duskandsummer Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 THIS IS KIND OF LONG BUT YOUR THOUGHTS WOULD BE AWESOME!!! I have been trying to get over this guy for a couple of months now, and I'm always going back and forth between doing better and feeling miserable.. I'm in a feeling better stage right now..but I still have all these things I want to know but its one of those things that I can't do.. here is the story..I would really like guys to way in on this or girls who have been through this because I just need to know if I just read into things..if I am the one who is wrong..so I can just get some closure. I grew up with this guy and at the end of 6th grade we moved 4 hours away. A year later we moved back but didn't live in the same neighborhood. I saw him a once..but I never thought anything of it, he is a year and half younger than me so I just never saw him in that way. About 3 and a half years ago he found me over myspace and we started talking. He grew up and he is just so sexy like I was instantly attracted. We caught up and talked pretty often and then things changed more to a sexual side. He would call and text and we would talk about sex. I was never the one to text him, I wasn't looking for him because even though I was attracted to him, I didn't really think it would turn into anything more than just a fun thing. WELL boy was I wrong. He would always ask me to come over and I would blow him off because I realized that I really cared what he thought of me, like what he thought of my looks, my personality..everything. Thats when I realized I really liked him. I was never one of those girls who were out there and so forward sexually..but he brought out that side of me I guess. I would only do the things I said with him and would only do the things I did with him..so quickly..I dont know like I say there is something about him that I couldn't say no to him. We hooked up I think one time..one summer. We didn't have sex but I know he would of headed that way if we had more time. Well later that same year he started going out with this girl but still texting me. I asked him about it because he didn't even tell me..and even before when I asked him about other girls he would say im the only one. It didn't change anything between us though..he still texted we still talked..he still wanted me. The next summer my friend told me his girlfriend was cheating on him. He is a friend so I decided to tell him, and we was thankful I did, but he said he trusted her and that he knows shes not cheating. Ever since then things go weird. He didn't text as often and when he did he wanted pictures and that is it, he didn't talk as much he just wanted pictures which is something I don't care who you are, I would never do..its to risky. He was going weeks without text even months and then he just stopped. I for the first time would have to text him in order to talk to him, and he would keep it short. Then he would start to blow me off, like give me one word answers. Eventually I stopped and went about 2 or 3 months seeing if maybe he would text. I texted one day and he said who is this..as in he deleted my number, and he was just being kind of a jerk to me. So I went a while without talking to him until over facebook he said he was moving away for college..I sent him a text wishing him luck and how I am always there for him. He said it meant a lot. I left it at that..and then texted him a few weeks ago where again he said..who is this? So I told him it didnt matter...and left it at that. Through out this whole time..I fell completely head over heels for him..I don't know what it is I know he didn't give me much but I just did and I can't help it. This stupid girl he has been with on and off..I hate her..but he is crazy about her..and they are officially back on again. No I haven't told him how I feel..which yes I know is my fault..but how can I tell him that I feel this strongly for him..when he is with her..I am terrified for rejection to begin with..but his would be horrible. I guess what I want to know is why did he keep me around, we only hooked up well messed around once but yet he kept me around, we kept talking and then all of sudden he is done..I feel like I was just thrown away. Like what did he want from me? What do I do now? Should I tell him how I feel? Any help would be soo greatly appreciated and I am willing to do anything..I will take the advice to heart. Yes I am trying to move on and get over it..but there are still things stopping me. I still care about him because he is a good guy, he may have not been the greatest to me but he has everything I want and am looking for in a guy.
Yukikazi Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 T. Sounds like all was well till you did the "character assault" on his GF. btw.. if you don't even put forth the effort to txt us and only reply.. then I would stop talking to you also. You women seem to expect everything on a silver platter.. Guess what.. it takes 2 for a relationship.. if we guys notice we are putting forth all the effort to communicate.. yea.. we're gonna stop. If the girl gives a crap.. she can call or text once and awhile to let us know they are still there and interested enough to take 20 seconds to send a hello text. If you can't even bring yourself to text 2 letters to him.. I'm surprised it lasted that long... but that combined with the attack on the GF.. whats he currently getting out of his relationship with you? Not what did her get out of it.. what is the current status.. aside from you never contacting him at all.
Author duskandsummer Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 I did contact him though. I was never the first to text early on, but I would text him a few times if I haven't heard from him in awhile. Now we don't talk because the last months I have texted him and he says who is this? Like am I suppose to keep texting him and bothering him when he can't even save my phone number? like the first time he made up an excuse that "he changed phones" okay so what is his excuse to not have my number saved now? and I didn't attack his girlfriend..I told him what I heard because if I were with someone and someone I knew heard something like that I would want them to tell me. Whether he believed me or not..well thats his problem but I was only letting him know what I heard. So pretty much what you are saying as that this is all my fault? So what do I do to fix it? attempt to text him again for him to make me feel like **** because he doesn't know who it is..like what are you suggesting I do.
boogieboy Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Theres nothing you can do. He isnt interested in your anymore...deleting your number was a clue. He has long moved on from you, and im pretty sure he didnt fall for you like you fell for him. He is crazy about his current gf, and youve been left in the dust. Best thing for you to do...find a new guy.
