back and lets him get away with a heck of a lot that I never did. Why does this matter? Because right now I'm sitting here wondering if I could have salvaged that relationship by keeping my mouth shut & letting him do whatever he wanted. Is that really better? I'm not even sure I'm looking for advice, I'm just blown away at the fact that my ex very recently said that he knows I'm a great catch, but this girl is better for him because he can basically get away with murder and she'll still be there at the end of the day. What sucks is I was head over heels in love with him, and to know that the only way we would ever work is if I became the girl who turned a blind eye to what was happening...kills me. I was raised to believe that you talk out issues, that you communicate, that you respect people and treat them how you want to be treated. I thought that, in a healthy relationship, you respect one another and you don't lie and cheat and sweep everything under a rug. And yet here I sit...wondering... I feel like this girl is better than me because he's with her, and I know, "Why would you wanna be with a guy like that?" but...I feel like him choosing to be with her over me makes her better. =/
nobmagnet Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 DOH!!!!!!!!!!! your well shot! She will tire of pandering to him he has a very selfish veiw of relationships you however dont. He needs to get over himself. You have the correct attitude to love and relationships you had a very very very lucky escape xxxxxx
Author starscollide Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 DOH!!!!!!!!!!! your well shot! She will tire of pandering to him he has a very selfish veiw of relationships you however dont. He needs to get over himself. You have the correct attitude to love and relationships you had a very very very lucky escape xxxxxx =/ And yet I feel like crap because he chose her. He wants a girlfriend that doesn't make him talk about the future, talk about feelings,that won't give him a hard time on just about anything, one that will let him come & go as he pleases. He wants to still talk, thats what kills me. You don't get her as your girlfriend and me as a consolation prize. I'm the one person in his life he can actually talk to, openly, and thats hard because he sits there and tells me about all these other girls, including the gf. I don't want to be the friend or the friends with benefits. I'm better than that. =(
threebyfate Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I think you should reread what you've written in this thread, while pretending to be a third-party reading it. Step back from your emotions and try to isolate yourself to the degree that you can view your own words, objectively. Do you sincerely lack self-esteem to this level? When someone chooses another person due to the fact that they're more of a doormat, someone they can wipe dog poo on, why do you feel so bad? If anything, this should kick you in the arse and give you a backbone, making you praise Allah or God, for saving you from a life of dog poo.
red_cloud Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 It might be a relief for him now, but over time he'll probably get bored. Don't be there for him and def dont be his occasional prize.
stace79 Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Do you really love that guy, or do you just love being with someone? I get that a lot of us broken hearted fools are only remembering the good about our exes b/c we miss them... but it doesn't sound like he did much good for you at all!! Just because a person is better for him does not equal better than you. My ex said frequently that we were both good people... he always said I was "a catch" or an "amazing woman". He just doesn't feel that together we're right. Doesn't take anything away from either of us as individuals. Even though I miss him terribly and am heartbroken over him, I know that I am still a good person who deserves to be happy in life. You have to find a way to know that about yourself, too.
Author starscollide Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 It might be a relief for him now, but over time he'll probably get bored. Don't be there for him and def dont be his occasional prize. That's so SO true, but its so hard to know he's still with her, being a boyfriend, doing all the things you do in a relationship and I can't help but feel like I'M not good enough for HIM. I know all the "never let someone else define you" and "you're only inferior to someone if you let yourself be" but I can't get past this feeling. I don't think its all her being a pushover either, my ex has a pretty long history of being with really assertive, pushy chicks who just as easily walk all over him. I always believed he'd actually SEE, on his own, that I was the one he should be treating the best out of all of them because I'd never screwed him over or treated him like less than a person. And yet, its the opposite. Its like anyone that treats him well or actually cares about him, he pushes them away and treats THEM bad. Yet the ones who treat him like crap he does whatever they tell him to. I can't win this battle in my own head, either. Do I stay in his life, be the friend, hear about him complain about all the girls who've d*cked him over? Or do I walk away and hope some emotional maturity lands in his head/heart? I thought if you were a good person and you treated people right...that counts for something. I don't want to become something I'm not for anyone, not even someone I care about. I can't be pushy or manipulative and still look at myself in the mirror, knowing I stooped to that level. I don't know whats the best road for me at this point =( I have so, so much work to do on myself. I don't know how I let ONE person twist me into knots and doubt myself. I haven't been myself around him in a really, really long time. I tried being the docile one, not causing any waves, and then I realized...I'm giving him permission to treat me however he wants and thats NOT okay. Maybe we're wrong for each other. Maybe when we're both experienced and mature we can start over. But for right now...I just feel like I need to be far away from him, far away from this situation as a whole so I can build up my confidence and my self-esteem. He's not a bad guy, but I know I deserve to be treated a heck of a lot better. I just look at this relationship on a pedestal, seeing from the outside that he treated me badly and then turns around and treats her so well, writing all over her facebook wall (I've since deactivated my account), goes to family events, does all the things a boyfriend would do. I just wonder why he could never treat me like that. Why he can be all doting on her, kissing her @$$, gives in to whatever she wants...and with me...because I didn't demand or manipulate, he knew he could say no and not have to do anything he didn't want to. I just feel like...its something about me.
Ilovecake Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 So this new girl is a complete doormat and lets him walk all over her, you're asking if you would have been better of being a doormat to this guy. Would you have been happier in the relationship as a doormat?
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