DenverBachelor Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 (edited) I am sure I'm going to get torched for posting this, but I need to say a few things and if I get scorched by the guys, I'm cool with it (no pun intended). I'll be brutally honest. Even though I sent her texts after realizing she cheated on me and basically burned every bridge leading to here to the past, over the past day, my heart has been filled with compassion. You see, I look back at what we shared and when I realized that the past was shattered like glass due to learning that she cheated, the overwhelming unconditional love in my heart for her went through the past, picked up the pieces and put together a shattered mirror. When I looked in that mirror, I saw aspects of myself that were responsible for the breakup. I realized that I had to own up to my own shortcomings and be responsible for the contribution to the decay of the relationship. In my honest opinion, breaking up with someone you truly loved and shared a lot of time with is one of life's biggest challenges. Forget terms like dumpee or dumper, a breakup is rough on both sides. The unfulfilled dreams, the broken future, the disillusion of eternity together -- it's just rough on both sides. In the movie "Generations" (Star Trek) the villain said, "Time is a predator, constantly stalking us -- sure, we can outrun it with medicines, doctors and technology but sooner or later, it will hunt us down, and make the kill." Captain Picard had a different view -- that, "time is a companion that accompanies us along the journey, because every moment will never come again." In my opinion, both views are valid, but it is our interpretation of things that shift us towards a negative or positive view of the past, present and future. There are a lot of people that hold a specific view that leans towards the former or latter based on their own life experiences and their interpretation of things. As an aside, I looked at my e-mail history and went to an e-mail exactly one year ago from today, when the relationship was still fresh. Yes, we had issues, and she replied to one of my e-mails that her greatest fear would be to lose me. In hindsight, it is interesting to see how people grow and move forward. How the things we say today with conviction will eventually be the things we live through irony tomorrow. Nobody can predict the future or what will happen. What I do know is that, of all my greatest regrets, I took days for granted and assumed that the present would always echo into the future without hindrance. Time is a companion, but we ourselves are often too guilty of taking for granted the most basic of things. We wake up and take for granted that the sun will rise. We take for granted our health and that we'll always have a seemingly unlimited supply of tomorrows. I look back and think to myself -- I wish I would have held her closer or kissed her more. I wish I would have broken through my shell of isolation and accepted the love and been closer to her. I look back and realize I was very enclosed. I look back and realize too many things -- too many avenues unexplored, too many paths not walked -- too many moments taken for granted. If you are religious and believe in God, you will understand and realize that during our journey, no matter how bad we **** up, God is compassionate and is willing to forgive us for our worse sins. That if we are truly remorseful for what we have done, that God still looks down and is willing to forgive us for any trespass in sin. In the same way, as humans, when you can extend that level of forgiveness to another human, you know what it means and you feel what it means to have that aspect of God. Once you realize that another is only human and that they can err and sin, and once you find it within yourself to forgive and love uncondtionally -- well, you just enter into a capacity of existence where you can appreciate another person's shortcomings and accept them for who they are. I don't think anger and hate are productive emotions or very secure long-term investments of the heart. At some point, you have to reflect back on everything -- the echoes of the past ... the wants, the desires, etc. And you have to accept that people fall down. People fall down because that's how they learn to get back up and become better. I believe that's why this place is so popular. People come here looking for closure -- looking for a reason why something they held so dear failed them. Every time we open our hearts to someone, we accept, either knowingly or unknowingly, a dagger in the heart. That's why we all fall in love -- because when we do it with the person we love, we're willing to accept the risks because the rewards are so incredible. That's why a lot of us keep taking that risk -- because once we find someone that is truly right for us, the rewards make up for all the past failed relationships. All the risks we took in the past -- all the pain we felt -- all the turmoil in our heart -- well, we fell down and we got back up and dusted our souls off and we went forward to try again. And that pain can be so hard, so pressing, so deep. It might take getting knocked down a dozen times until we finally get back up and find the most amazing person extending their hand to help us back on our feet. But we carry all these memories -- so many past relationships filling our hearts -- weighting it down. We realize that what we are is mostly from the moments we shared with a person that walked into our lives and slept next to us for so long. Our hearts get beaten and bruised and, although time does heal, the echoes of what was with so many still reverberates through our existence. In the end -- at the true end, I believe we will all find that every relationship in our lives was meant to teach us more about ourselves. No matter successful or failed, every relationship existed to make us who we are and to force us to grow as individuals. And, once you can let go of the pain and truly reflect -- you realize that every moment is inclusive to itself -- that every experience we take on with another is really for us to keep. You realize that you came into the world alone and will leave it alone, and every hand you hold along the way is simply a step up in your own personal development and your own introspective discoveries. Nobody wants a love to die, but all things do -- including all of us. What we need to realize is that we must focus more on the moments -- the singularies -- and not concern ourselves with everlasting absolutes. Because, in the end, time is much greater than our own -- but our love is much greater than time itself. We just need to live more in the moment and realize that the journey will take us off the beaten path many times. Edited December 4, 2009 by DenverBachelor
Author DenverBachelor Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 What the hell are you talking about? ... and so it begins.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Wonderful, insightful post DB, thank you
