JaggedRoad Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I found out (I won't mention how so you guys won't get paranoid and do the same) that my ex was doing a lot of things with another guy months prior to the break-up. I guess this explains why she asked me what I would do if I ever found out that she cheated on me, and suddenly went silent when I told her that I would never talk to her again. It's not so much that she has been hanging out with this guy, but she failed to mention or left out a lot of things that would have originally made me suspect something. And it also explains why she suddenly became much more attached to me after she asked me that question.
almostpassedit Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 (edited) sounds like your girlfriend is young and immature. she says those things so she can mentailly prepare herself for what is to come. asking you those questions means that her mind is wondering and she is currently weighing, weather it is worth losing you for another guy. if your girl is being sexually intimate with another while with you then it means she's a whore. also start looking for another girlfriend as this one is about to leave you for the "right person" her interest is wondering, my girlfriend would ask me weird questions like "if we break up, can I still come over" or things that just make you wonder "why the hell are you even asking me??" and she with-held that information because maybe she saw value in you for the future or didn't want to leave with a bad image but in the end and atleast now you know your ex is a liar, either-way, be happy you've dodged the bullet as this one was not right for you and rest assured you won't be the only one she does this too. your like the trainer, she is seeing what is to come from cheating so the next time she does it, she'll know the outcome. your dispoisable man at this point.. a tester, but you've said she is your ex so chances are its over and now your feeling rather stupid huh?? yeah females are vicious, that's the way it works, unfortunately..... not all, just whoring ones... the ones who suck another while coming to kiss you.... Edited December 4, 2009 by almostpassedit
MichiganMan222 Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 If asked that question, I would never tell my gf I would never talk to her again or dump her. Because then if it happened, there's no chance she would tell me about it. I would tell her that I would probably consider forgiving sincere remorse and an honest confession. Then if it ever actually happened, I would dump her and never talk to her again.
JohnP82 Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I have experienced this. One girlfriend asked if we would remain friends if we ever broke up. I was too naive to realize that she was testing the waters. However I told her that I have never been able to remain friends with an ex and she would probably be no different. Needless to say she broke up with me and I kept my word.
WiseOne1 Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 If asked that question, I would never tell my gf I would never talk to her again or dump her. Because then if it happened, there's no chance she would tell me about it. I would tell her that I would probably consider forgiving sincere remorse and an honest confession. Then if it ever actually happened, I would dump her and never talk to her again. Smart plan, I would do the same.
DustySaltus Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I've had friends that slept with their Ex's best friends after it occured but the best revenge is alway complete silence.
Author JaggedRoad Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 I wish I could have accepted this when the break-up happened instead of 4 months later =/
trueblue72ny Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 i think what she did is called deceipt. not cool. that is a deal breaker.
Kaya Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 At least you have your answers Jagged - now you can move forward. I remember my ex-ex once asking me "If we broke up, do you think you'd find someone else easily?" - I thought that was a really bizarre question. A month or so later, he left me for a co-worker. Lovely.
mickleb Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 I'm glad you've found out that she was not worth your time, Jagged. I look forward to reading your posts about how YOU are doing, from this point on. Don't dwell in regret, btw, it is another form of refusing to heal. x
SushiOji Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I have experienced this. One girlfriend asked if we would remain friends if we ever broke up. I was too naive to realize that she was testing the waters. However I told her that I have never been able to remain friends with an ex and she would probably be no different. Needless to say she broke up with me and I kept my word. I just realized mine asked me the same thing and I got screwed in the end. I sure as hell am not her friend though.
Torn_apart Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Its funny why they ask these questions isn't it. Mine asked me what would i do if she fell for another guy, on hindsight, thats the signal that there WAS another guy. I said I'd wish them happiness and move on and she went on to ask what would I do if i found out she is not happy being together with him. Arggghg, i will never figure out whats going on in their minds.
Trinitron Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 What, you're surprised? Sorry, cynicism has overpowered my brain. Trinitron.
Author JaggedRoad Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 Sort of... I trusted her as much as I could, and she seemed like a really good person (when she's not upset). This was my first relationship, and I still have an innocent view of the world. I loved her, and she loved me. So yes, I am a bit surprised. But if I really look at things at a more objective level and leave out my emotions, then it wouldn't be much of a surprise. Am I being stupid for not wanting to look at it objectively?
Torn_apart Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Don't be hard on yourself. We chose to believe what we wanted to, oblivious to all other. Even if you had looked at it objectively and caught the signs, would you have bailed without catching in the act? Sometimes we need to learn things the hard way. Focus on healing for now, all else is not important unless they aid you in healing.
Author JaggedRoad Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 (edited) Even if you had looked at it objectively and caught the signs, would you have bailed without catching in the act? I wouldn't have bailed, but I would have confronted her and try to have a discussion. But knowing her, there's a good chance she would have disappeared if I did confront her. Well, I did confront her when she went out to the movies with him alone against my wishes, but I was very lenient with her and didn't say more than "I told you not to go with him." I was afraid of saying more because it has been a long time since she had friends to hang out with, and I didn't want her to think that I didn't want her to have friends. It's funny... the moment I told her that I agreed to her decision to break up, she instantly interjected how less depressing it was and told me how excited she was about going to a skating event with the guy the next day. Bleh... Grupp: It's best if I don't say. EDIT: I analyzed a bit more, and it's so painfully obvious now... And even though that is the case, there is a big part of me that still wants to have her back and tell her that I forgive her. I want to be very mean to her, but I can't... I want to write a 10,000 word letter to her and explain how betrayed I feel, but I can't... All I want to tell her is how much I still love her and that I forgive her. Sigh... I don't even have my cookies 'n cream uce cream anymore Edited December 6, 2009 by JaggedRoad
Torn_apart Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 You need to figure out that she isn't worth your time, your forgiveness doesn't matter to her, she doesn't give 2 hoots about how betrayed you feel. Its painful but hang in there, you'll get out of it and someday, you'll meet someone who is worth your while.
mickleb Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 EDIT: I analyzed a bit more, and it's so painfully obvious now... And even though that is the case, there is a big part of me that still wants to have her back and tell her that I forgive her. I want to be very mean to her, but I can't... I want to write a 10,000 word letter to her and explain how betrayed I feel, but I can't... All I want to tell her is how much I still love her and that I forgive her. Sigh... I don't even have my cookies 'n cream uce cream anymore Write down all your feelings for her, JR and do not send them to her. But get angry with her as you do this. PLEASE get angry. x
Author JaggedRoad Posted December 7, 2009 Author Posted December 7, 2009 I can't get angry anymore =/
mickleb Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 Really? How angry have you got, JR? Can you direct me to your most angry posts? I would very much like to read them. Thank you. x
Author JaggedRoad Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 There are a few angry posts that I made on LS, but most of the angry rants were blogged: http://jaggedroad.com/blog/?p=422 http://jaggedroad.com/blog/?p=167
mickleb Posted December 8, 2009 Posted December 8, 2009 That's not very angry, really. You're forgiving her in both of them. Why forgive her complete lack of care for your feelings? I mean, one day, in the future maybe but whilst you're actually angry at her?! Anger lasts at least a few weeks, I think. And it's nasty. Wouldn't touch you with a c*nting bargepole nasty. I think you deserve to be angrier. x
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