whatslife Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I'm not exactly sure what to expect, but hopefully you can give me some guidance. I've never had a girlfriend, ever - and I'm 26. Tonight I was with an escort for the 3rd time. I was nervous and even though we made out at first we didn't have sex, so we just chilled. I lost my v-card to an escort last year. Funny thing is, 5 years ago I wouldn't even buy a girl anything. They would buy me stuff. Oh how times change. I don't feel bad about the escorts, but I just don't want to make it into a life-long habit. The thing is, I'm not ugly, I'm laidback, fairly outgoing, people say I'm hilarious, and the only reason I can see is that I simply don't meet ANY girls. I go to school and work, both full-time. I don't drink or do drugs (for health reasons - I'm not religious). At school I study computer science, and there are barely any girls in my classes. I don’t want to join a club/activity that I'm not interested in just for the sake of meeting girls because it doesn't feel right to me; it wouldn't be genuine. I haven't always been like this. When I moved out about 5-6 years ago, I started dating girls from the bar/club scene. I fooled around with them but never had sex or hung onto any of them for longer than a few weeks. I kept trying to meet "the right one" to be my first but I suppose I didn't know what I was even looking for. There were plenty of girls who tried to sleep with me, but I turned them down. That was when I lived in a 500k population city in a south eastern state. Now I'm living in a 35k college town on the west coast. It's a beautiful coastal town, and I moved here for the weather/job, but my social life is gone. I'm better off financially, but as the saying goes, money doesn't buy happiness. It's been about 4 years since I went on a date. I feel like I've tried everything. Even though I'd given up the bar/club scene long ago, I've tried it here to no avail. Online dating is a joke since the town is so small there's no one in the area. People here seem friendly, but not exactly down-to-earth. They have their social clicks and I've felt like an outsider since moving here. Guys seem to outnumber girls, and most girls seem taken. The only place I really know any girls is at work. A few of the girls flirt with me heavily (sexual jokes, touching, etc), even though they have boyfriends. They don't mention their boyfriends to me, but I know, and the flirting is noticeable enough that others usually call them out on it. But I won't date coworkers. If only I could meet girls in an environment similar to my workplace, where I can actually get to know them well, I am positive I have no problem with everything else. But I'm not looking to get laid. Sex means nothing to me unless there's chemistry. I'm simply looking for a girl to first and foremost have an emotional connection with. To be honest, I just want a FRIEND who is a girl. Someone I can just kick back with. Is that too much to ask? I'm willing to buy dinner, whatever. Where do I find a woman to just get to know? Sure, women are everywhere, but those types of chance encounters aren't something to count on. I can read body language fairly well, and I have to admit, I have had plenty of chance opportunities at grocery stores and other places but I feel so hopeless at this point I don't know what to make of them. I really don't know what else to say. I just want to know have any of you had difficulty with dating after moving somewhere? City to small town or vice versa? What do you recommend? How did you meet your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse? Where can I meet women and get to know them well? How can I meet women to just be friends with? Is there any hope? Thanks a lot, I really appreciate all the advice I can get.
Yukikazi Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 (edited) You gotta do what you gotta do to meet them. Bookstores Some activity.. dosen't matter if its not something you are into at first.. you may learn to like it. If 35k towns are too small then move. Only you know what girl meeting venues are in your town and everyone will say the same generic answers.. bars, church, sports activities. Dude its a damn college town.. Edited December 4, 2009 by Yukikazi
doushenka Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Is there a city nearby -- within an hour? You could always hit up some coffee shops or bookstores there.
Author whatslife Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 You gotta do what you gotta do to meet them. Bookstores Some activity.. dosen't matter if its not something you are into at first.. you may learn to like it. If 35k towns are too small then move. Only you know what girl meeting venues are in your town and everyone will say the same generic answers.. bars, church, sports activities. Dude its a damn college town.. You have a good point, maybe I can try something and grow to enjoy it. I'm going to check out meetup / CL to see if I can find something. Is there a city nearby -- within an hour? You could always hit up some coffee shops or bookstores there. Unfortunately the nearest city is 2 hours away. As far as coffee shops and bookstores, there's plenty of those in my town, and I actually frequent them a lot. I'm not sure how to go about meeting girls at coffee shops / bookstores though. When I see girls at bookstores they're browsing book isles that I would never really be at. Like romance novels, etc. I usually browse the business or computer sections. Should I purposely try to place myself in places where they would be at? At coffee shops, I figure they would have to make eye contact or show some interest via body language, but I'm usually really into what I'm doing, like reading or studying. I'm just wondering if someone can give me an example of how you would go about breaking the ice or meeting someone at a coffee shop / bookstore. Thanks again.
Yukikazi Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I'm just wondering if someone can give me an example of how you would go about breaking the ice or meeting someone at a coffee shop / bookstore. Thanks again. Bookstore: Find the girl you want to meet. Go get the Dating for Dummies book. Hold it in front of your face (like you are seriously reading) and walk up to her so she can clearly see you coming and see the title of what you are reading. Look her in the eyes (cause she will be watching you walk up to her) smile and put a suave cool expression on your face and say "Come here often?" *She should laugh at this point and may answer* (keep smiling and hold this for 3 seconds for a response.. once you get it...) Look all serious again as you put your face back in the book to scan the page.. Then look up at her again and switch back on your suave slick smile and say "Whats your sign" with a big grin. *wait for response* Then go "Wow this stuff really works!!" (still smiling) Then either put the book under your left arm and then extend your hand to her saying "Hi, I'm whatslife" and wait for a response. OR say "Now your turn" and push the book towards her so she can role play a lame pickup line back to you. Congratulations you've gotten the ball rolling with laughter and a smile.. if not then is that really someone you wanna be with anyway?? no sense of humor. Remember its not what you say.. its how you say it.. so you gotta have a high energy level and don't hesitate.. show confidence..
bluestraps Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Maybe try some not so attractive women. Start there. Sometimes their not wearing makeup and they will look better on a date. But watch out If it getts serrious you have a problem.
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