tetsue Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 I am 20 and she is 18, we just had our birthdays (hers is a day before mine) If you want most of the story: I was with a girl for a little over 2 years: she was my first girlfriend, first concert, first everything almost We really shared a lot in life and went through some tough times with both of our families. We've helped each other out so much in life and, I know it sounds narsassistic, but i think I was there for her more than she for me. The basic background of our relationship was we met, hung out, started dating, took it slow from there, she was in love with another man half the relationship, she cheated on me once before, we got back together after that, worked that out, it became less of a problem, then we were happy again for almost a year, but for some reason I really felt I needed to break up with her. I don't know where i get my feelings from, or how to sort them out, or what to make of them when i do! When i think about it, i realize that a lot of things she did annoyed me and she seemed really childish and immature, and she was mean to my friends a lot and selfish and craved my attention all the time, but then again she was always there for me and she has this other side as soon as its just herself and me, where she is patient and understanding and thoughtful and loving. IDK! I broke up with her a few days ago, the thoughts going through my head were fresh from a fight we had where i wanted to sleep and she wanted to see a movie so she got mad, even though she knew i had work in 6 hours and just got off of school. That fight is really an example of all our fights, with the exception of when i would just be in a bad mood and be grumpy and just not nice, which wasn't often. Also, there is another girl. I haven't done anything remotely close to cheating with this girl, as we are co-workers and we usually just talk at work occasionally, but i feel so- well, warm, fuzzy, light-headed, can't speak correctly, all the stereotypical things, yaknow? I don't know how to sort out my feelings for this girl either, as i have always believed in trying your hardest in relationships. I just have such turbulent emotions at the moment, from second to second i cant tell what i feel- Loneliness, wanting her back, wanting the other girl a lot more, a little less- I cannot tell if i really dont believe in my relationship or if i just want to explore and see this other girl. I love my ex, but i dont know if i see her as a lovER anymore- more like a little sister, yaknow? In a nutshell: I broke up with the girl i had dated for 2 years- she doesnt want to call it quits yet, but i really think we should. I get annoyed and embarrassed and upset by her and she is selfish and gets mad over things like me sleeping instead of watching a movie like she wants to do. I think she is immature, but we have been through A LOT together and i dont know what i feel or how to really find out, since my emotions are running haywire and one moment i want her and the other i want this other girl who gives me the stereotypical "butterflies" etc... How do i find out what i really feel? etc? any questions or advice post them, i understand i am rambling, but i cannot think clearly at the moment. We broke up 2 days ago (so DEC. 1st) and now i am confused and lonely. Help? please? i need it.
Boundary Problem Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 Sounds like you already made the decision and broke up. Break ups happen for a reason (e.g. you saw her as a sister, not as a lover - big impediment) Why not be single for a while and once you get into a comfortable place maybe ask the girl at work out for a coffee. Give it time. Everything becomes clear with time.
Author tetsue Posted December 4, 2009 Author Posted December 4, 2009 Yeah but I don't know- I don't know if i still want to be with this girl, or what. and if i do still want to be with her, is it because of the pain I'm causing her, the help she provided, the more selfish reasons, or the person she is? I don't know! I think about what she does: how she acts toward people and my friends, and i don't like it. I think about our sex life and how we got eachother gifts all the time, and i like it. I think about being with her and her getting mad about stupid little selfish things, and i dont like it. I think about cuddling up with her for a movie at midnight and i like it. I don't understand what I am going through or how i feel or how i should feel and at this point in my young life i dont remember what it's like being single anymore. Also, i see her a lot at school. We go to college together and are in a few of the same classes, but after a week or so that will be no more, unless she signs up for my classes again, which would just be awkward of we aren't together, look loveshack, i need help, bad, and i need to be able to make sense of things; is time really the only alternative? I'm afraid of waiting to long and deciding i want her back but it will be too late
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