Burlesque Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Let's call him BFX shall we. It's the summer and he's back in his hometown, we keep in touch once in a while via text, and very brief phone calls (i.e. 3 mins). I have a housemate who lives upstairs, he comes into my room one day to chill. Seeing that we're both alone (friends are all gone), and he was having a 'bad day', I allowed it. He started to touch me all over, even tried to grab me to make out with me. I asked him to get out several times, but he refused and continued to touch me. I had no choice but to leave my room and look for my other friend who lives upstairs (he's staying a little longer for summer). My BF knws those two housemates of mine. Now when I told my BF about this over the skype, all he did was laugh. That wasn't all, he told his OTHER friend, who sends me a message on MSN, laughing his ass off as well. I dont know if I'm over reacting, but I felt deeply hurt, I didn't think it was funny in anyway. Yet my BF manages to ask 'what's NOT funny about it?' I understand that I'm his first GF, but how do I make him understand... I'm starting to see this really immatured side of him. How do I deal with him? We've been out for 10 months now. Burlesque
Jerseyboy. Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Wow Times are a changin Hes either a puss or doesnt care. Find someone who does
New Again Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Is your bf 14? His reaction may have been different if these guys weren't his friends. On the other hand, maybe I'm giving your bf too much credit.
phineas Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 When I was younger I would of got my friends together & road triped to beat his ass. My friends would only be there as back up in case he had friends. Then i'd drag his ass downstairs & make him apologize & promise he wouldn't do it again. But that was then. These days i'd tell her to call the police & lodge a complaint.
New Again Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 These days i'd tell her to call the police & lodge a complaint. Yeah. And no offense OP, but you have some lessons to learn about boys and appropriate/inappropriate behavior on your end as well. That by no means excuses your "friend's" behavior, but you gotta be smart too, because you can't depend on everyone else to be decent and respectful.
Jerseyboy. Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 When I was younger I would of got my friends together & road triped to beat his ass. My friends would only be there as back up in case he had friends. Then i'd drag his ass downstairs & make him apologize & promise he wouldn't do it again. But that was then. These days i'd tell her to call the police & lodge a complaint. LOL I went home for the weekend and asked a friend to watch after my gf at a frat party.A guy I had known since high school, who I even let mooch off of me an entire spring break (came down with no money at all) Told her to go, that shed be safe with him , have some fun. One of his frat brothers pulled that groping crap on her. She called me, got in the car, went over and beat him mercilessly in front of his "brothers". When my "friend" told me he was sorry but he couldnt do anything because it was a frat brother, I beat him even worse. When he came to talk to me a few weeks later, I beat him again. He got the message, you see me you better start heading the other way.
A.G.Doren Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Your bf is a loser I'd dump him. I see no point in being with a man who isn't bothered by the idea of some other guy having his hands all over me.
Yukikazi Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Your bf is a loser I'd dump him. I see no point in being with a man who isn't bothered by the idea of some other guy having his hands all over me. Agreed.. ditch the idiot. I'd beat the **** outta the dude also...
Author Burlesque Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 We used to be best friends though, and he used to be so much more empathetic.. There just has to be a way to show him he's changed...
Yukikazi Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 We used to be best friends though, and he used to be so much more empathetic.. There just has to be a way to show him he's changed... You obviously are not friends anymore.. kick him in the nuts to test his sensitivity.. then walk away. You say he changed.. did he used to be the "nice guy" that would always listen and be there to help you do things.. dry your tears.. listen to ppl bitch about their bf's.. never really had a date... But now he is hooking up with girls so his demeanor has changed in regards to women and he is much more open/sexual?
