I'm afraid he'll forget while NC

[Angel1111]

Silence is golden where men are concerned. Women underestimate its power so often. I'm personally not a huge fan of NC unless there's a good reason for it - like if he broke up with you, or if his behavior is in the dealbreaker category in some other manner. But I will say that if you're trying to get his attention, then stop talking and stop being availalble. If there's any chance to reconcile, that will do it faster than anything. Men don't understand words nearly as well as they understand action. Silence allows them time to think. No one forgets anyone that fast so you need to just ditch that thought. The rule-of-thumb is 3 mos - if he hasn't contacted you by then, then he probably won't. That was in a book I read once - Getting To 'I Do' (which is a great book, btw), and she said that it's very common for a guy to reach that 'contact' point within 90 days. I have found this to be dead on.

 

And when he does contact you, don't answer right away or call him back right away. Make him stew a little. This is no joke - men need to understand that you aren't sitting by the phone waiting for them. It's a big turn-off. Just chill for awhile and see what happens.

Edited December 4, 2009 by Angel1111

[red_cloud]

Silence is golden where men are concerned. Women underestimate its power so often. I'm personally not a huge fan of NC unless there's a good reason for it - like if he broke up with you, or if his behavior is in the dealbreaker category in some other manner. But I will say that if you're trying to get his attention, then stop talking and stop being availalble. If there's any chance to reconcile, that will do it faster than anything. Men don't understand words nearly as well as they understand action. Silence allows them time to think. No one forgets anyone that fast so you need to just ditch that thought. The rule-of-thumb is 3 mos - if he hasn't contacted you by then, then he probably won't. That was in a book I read once - Getting To 'I Do' (which is a great book, btw), and she said that it's very common for a guy to reach that 'contact' point within 90 days. I have found this to be dead on.

 

And when he does contact you, don't answer right away or call him back right away. Make him stew a little. This is no joke - men need to understand that you aren't sitting by the phone waiting for them. It's a big turn-off. Just chill for awhile and see what happens.

 

Well, I'm not talking but I would like his attention. I've made my point that I would like to discuss this again in the future when both of us calm down and I think that we have enough good history between us to at least think about giving it a second shot.

 

I let him know that, he didn't respond and I've been maintaining NC on my part for almost 2 weeks now. When I send my "open door" email I promised myself that I wouldn't contact him out of my own initiative for at least a month, and I joined this site so that I can stop myself from doing it. I would rather be living my life honestly and not thinking about him at all, but I"m just so use to him and miss him so much that its hard at this point to not think about him.

 

P.S. What did you think of the book, "getting to I do"? I've heard it mentioned several times..

Edited December 4, 2009 by red_cloud

[Angel1111]

Well, I'm not talking but I would like his attention. I've made my point that I would like to discuss this again in the future when both of us calm down and I think that we have enough good history between us to at least think about giving it a second shot.

 

I let him know that, he didn't respond and I've been maintaining NC on my part for almost 2 weeks now. When I send my "open door" email I promised myself that I wouldn't contact him out of my own initiative for at least a month, and I joined this site so that I can stop myself from doing it. I would rather be living my life honestly and not thinking about him at all, but I"m just so use to him and miss him so much that its hard at this point to not think about him.

 

P.S. What did you think of the book, "getting to I do"? I've heard it mentioned several times..

 

The book was great. I highly recommend it. I would've never bought it because the title turned me off - but my sister read it and told me about it. It explains how a lot of women screw up relationships. Whatever the 'open door' email is you're talking about, I hope you don't do that. I think you need to leave this alone until he contacts you. If he doesn't contact you, then it was going to end anyway. I'll go back and read this thread when I have more time to catch up on what you're talking about.

Edited December 4, 2009 by Angel1111

[red_cloud]

The book was great. I highly recommend it. I would've never bought it because the title turned me off - but my sister read it and told me about it. It explains how a lot of women screw up relationships. Whatever the 'open door' email is you're talking about, I hope you don't do that. I think you need to leave this alone until he contacts you. If he doesn't contact you, then it was going to end anyway. I'll go back and read this thread when I have more time to catch up on what you're talking about.

 

The open door email was sent to him 3 days after we broke up.

 

After we broke up, I sent him an email telling him that he had a few things of mine he forgot to return and letting him know how he can drop it off (in such a way that I don't have to see him). I also told him that I'm sorry if I made him feel like I didn't appreciate him and that I don't hold hard feelings against him. He replied and thanked me for the email and said he needs to focus on himself now (true statement). So I replied saying that while I agree that its best for us to take a break now, once we're calm I wouldn't be against the idea of re-thinking the relationship, given how great along we got into the past. So I kind of left an "open door".. which is why I call it that. He never replied and I'm not taking the initiative to contact him.

 

I'll get on the book.