stillafool Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I am sure I'm going to get torched for posting this, but I need to say a few things and if I get scorched by the guys, I'm cool with it (no pun intended). I'll be brutally honest. Even though I sent her texts after realizing she cheated on me and basically burned every bridge leading to here to the past, over the past day, my heart has been filled with compassion. You see, I look back at what we shared and when I realized that the past was shattered like glass due to learning that she cheated, the overwhelming unconditional love in my heart for her went through the past, picked up the pieces and put together a shattered mirror. When I looked in that mirror, I saw aspects of myself that were responsible for the breakup. I realized that I had to own up to my own shortcomings and be responsible for the contribution to the decay of the relationship. In my honest opinion, breaking up with someone you truly loved and shared a lot of time with is one of life's biggest challenges. Forget terms like dumpee or dumper, a breakup is rough on both sides. The unfulfilled dreams, the broken future, the disillusion of eternity together -- it's just rough on both sides. In the movie "Generations" (Star Trek) the villain said, "Time is a predator, constantly stalking us -- sure, we can outrun it with medicines, doctors and technology but sooner or later, it will hunt us down, and make the kill." Captain Picard had a different view -- that, "time is a companion that accompanies us along the journey, because every moment will never come again." In my opinion, both views are valid, but it is our interpretation of things that shift us towards a negative or positive view of the past, present and future. There are a lot of people that hold a specific view that leans towards the former or latter based on their own life experiences and their interpretation of things. As an aside, I looked at my e-mail history and went to an e-mail exactly one year ago from today, when the relationship was still fresh. Yes, we had issues, and she replied to one of my e-mails that her greatest fear would be to lose me. In hindsight, it is interesting to see how people grow and move forward. How the things we say today with conviction will eventually be the things we live through irony tomorrow. Nobody can predict the future or what will happen. What I do know is that, of all my greatest regrets, I took days for granted and assumed that the present would always echo into the future without hindrance. Time is a companion, but we ourselves are often too guilty of taking for granted the most basic of things. We wake up and take for granted that the sun will rise. We take for granted our health and that we'll always have a seemingly unlimited supply of tomorrows. I look back and think to myself -- I wish I would have held her closer or kissed her more. I wish I would have broken through my shell of isolation and accepted the love and been closer to her. I look back and realize I was very enclosed. I look back and realize too many things -- too many avenues unexplored, too many paths not walked -- too many moments taken for granted. If you are religious and believe in God, you will understand and realize that during our journey, no matter how bad we **** up, God is compassionate and is willing to forgive us for our worse sins. That if we are truly remorseful for what we have done, that God still looks down and is willing to forgive us for any trespass in sin. In the same way, as humans, when you can extend that level of forgiveness to another human, you know what it means and you feel what it means to have that aspect of God. Once you realize that another is only human and that they can err and sin, and once you find it within yourself to forgive and love uncondtionally -- well, you just enter into a capacity of existence where you can appreciate another person's shortcomings and accept them for who they are. I don't think anger and hate are productive emotions or very secure long-term investments of the heart. At some point, you have to reflect back on everything -- the echoes of the past ... the wants, the desires, etc. And you have to accept that people fall down. People fall down because that's how they learn to get back up and become better. I believe that's why this place is so popular. People come here looking for closure -- looking for a reason why something they held so dear failed them. Every time we open our hearts to someone, we accept, either knowingly or unknowingly, a dagger in the heart. That's why we all fall in love -- because when we do it with the person we love, we're willing to accept the risks because the rewards are so incredible. That's why a lot of us keep taking that risk -- because once we find someone that is truly right for us, the rewards make up for all the past failed relationships. All the risks we took in the past -- all the pain we felt -- all the turmoil in our heart -- well, we fell down and we got back up and dusted our souls off and we went forward to try again. And that pain can be so hard, so pressing, so deep. It might take getting knocked down a dozen times until we finally get back up and find the most amazing person extending their hand to help us back on our feet. But we carry all these memories -- so many past relationships filling our hearts -- weighting it down. We realize that what we are is mostly from the moments we shared with a person that walked into our lives and slept next to us for so long. Our hearts get beaten and bruised and, although time does heal, the echoes of what was with so many still reverberates through our existence. In the end -- at the true end, I believe we will all find that every relationship in our lives was meant to teach us more about ourselves. No matter successful or failed, every relationship existed to make us who we are and to force us to grow as individuals. And, once you can let go of the pain and truly reflect -- you realize that every moment is inclusive to itself -- that every experience we take on with another is really for us to keep. You realize that you came into the world alone and will leave it alone, and every hand you hold along the way is simply a step up in your own personal development and your own introspective discoveries. Nobody wants a love to die, but all things do -- including all of us. What we need to realize is that we must focus more on the moments -- the singularies -- and not concern ourselves with everlasting absolutes. Because, in the end, time is much greater than our own -- but our love is much greater than time itself. We just need to live more in the moment and realize that the journey will take us off the beaten path many times. Are you currently in a relationship?
DustySaltus Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 DB, it looks like you are continuing to live in the same moment and it's not healthy. She cheated, she has a weak mind and she has a revolving door on her apartment already. She's a mess, you don't need someone like that. She doesn't love unconditionally, that's not love.
northstar1 Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Okay, free assocation is a good way to get your thoughts out. But at the end of this, what are you doing to help yourself move on sir?
SCooke Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 This is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It makes perfect sense to me.
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