Author duskandsummer Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 it just sucks..he doesn't care if he might of hurt me. I feel like used, and kind of betrayed..cause its not like im just some girl he met and did this to..we grew up together..we know each others families. I just think it is way to late for me to even tell him how I feel. Boogie I am moving on and im trying..I really am but its so hard because all I can do is blame myself..it something I can't stop dwelling on.
Author duskandsummer Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 okay so new question regarding this topic. Moving on is an option but is there another? Is there anyway to get a guy to notice you again after they have lost interest?!!? Is there a way I could maybe win him back?!
boogieboy Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 okay so new question regarding this topic. Moving on is an option but is there another? Is there anyway to get a guy to notice you again after they have lost interest?!!? Is there a way I could maybe win him back?! Maybe, if you made your self look 50% hotter, and he was broken up with and completely over the girl hes with now...and possibly your personality was a lil different. You wanna wait for that?
Author duskandsummer Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 Maybe, if you made your self look 50% hotter, and he was broken up with and completely over the girl hes with now...and possibly your personality was a lil different. You wanna wait for that? well my look are changing and this is making me more confident. Its just the girl..which they have been on and off for what 2 years..and up until January..she wasn't really a problem. Like he might 100% love her now..but she doesn't treat him right from what I have heard. You are asking if I want to wait for that..and I have done so much waiting for him already..because idk he seems like he would be well worth the wait. I just wish he could see that in my eyes he is flawless, that I care so much about him..ugh this is really torture.
boogieboy Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 Syat away from him so he cant see you, Keep improving your looks, keep improving your inner self, and a guy that can see you for you from the very beginning should come along rather quickly, and you will forget about this guy. You can wait all you want, but a better one will show up.
Author duskandsummer Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 I know I should..but I don't really want no one else..if there is a way I can win him back..then I'll do it..if its impossible for him to be interested in me again..then I have no choice than to try to be happy. I mean he was attracted to me before I started improving my looks..so in a way he was attracted to me from the beginning but something just changed..I don't get why boys are so complicated..and mean.
Yukikazi Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I don't get why boys are so complicated..and mean. Short answer... women
boogieboy Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 I know I should..but I don't really want no one else..if there is a way I can win him back..then I'll do it..if its impossible for him to be interested in me again..then I have no choice than to try to be happy. I mean he was attracted to me before I started improving my looks..so in a way he was attracted to me from the beginning but something just changed..I don't get why boys are so complicated..and mean. He might have been interested in his current gf but couldnt get her at the time, and thats why he went to you, you'll never know, and you cant worry about it. But if hes CRAZY about her, you dont stand a chance. Your best bet is to disappear and find him in a year or so. He' wont ever be interested in you now. Theres nothing you can do.
Author duskandsummer Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 new developments.. Yes he seems crazy about his gf..and that made me feel better that maybe its not me..it just that..shes better..I dont know. WELL apparently being crazy about his gf doesn't stop him from checking out other girls. So now I feel kind of stupid, bad, mad..because its me. I wish I knew what it is about me that he lost interest in. I sound so pathetic I know..and I know I really should move on...but its easier said then done..I want him and Im afraid that..I fell so deeply for him that even when I find someone else..he will always be my number one..the one guy I would always go back to no matter who I am with..he will always have part of my heart. UGH pathetic is how I feel..and how I must sound.
dazzle22 Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 He does not deserve to be your number one. He treated you badly. Do not listen to some of these guys on here. They are young and immature and giving bad advice. A lot of times when someone doesn't return as intense feelings as you have, it is because they are attracted to something different, based on how they grew up. We all form "love maps" of expectations of what we want and expect in relationships from the time we are about 5 years old. It is no accident that people tend to gravitate to people that remind them of a parent, or something about how they grew up. This is how you can see situations where people say, "what did he see in her, or she in him?" Most likely the person reminded them of someone familiar they grew up with. Usually it is a parent - it's just the way it goes. Also, you said the relationship was initially framed as just "fun". It is almost impossible to go from being a "booty call" to "#one girlfriend..." remember that for next time. When guys are young they are into variety, and they are very immature and not great boyfriend material frankly. Guard your heart. It is a jungle out there....
