XKatieX Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 The first two-three weeks of the break-up, I was mostly just really upset and didn't see it as mostly my fault as much. But now the more time goes on I'm realizing how much of a jerk I was to him, and how much crap I caused. I never cheated or hurt him, but I caused so much crap..I was insecure and immature. I would get jealous over the stupidest things, but he never cheated on me, never lied..never gave me one reason to be insecure. I would get moody and just act like a bitch to him and take it out on him, or I would take offense to something he'd say or take it the wrong way and I'd get mad. I also took things way too far, when I got mad I called him names and cussed at him. So many times I could've handled things differently, and in the past month before the break-up he did absolutely nothing wrong, it was me that lead to the break-up. Now I just feel like a horrible person, I can understand now why he doesn't care anymore, I treated him like ****!! I cannot live with myself like this, all the mistakes I made..I lost something that I wanted so bad and now if I knew I was going to lose him, I would have done everything different. I'd give anything for a new start and to do everything right again. I just feel like nothing is even worth living for without him. Why did I push someone I love so much away?
Boundary Problem Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Own the mistakes. Forgive yourself. And choose to live a different life on a going forward basis. You aren't the first person to make mistakes and I guarantee you - you won't be the last.
USMCHokie Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I just feel like nothing is even worth living for without him. You won't be ready for a fulfilling and meaninngful relationship until you rid yourself of this attitude...no one should ever need someone else to live a happy life...you should find everything that is worth living for in yourself...after you've realized that, then you can find someone who complements and adds to your life to make it even better...in my opinion, that's the whole point of relationships...to make a good life better...but first you need to find that good life on your own and be comfortable living for you...
bluestraps Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Sounds like my ex girlfriend, except she did cheat on me .
McGrupp Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 i did the same thing. still having a hard time letting go i guess
madrugada Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 katie, we've all made mistakes. It's part of growing up. Trust me, ask anyone on this forum if there were things they could take back, every single person on here would say, hell yeah. I'm not one to give advice, but I will say I've been carrying my share of regret/shame/weight for the mistakes I've made. It's a cliche, I know, but hindsight is a bitch. I'd give anything to be able to go back six months and redo a lot of things I did. Something else you'll hear a lot - it happened for a reason. You've learned a lot about yourself, and you are a changed person. You can take what you've learned and apply that to your future or you can continue living in the past and beating yourself up over things you no longer have control over. Like I said, I'm not one to give advice. I'm still living in the past and tearing myself up as well. But in the end we're all insecure and immature in so many ways. It's all a matter of how you choose to move forward. Because it's your choice. Take care of yourself above all.
deux ex machina Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 I am happy to know you aren't beating yourself up literally. That would hurt! Sometimes the best you can do is understand what went on, take those lessons and learn from them so you can forward. Over time you should be able to see things in a more balanced way, and come to know what both of you did to contribute to it. I hope things look up for you soon.
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