hmm789 Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 What do you call your in laws? The real dilema is that my husbands grandma told my BIL's wife(kelly) that she(kelly) had her own grandparents and that She was only grandma to her own grandchildren to everyone else she was Kathy. And she had to tell me this too. She was alot meaner in how she said it she actually made kelly cry. Anyway i'm thinking i'm about to get my talking to at christmas. and i'm wondering how you would handel this? It's really not a big deal i've never called her grandma but neither did kelly. Its more or less how rude this is to say someone. I feel like she's not accepting us as family. i'm thinking about saying something nicely back like "i've never called you grandma and never would my grandma died and i would think of disrespecting her by calling you grandma" or maybe "Grandma is a term of respect and what exactly do you think you've done to earn that anyway". or should i just let it go and what about our son whats he supposed to call her? should i ask her that? Thanks...
carhill Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 What do you call your in laws?Ex in-laws, at this point i'm wondering how you would handle this?I called my stbx's mother and other relatives by their proper names, like their first name or 'Mr/Mrs. xxx' or 'sir/ma'am'. If someone/anyone beefed me for being simply polite, I'd just look at them like they belonged in a mental institution and say nothing. Silence sandwiches are very satisfying
lonelyandfrustrated Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Call her grandma *last name* in front of the family, and if she corrects you, call her something else. No, seriously, Tell her that you call her Grandma to teach your children to call her that, and ask her if she's okay with Grandma Kathy, or would she rather be called Je-Maw-Maw? lol. Okay, really, seriously, how would you feel if you told someone, say, your husband's 20-yr-old nephew, to not call you Auntie-hmm, but call you Hmm instead, and that brat continued to call you Auntie Hmm?
2sure Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Most of the time we should refer to a person by the name they have asked us to. You mention that neither yourself or Kelly had previously called her "grandma" so I am wondering what you DID call her. Sometimes, with in laws and others when one is confused as to how to refer to them...we end up awkwardly calling them nothing at all. Was this the case? If so, maybe she was just trying to give you something comfortable to work with...even if her approach was less than personable. Maybe. If that is not the case, and you have children whom you are raising to call her grandma ...then you would probably naturally refer to her as Grandma yourself. Tricky since she has now forbidden that. If you really believe she was being porky....here is what I suggest. If she insists that Grandma not be used by you...simply tell her that when speaking to her grandchildren you feel its proper to call her by her title. Additionally ask her what she would like YOU to call her , since you simply cannot feel comfortable calling a person of her age by her first name. Suggest maybe Mrs. Smith, etc.
laRubiaBonita Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 the proper address was something i kinda strugged with to. my H's parents, when we were dating i would call them Mr. & Mrs.- but after we got married i asked them what i should call them.... i was raised to address my elders as Mr. and Mrs. or in some cases just Miss _____ (firstname) but i thought that seemed a bit formal for my inlaws, so i just asked. it was funny because my FIL said he felt and still feels the same way about his wife's parents (actually my MIL's mom cause my H's father "son-in-law" to this day) we decided that i would just call them by their first names, because i am not their child and i do not feel comfortable calling them mom and dad. it has taken a little getting used to using their first names- but it is good now. my H's Aunt though, well i call her what he calls her- Aunt Dar. but my H calls his grandmother Grandmother and i call her Prox. my H calls both my parent by their first names, but that is how they introduced themselves when we first started dating- so it's fine. i think if you bring it up and ask her, maybe she will be a bit calmer..... and heck may as well ask her what she would like your son to call her. my grandmother tried to change what my sister and i called her (grandmamma) when my little sis was born... she wanted us to call her Nacole, as in nanny cole- but that did not fly cause we had been calling her grandmamma for years.
quankanne Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 interesting subject: My sister's daughter-in-law does NOT want her babies using the name the other grandkids gave her, insists that she be called "Grandma" ... even though her husband is Paw-Paw. Not sure why, so I told my sister that I'd start addressing her as "abuelita" and "grandmama" around the two-year-old and see what stuck. that said, hmm, if your husband's granny brings up the subject, you can play it a couple of different ways: "I have a grandma, and you're not her, Betty-Lou!" "You don't like 'grandma'? How 'bout we call you 'Big Mama' instead?" :laugh:
Author hmm789 Posted December 3, 2009 Author Posted December 3, 2009 Thanks Everyone! it is so weird. On our wedding day my FIL told me to call him dad so i do. but my MIL didn't say it so i call her by her first name and when ever everyone's together i just try my best not to address any of them by name. But That Grandma is just something else. I always had this idea that grandparents were loving of all kids!!!! nieve i know.
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