Author duskandsummer Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 (edited) That makes sense cause we grew up together and I'm older than him...his mom is older than his dad. Also growing up he had a liitle crush or something on me lol see the thing is that booty call is the term that when it comes to him I can't accecpt I guess..I refuse to believe that's all I was for 3 years and that he didn't care about me. The thing is I know he treated me badly but for some reason I feel like maybe I'm to blame maybe I did or said something for him to feel like all that we could have is a sexual relationship...idk Edited December 5, 2009 by duskandsummer
callingyouuu Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 The thing is I know he treated me badly but for some reason I feel like maybe I'm to blame maybe I did or said something for him to feel like all that we could have is a sexual relationship...idk From what I understand, you did do something to make him feel like he could get away with a sexual relationship. You didn't let him know that you wanted more than that. If you had spoken up and stood up for what you wanted out of the relationship, at the very least you wouldn't have to be degraded to his booty call. Right now, I don't know if you're willing to do this since you seem very attached to someone who doesn't like you, but think it's best to stop contacting him for a while. He doesn't value you (if he did, he wouldn't delete your number from his phone), and he won't value you until you start valuing yourself. Maybe you can start something with him in the future, but it's unlikely that you can be anything serious with him anytime soon.
Author duskandsummer Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 From what I understand, you did do something to make him feel like he could get away with a sexual relationship. You didn't let him know that you wanted more than that. If you had spoken up and stood up for what you wanted out of the relationship, at the very least you wouldn't have to be degraded to his booty call. Right now, I don't know if you're willing to do this since you seem very attached to someone who doesn't like you, but think it's best to stop contacting him for a while. He doesn't value you (if he did, he wouldn't delete your number from his phone), and he won't value you until you start valuing yourself. Maybe you can start something with him in the future, but it's unlikely that you can be anything serious with him anytime soon. I guess I thought giving him what he wanted would keep him around. Little did I know that I would fall for him and eventually he would lose interest..I just had that "ill take what I can get" attitude..because I felt he was to good for me..and I didn't understand what he saw in me to begin with..I still feel this way. Regardless if I was just a booty call he would have had to be attracted to me in some way to want to have sex with me? right? and we didn't even get that far and he still was looking for me..so I dont know. I think you are right though until im willing to tell him how I feel I don't think anything will happen. As far as contacting him goes..I don't plan on texting him ever again..I don't want to feel stupid again when he asks me who it is..I guess im just hoping he comes back home for winter break and by some miracle decides to text me. I don't know I have been working on my looks..thinking maybe he got bored with me..and if I get hotter he will want me again? *not that I'm horrible looking to begin with* but..yahh I would like to think that something could happen in the future..but for right now I will take your advice. I am just going to work on me..and tell him when im ready..im way to vulnerable to tell him how I feel right now..I don't think I could handle that rejection right now. I rather not know there is no chance you know?
Author duskandsummer Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 an update..I know its soon but I have a crush. Well ive had my eye on this guy for a few weeks..and its the only guy I have really looked at since the guy this thread is about. But why am I feeling guilty? I feel like I shouldn't have this crush..and I feel scared..and frustrated..I don't know why i'm feeling like this. Crushes are usually fun and you get butterflies..and its like I am broke..he ruined me from being able to feel something for someone else. I mean I am happy I have this little crush because the things I would get upset about *like his gf leaving him cute comments on his facebook*..today I just brushed it off and said whatever. Don't get me wrong I still ache for the old guy..but I really would like to see what could happen with this new guy..without feeling guilty.
dazzle22 Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 My dear, you are so young and have sooo much to learn about men. Where to start? Here are some very important lessons for a young girl: -no guy is going to give you more respect than you demand. (or very few). If you act like you will take what you can get, (usually crumbs) or that he is too good for you, you will get....USED and TOSSED. -you will never keep a guy by feeling you have to give it up OR he will move on. He will just take what you have just "given up" AND then MOVE ON. -young men, and older ones too, are ruled by their second head, and they will say almost anything to get...SEX. If you do not establish a friendship FIRST with them so they care for your feelings and well being, they will generally have no trouble taking what they can get and moving on. -men do NOT have to have feelings for you to put the moves on you and have...SEX. They are very good at separating love and sex. We are not so good at it, unless we have been used and abused, and then become numb and calloused. But generally, men are very good at being the ones who care...LESS. -RULE OF DATING - THE ONE WHO CARES THE LEAST CONTROLS THE RELATIONSHIP -you need to look at dating as an interview process. YOU are interviewing THEM, to see if THEY are good enough for YOU. NOT the other way around. If you don't have this attitude, men will use you and throw you away like kleenex. -there are other rules, but let's see if you can digest these first. There will probably be guy posters howling to high heaven about what I have said, but it will only be because I touched a NERVE!
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