You'reasian Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Let's call him BFX shall we. It's the summer and he's back in his hometown, we keep in touch once in a while via text, and very brief phone calls (i.e. 3 mins). I have a housemate who lives upstairs, he comes into my room one day to chill. Seeing that we're both alone (friends are all gone), and he was having a 'bad day', I allowed it. He started to touch me all over, even tried to grab me to make out with me. I asked him to get out several times, but he refused and continued to touch me. I had no choice but to leave my room and look for my other friend who lives upstairs (he's staying a little longer for summer). My BF knws those two housemates of mine. Now when I told my BF about this over the skype, all he did was laugh. That wasn't all, he told his OTHER friend, who sends me a message on MSN, laughing his ass off as well. I dont know if I'm over reacting, but I felt deeply hurt, I didn't think it was funny in anyway. Yet my BF manages to ask 'what's NOT funny about it?' I understand that I'm his first GF, but how do I make him understand... I'm starting to see this really immatured side of him. How do I deal with him? We've been out for 10 months now. Burlesque He doesn't care. And that's why you're intrigued/attracted to him.
threebyfate Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Men are territorial by nature, if they value what they have. If they don't, they just let you defend yourself.
You'reasian Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Men are territorial by nature, if they value what they have. If they don't, they just let you defend yourself. A man won't fight for a woman whose really not into him (unless he's a doormat) or he's being a good samaritan.
harmfulsweetz Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Your situation sounds just like mine, except for the actual laughing part (my bf may as well have laughed though). I would advise you to consider how much he actually values you, the thought of another man trying it on with you should be enough to make him crazy with jealousy and rage. Ok, not rage in the Incredible Hulk way, but he should definitely feel and portray anger. He didn't once stop to think how it made you feel? He doesn't sound like he cares a great deal, in fact, he sounds like he couldn't care less. I may be wrong, but 9 times out 10 when a guy doesn't react to this, it's because he don't care. I have to disagree with the person who said she has to rethink how she acts in situations such as these, I don't think it's like that. Yes, you should always be wary of a guy, alone with you, in your room, it may give off signals. But if she considers him a friend, and doesn't do anything to make him think there's more, then it's not her fault he came onto her. He should have got out asap, as soon as she told him get out. She made her position clear, and what he did afterwards, is sexual harrassment. My situation went a little like (or a lot like) this: We were out for my bf's birthday, with his mates and my mates, his friend (who is also seeing a mutual friend) called me over to sit down beside him. I do so, needing a seat anyway and obviously, not thinking anything of it. However, he was plastered, (drunk) and started putting his hand on my leg, I get it. He was drunk, so it probably was misred intentions. I certainly don't believe he would ever do that sober. But I wasn't comfortable with it, and worse still, my bf saw it and did nothing. Perhaps because his friend was drunk, perhaps because he didn't care enough to. My point is, that he did nothing when I expected him to, I expected him to care, and he didn't. He said he did, but he didn't. I'm not saying I wanted him to smack the guy, I'm saying I wanted him to stand up for me, stand by me, care about it. P You have to consider now whether or not he's worth hanging on to, I would say, no he's not.
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Perhaps because his friend was drunk, perhaps because he didn't care enough to. My point is, that he did nothing when I expected him to, I expected him to care, and he didn't. He said he did, but he didn't. I'm not saying I wanted him to smack the guy, I'm saying I wanted him to stand up for me, stand by me, care about it. P You have to consider now whether or not he's worth hanging on to, I would say, no he's not. You are responsible for your own well being and your own actions. If you didn't want the guys hand on your lap... then push it off! If you just sit there looking sillly, it's going to make him feel like you PUT the guys hand there.
harmfulsweetz Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 You are responsible for your own well being and your own actions. If you didn't want the guys hand on your lap... then push it off! If you just sit there looking sillly, it's going to make him feel like you PUT the guys hand there. Did I say I wanted the guys hand on my lap? Did I say I didn't push his hand off? I know full well I'm responsible for my own well being, but I got up, and walked away and didn't see friend all night, refused to. What I did say was that I wanted, expected some sort of reaction from my bf, it's what most people would want in that situation. You're telling me that if one of ur bf's mates did that, and you pushed him off, you wouldn't expect your bf to be a little bit bothered by it? I am responsible for myself, and my actions, I don't actually believe my actions were wrong in the slightest there. I pushed his hand off, walked away, but I still wanted some reaction, some sign that my bf cared.
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